Thoughts On: November Sales Rankings

You know what the single most infuriating experience for the purveyor of lesser known comics is? Aside from hearing what horrible shit has been done to characters that made the jump to mainstream of course. That's right, it's seeing where the poor pitiful GOOD comics end up on that bloody top 300 each month. And yet each month we'll go back to it hoping that by some stroke of luck the series we cherish have made the jump up to the top 50.

As such it's time to analyse that crucial top 100 that has been released from Diamond Comics. And... It isn't looking good. No, not at all. Just... There's about 5 good comics in the top 30 that aren't Blackest Night related. That's AWFUL.

SO HIT THE JUMP TO SEE WHAT ELSE GETS MY GOAT THIS MONTH!

It's tempting to just list every bad comic that managed to grace the top 100 and throw my hands in the air, but that would be FAR too long a list. So instead I'll give a general coverage of the good and bad in the unstable non-structure that is my usual method of rambling. Well... with the small difference that I'll actually differentiate between one genre or subgroup and the other.

TEAM BOOKS

You know what the highest selling team book was this month? DO YOU?! JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #39. Sure, it's a tie-in to Blackest Night but C'MON THIS IS AWFUL NOWADAYS! I admit I'm looking forward to the new team (mainly because, c'mon, Mon-El, Guardian and Ray Palmer kick arse) but this has been the most unengaging material in a team book since... Well, the next series down the list (not counting the Corps, s'not really a team book to me), New Avengers.

If you read New Avengers you are either one of the most easy to entertain fucks ever, someone who thinks they're being humourously ironic by buying an awful comic (who are also fucks I might add) or people that genuinely enjoy mischaracterisation, bland plots and some of Bendis' worst work of all time. Or just fans of Stuart Immonen, in which case... Well it's better than owning some of his old Rock 'n' Roll comics material like I do so I'll forgive you. How this manages to sell so well each month is beyond me, I mean I can't say the series has ever been THAT good and it's only ever been as much as kinda pretty, even under Immonen's great hands. Perhaps the completely rape-tastic interpretation of Hood is really popular and I just don't see it because I'm stuck in the past with BKV's innovative and entertaining non-villain.

I suppose logically I could continue to deconstruct team books that are too high on the list, like Dark Avengers and Ultimate Comics Avengers, but it quickly becomes me banging my head against the wall going MOLECULE MAN ISN'T A VILLAIN AND HAS A FUCKING WIFE YOU DOLT or UC: AVENGERS IS REALLY BORING over and over, so it can't really be too healthy. That and I feel I'll turn into that fat comic book person from the Simpsons if I'm not careful, so instead I'll focus on the brilliant that isn't where it should be.

The obvious team book for me to lament not being where it belongs is Mighty Avengers. This is not only the best (read as: only good) Avengers title, but also cheaper than its Bendis-written brethren. Placing at #34 is no mean feat though, especially for the end of Slott's first decent sized arc, so with any luck the upcoming MIGHTY/DARK storyline will pick it up to where it belongs in the top 20. As for The Initiative... Well... It might get into the top 50 again at some point.

Finally, I must mention how Guardians of the Galaxy continues to slum out the bottom of the top 100. Is it not awesome enough for you all? Has there not been enough talking raccoons for you? BUY IT ANYWAY! Easily the best cosmic title and it never sells the numbers it should (note to self: you only buy the hardcovers, shut up with the self-righteousness Max).

X-Titles

Well, time to see how low Cornell's Dark X-Men came in to frustrate me fu-....

#33?!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! There is a God! Sure, it helps that it came out close enough after the the Utopia crossover, but that's not the point! The point is that a great comic sold well considering how good it is!... That makes no sense when I read it but shut up it sold good!

... I'll ignore that Uncanny X-Men and X-Force sold better when they're both shits on sticks at the moment.

Also worthy of note is S.W.O.R.D. coming in at #95 with its DEBUT ISSUE. Seriously what the hell?! I know I bought it! I get that it's a long time after Whedon's Astonishing X-Men so it's lost a fair bit of validity and Beast looks unusual but this is one of the best comics of the year and has MOTHER-FUCKING DEATH'S HEAD! You don't see a comic with Death's Head in and not buy it, yes? My GOD comic buyers have let themselves down.

Oh and New Mutants continues a slowish decline/middling situation. Must. Do. Better.

Events

Blah blah Blackest Night doing well Blah Blah Necrosha doing okay Blah Blah Realm of Kings underperforming Blah Blah Blah

HULK

... How many of you are paying money for HULK? 'cause you're all idiots. Or kids. It's actually not a bad kids book... I've kinda derailed myself now... Still some people out there are older and think this shit is good. You are all fools and need to switch to Incredible Hulk, which is far lower for some reason. Nonsense!

Other

On a much lighter and less ranty note Dr. Horrible sold fairly well, coming in solidly at #80. Well done. Class dismissed!

/rant
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Thoughts On: Marvel's January Solicits Of Things I'm Gonna Buy

Not to continue being the whiny self-depreciative overly apologetic person but I really am sorry if the current colours are horrible. I've been toying with the template recently and it hasn't gone well and I haven't reverted it yet. Just cringe as you read this.

Remember this? No, not just the blog (that's been gathering dust as I pursue real world stuff, that I'll talk about soon) but also Thoughts On, the once in a while look at solicits and my (funnily enough) THOUGHTS ON them. In an attempt to keep it simple I'm only going to be looking at things I'll actually be buying come January 2010, as opposed to just about everything and swamping the visual senses with so much fecal matter.

Before we go in it's worth mentioning that the recently announced events and stuff in comics are going to be largely ignored in these, just because the only one I'm guaranteed to buy is DOOOOOOMWAAAAAAR, which might well be the ballsiest thing Marvel's done in ages (what with the throwing of Maberry into the event comic world quite early into his Marvel career). Whether I can just stick to this one event comic is questionable however due to how SIEGE BLOCKBUSTER seeps into Mighty Avengers, World War Hulks is crucial to Incredible Hulk and New Mutants is one of the many titles Second Coming is running across.

... Ruddy event comics...

HIT THE JUMP TO SEE WHAT I THINK ABOUT COMICS THAT I'L BE GETTING AND SOME OF YOU MIGHT DO TOO BUT WHO KNOWS I'M NOT YOU AND I WON'T BE TELLING YOU TO GET THESE COMICS EXCEPT FOR MAYBE A FEW 'CAUSE THEY'RE REALLY GOOD!

KOOKABURRA K #3 (of 3)
Written by CRISSE, MITRIC & HICKS
Adapted by AUBREY SITTERSON
Pencils & Cover by HUMBERTO RAMOS
The titanic red wave of destructive energy has nearly destroyed the entire universe; without anyone surviving long enough to ask themselves why!
The passengers of the space cruiser K, the only survivors in the galaxy, found refuge on Eyrolia, the mysterious “Planet of Illusions.” But far from being saved, they are captured by the terrible Master-Guardian of the planet who sees them as invaders, coming to steal the jewel he protects at the heart of his planet.
Only one being thinks he can stop the madness that is destroying their reality. He is the Paladin, and for him there can only be one culprit: the Kookaburra, almighty reincarnate… Under Mitric’s quill and drawings by Ramos, discover the stunning conclusion to the Kookaburra K trilogy.
48 PGS./Mature …$5.99

Humberto Ramos pencils and 48 pages still don't really make up for the comic being six dollars and whilst I'm fairly sure this is a book adaptation I've never heard of Kookaburra K and have no real desire to. The only reason I'm getting this outside of some pretty Ramosness is just how interesting these solicits sound for a comic book (seriously can't imagine them as standard prose) so count me in!

X-MEN NOIR: MARK OF CAIN #2 (of 4)
Written by FRED VAN LENTE
Pencils & Cover by DENNIS CALERO
Variant Cover by DENNIS CALERO
"The Genosha Bay guards rolled Angel, gagged and shackled to the gurney, into solitary confinement, warden Emma Frost trailing close behind. From the ceiling and every wall bright, hot lights pounded a blinding glare onto the cell's only furnishing, an ominously solitary chair. 'Until you tell me what I want to know,' Warden Frost said, 'You will never leave this room. Welcome to Project: Wideawake."
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$3.99

I freakin' LOVED X-Men Noir. An X-Factor artist and one of my favourite writers of the modern age?! It was all too much. This can only improve upon the original series, something safe to presume simply because the solicits are much, MUCH clearer this time around. No reading the entire series four times over to just figure out what happened for this one!.... I hope.

ULTIMATE COMICS SPIDER-MAN #6
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Pencils & Cover by DAVID LAFUENTE
Mysterio has had just about enough of Spider-Man, so he sends in the ULTIMATE SPIDER-SLAYER…and sends it right to Peter Parker’s school! All this and the mystery of the Shroud is finally revealed!! Join rockstars BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS and DAVID LAFUENTE as we swing into the final chapter of this thrilling arc!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

The one good Bendis comic makes it to the end of its first arc come January and I couldn't be more stoked if I tried. Between Lafuente's near-perfect art style (shut up I like it) and a thrilling enough storyline so far in I don't think anything could ruin this outside of the obvious lesbian MJ story not playing out (okay that might just be in my head but shut up it'd be ballsy and interesting and not too close to 616 Marvel like everything else in the Ultimate U)... Or a lack of a hardcover release. This REALLY needs one of those.

BLACK PANTHER #12
Written by JONATHAN MABERRY
Penciled by WILL CONRAD
Cover by PAUL RENAUD
PRELUDE TO “DOOMWAR”
If you think you know what's coming next in BLACK PANTHER, guess again. Shuri, T'Challa and Storm are caught up in a tangle of plots within plots as Doctor Doom and the Broker close the jaws of their trap. Heroes will fall, trust will be betrayed, secrets will be revealed, and nothing will ever be the same. The fuse is lit and Wakanda is about to explode. Guest stars Namor and the Fantastic Four jump into action as the new Black Panther goes to war.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

STILL one of my favourite Marvel comics, especially now I've adapted to the change in writing. "Power" has been pretty awesome so far and this lead-in to Maberry's first Marvel event DOOOOOOOOOMWAAAAAAAAAAR sounds like it will kick all sorts of arse before the series shuffles away into hiatus whilst the event comic runs its course. Seriously if you aren't at least buying the hardcovers for this (all the one of them) then you suck so hard you've actually imploded a little.

BLACK WIDOW: DEADLY ORIGIN #3 (of 4)
Written by PAUL CORNELL
Penciled by TOM RANEY & JOHN PAUL LEON
Cover by ADI GRANOV
Time is running out for the on-the-run Black Widow as the sinister Icepick Protocol sets Clint Barton against Mockingbird—and Hercules against everybody! With flashbacks to her days with Daredevil and the Champions, and the final revelation of who is trying to destroy her life, the clock is ticking on Natasha’s life!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

I don't much care for the Black Widow outside of her appearance in the first 11 issues of Mighty Avengers (one day I'll have to clarify my somewhat schizophrenic enjoyment of that run) and that won't change at any point ever. Seriously I prefer Black Widow II, which is apparently crazy to say. Still, Tom Raney & Paul Cornell? This comic could shit needles into my face when I open it and I'd still buy it!

... Too weird?

CAPTAIN AMERICA #602
Written by ED BRUBAKER
Penciled by LUKE ROSS
Cover by GERALD PAREL
The monthly CAPTAIN AMERICA returns with a bang! Where has the Captain America from the '50s been the past few months, and what part of our modern world has welcomed him? And what will Steve and Bucky do when an old enemy tries to become a revolutionary? TWO AMERICAS begins here! By best-selling writer Ed Brubaker with art by Luke Ross. Plus, the start of a Second Bonus Feature - NOMAD by Sean McKeever and David Baldeon!
40 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

... Bollocks. Now I have to get ANOTHER comic series just for the back-up strip (this goes alongside Incredible Hulk in that regard). On the plus side it has the same advantage as Incredible Hulk in that the main comic is also by an awesome writer and will make up for something I'd rather have its own series of being reduced to something like 10 pages a month. Oh and 50s Cap for the win or something.

FANTASTIC FOUR #575
Written by JONATHAN HICKMAN
Penciled by DALE EAGLESHAM
Cover by ALAN DAVIS
Marvel Women Variant by JELENA KEVIC-DJURDJEVIC
Kicking off the world-spanning new adventures of the Fantastic Four, this is part one of the Prime Elements arc: The Hidden City of the High Evolutionary!
Featuring the return of the Mole Man, the architecture of the underworld, and the smartest Moloid you'll ever meet.
Don't miss it!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

I have to admit I've been an idiot and thought that SOLVE EVERYTHING would have been a larger story in the end and Marvel's First Family wouldn't devolve into basic tales with no real aspirations to greatness. Still I'll get it and enjoy it because I can and then I'll run and hide from freaky buff stubble Reed.

INCREDIBLE HULK #606
Written by GREG PAK
Penciled by PAUL PELLETIER
Cover by JOHN ROMITA JR.
He's fought Thor, Black Bolt, the Juggernaut, and virtually every Avenger on the planet. But nothing's ever hit Bruce Banner as hard as "The Fall of the Hulks"! As the epic storyline begins, Bruce Banner makes the best and worst discovery of his life, Skaar, the savage Son of Hulk, finally shows his true colors, and a Green Goliath in purple pants takes on Doctor Doom himself! "Planet Hulk" writer Greg Pak teams up with fan favorite penciler Paul Pelletier to deliver massive revelations, shocking emotional twists, and epic smashing that will transform Bruce Banner's life forever.
40 PGS./Rated A …$3.99

.... No Olivetti? NO Fred Van Lente? NO LYRA THE SAVAGE SHE-HULK?! *sobs uncontrollably*... I'm okay I just... Need some time... *sniff*... Just... Don't know what to do...

INCREDIBLE HERCULES #140
Written by GREG PAK, FRED VAN LENTE & JEFF PARKER
Penciled by RODNEY BUCHEMI & GABRIEL HARDMAN
Cover by ALEX GARNER
"ASSAULT ON NEW OLYMPUS," Part 3 (of 4)
Of all the giants, gods and monsters Hercules and his team of New and Mighty Avengers have faced in their battle through New Olympus, none may be as formidable as HEPHAESTUS, creator of the immortals' fearsome war engines! With what fearsome device will he try to ensnare and destroy the Hercules/Amadeus Cho team, which has reformed at last -- only to meet their doom? Find out as the New York Times Best-Selling creative team lead Herc on his biggest adventure yet! Plus: as the Agents of Atlas push into the stronghold of the Olympus group, Aphrodite decides to take matters into her own hands in Godmarked Part 3!
40 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

The most promising comic combo ever continues as Hercules continues to be Hercules and have the Mighty Avengers co-star AND Jeff Parker taking up residence with his precious Agents of Atlas in the back-up comic. Honestly someone at Marvel has figured out how to combine elements into a perfect critic pleasing sandwich full of delicious cake. I mean wow... I'm not sure where I'm going with this whole thoughts on thing here I'm mainly just bum-licking.

INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #22
Written by MATT FRACTION
Art & 50/50 Cover by SALVADOR LARROCA
50/50 Cover by PATRICK ZIRCHER
The heart and soul of the Marvel Universe gathered to bring Tony back online…but when they flipped the switch, nothing happened. What do you do when the smartest man in the world is trapped inside his own subconscious? Doctor Donald Blake reaches out for a specialist…Doctor Strange! And meanwhile…the Ghost closes in, ready to assassinate Tony Stark once and for all.
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

Might not get this to be honest. I mean now we all know that Stark's return to life or whatever it will be is reserved for Bendis-fest SIEGE BLOCKBUSTER there's almost no point to this retrospective/revival of the nigh-on brain dead wonder that is Tony Stark. Still non-X-Men Fraction + Larroca is a good combo that I don't think I can pass up. That and a strong man love for Zircher will make me go ooh at the cover I'm sure. Maybe.

MIGHTY AVENGERS #33
Written by DAN SLOTT
Pencils & Cover by KHOI PHAM
"The Coming Darkness..." Part 2
Can the MIGHTY AVENGERS and DARK AVENGERS join forces long enough to -- we're sorry, we can't even pretend to finish that sentence. There's no way the MIGHTY AVENGERS and DARK AVENGERS are teaming up. They're gonna beat the living heck out of each other! The only question is: can HANK PYM stop the IRON PATRIOT before he harnesses the power of the Cosmic Cube?!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

There it is. The last pre-SIEGE BLOCKBUSTER issue, now carrying those precious words I once feared lost; "Written by DAN SLOTT". I will love this, even if the cover makes me want to shit out of fear. In fact I'll buy the SIEGE BLOCKBUSTER issues too, just because I can't perceive Dan Slott doing bad with this series, even in a situation like that.

AVENGERS VS. ATLAS #1 (of 4)
Written by JEFF PARKER
Penciled by GABRIEL HARDMAN
Cover by HUMBERTO RAMOS
Variant Cover by GABRIEL HARDMAN
Spacetime is being selectively eroded by an unknown force. To stop the effect, the Agents of Atlas seek the help of the Avengers- and find a much earlier version of the team than they expected: Captain America, Iron Man, Wasp, Giant-Man and Thor are together again, with the atomic wildcard THE HULK!
40 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

Ya know I could swear Agents of Atlas was cancelled. How it's gone from that to "Oh it's just here and in Incredible Hercules and Thunderbolts and various other limited series and so on". It's almost ridiculous. Thoroughly stup- Oh who am I kidding I'm loving this and will lap up EVERYTHING to do with it. Also more Ramos coverage, which is always pleasing. All that and I haven't even mentioned the original avengers team stuff here. Which is awesome by the way.

SECRET WARRIORS #12
Written by JONATHAN HICKMAN
Penciled by STEFANO CASELLI
Cover by JIM CHEUNG
Nick Fury quietly moves his forces into place as the war between the armies of LEVIATHAN and the armies of HYDRA kicks into gear. Also, the long-awaited origin of the mysterious HIVE, and we finally find out who the father of STONEWALL is.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

If the whole Stonewall stuff is such a mystery why the fuck does everyone call him Jerry Sledge?! Or more importantly why is his real name Henry something? I mean that's a fair difference there! Still I love Secret Warriors and am looking forward to this eventual clarification.

STRANGE #3 (of 4)
Written by MARK WAID
Penciled by EMMA RIOS
Cover by TOMM COKER
Stephen Strange and his new apprentice travel not to the Ruins of Raggador or the Dread Dimension of Dormammu...but to a small Southern town conducting a bizarre ritual of its own, one that threatens the life of every young girl in the state! Plus: more on the secrets that Stephen himself is hiding from his student!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

I don't know why I'm getting this series. Move along.

MARVEL BOY: THE URANIAN #1 (of 3)
Written by JEFF PARKER
Penciled by FELIX RUIZ
Cover by MARKO DJURDJEVIC
A young man has travelled billions of miles through space in a rocket to help our world. But is Earth of the 1950's ready for a new super hero? Before he became the dark figure the Agents of Atlas call The Uranian, Bob Grayson raced through the skies as Marvel Boy! From the critically acclaimed writer of AGENTS OF ATLAS and FALL OF THE HULKS: ALPHA comes this all-new look back at one of Marvel’s first heroes!
48 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

Gotta love how they're talking about FALL OF THE HULKS: ALPHA like it's already critically acclaimed along with Agents of Atlas. Ah well. Good to finally see the original Marvel Boy get some proper attention, even if it is a 3 issue 4 dollar limited series. Also pretty Djurdjevic cover that breaks his unwritten "loadsa white space" rule that most his covers have.

THUNDERBOLTS #140
Written by JEFF PARKER
Penciled by MIGUEL SEPULVEDA
Cover by FRANCESCO MATTINA
Thunderbolts vs. Agents of Atlas—round 2! The hunt down in the swamp comes to a head when one of the T-Bolts ends up dead! There's not going to be much time to cope either, because Norman Osborn needs his team of killers ready for a final mission—and this is what he's been saving them for!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

A) it'll be Paladin or Ant-Man that dies just to spite me. B) final mission might well mean that I'll get some good ole original Thunderbolts stuff again soon. No Baron Zemo this year though apparently. Stupid people. Oh and WE GET IT MARVEL YOU HAVE A STIFFY FOR JEFF PARKER AND AGENTS OF ATLAS!

REALM OF KINGS: INHUMANS #3 (of 5)
Written by DAN ABNETT & ANDY LANNING
Penciled by PABLO RAIMONDI
Cover by STJEPAN SEJIC
It’s chaos in the streets of Hala as the Kree aristocracy rise up and revolt against the Inhumans! What legendary weapons have been unleashed upon the Royal Family? Meanwhile, in The Fault, Triton’s expedition closes on the source of a mysterious and chillingly recognizable voice...have they found Black Bolt?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

DnA, Pablo Raimondi AND a Stjepan Sejic cover? If this could get any better I fail to see how. Do I need any more thoughts on this? BUY IT EVEN IF IT SUCKS YOU WONDERFUL PEOPLE!

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY #22
Written by DAN ABNETT & ANDY LANNING
Penciled by BRAD WALKER
Cover by ALEX GARNER
A REALM OF KINGS ISSUE! Holy Octo-mom! What’s growing in Moondragon’s belly, why is the Universal Church of Truth obsessed with keeping her, and can the Guardians rescue her before the planet they’re on goes supernova? Find out in the series that IGN calls “Impressive…Brad Walker’s pages are a dazzling sight…Guardians of the Galaxy is still standing tall and strong.”
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

... I'm scared of this, I'm scared of the cover, it genuinely unsettles me and makes me want to hide from the glowing fetuses and creepy creepy smile... No I don't care what happens in this issue I just want to fucking RUN. AND. HIDE.

... And never return.

DARK X-MEN #3 (of 5)
Written by PAUL CORNELL
Penciled by LEONARD KIRK
Cover by SIMONE BIANCHI
Nate Grey, a.k.a., X-Man is back and he is not happy with the state of affairs in the Marvel Universe. So he goes straight to the man responsible—Norman Osborn—and it’s not for a nice chat. It’s X-Man vs. the Dark Avengers and Dark X-Men. Can this Omega class mutant survive this matchup? Find out here!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

Despite what an abortion Utopia turned out to be I genuinely wanted to embrace the Dark X-Men as a team, save Guardian who's been horribly rewritten since Omega Flight's emotion creating character. Now that they're all gone save Dark Beast, Mystique, Mimic and *shudder* rewritten Guardian I'm not sure what to make of it all... OH YEAH NATE GREY SCREW ALL THAT HE'S AWESOME.

Oh yeah and the Captain Britain team. That helps.

NATION X: X-FACTOR
Written by PETER DAVID
Penciled by VALENTINE DE LANDRO
Cover by CHRISTIAN MACNEVEN
Utopia. The sanctuary for mutants to escape a world that wants them extinct. So is it the ideal home for X-Factor? That's what Cyclops believes when he invites the world's only mutant detective agency to relocate to their floating island retreat and take up residence there. But will Madrox and his team believe that it's the best place for them? What old faces will pop up, and what old acquaintances will be renewed? And will there even be a Utopia left when the mysterious Crone shows up and threatens to bring the entire place crashing down into the Pacific?
40 PGS./One-Shot/Rated T+ …$3.99

I suppose this was neccesary. I'll love it and cherish it but... *sigh* Well... The X-Factor one shots are weirdly collected. I'm not even sure if the Layla Miller one-shot's made it into a trade yet. If it has... Someone make sure to tell me... Where was I? Oh yeah one shot I'll read but might not care about as much as the main series of X-Factor. Yeah that's it.

CABLE #22
Written by DUANE SWIERCZYNSKI
Penciled by GABRIEL GUZMAN
Cover by MARKO DJURDJEVIC
PRELUDE TO “X-MEN: SECOND COMING” EVENT!
The penultimate chapter in the X-Men saga that began with “Messiah CompleX” continues here! Now that Hope’s told Cable that she’s ready to join the X-Men in the present, Cable risks it all to repair his busted time machine. Finally, after years of being stuck in a one-way trip to oblivion, Cable and Hope leap into the past. But the Mutant Messiah and her surrogate father miss the mark by more than a few hundred years, finding themselves in a primitive Manhattan – and hunted by a mutant who just doesn’t know the meaning of the word “quit.”
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

Consider this tentative considering how great Cable has become lately. Seriously the second that changes this can FUCK RIGHT OFF. That or it'll end after this story and it won't matter anyway. I mean with Second Coming coming up (heh) there's no real reason for Cable anymore.

NEW MUTANTS #9
Written by ZEB WELLS
Penciled by PAUL DAVIDSON
Cover by ADAM KUBERT
What is Illyana Rasputin up to? In NEW MUTANTS #1, she returned from who knows where with knowledge that she says is from the future. A future where things aren’t going well for the X-Men. Emma Frost is not going to settle for this question being unanswered.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

Ah the shining gem of the X-universe. New Mutants leaves Necrosha and gets back to awesome storylines it seems. If you aren't buying this you're either not a comics fan or you're a douchebag... Or something... Perhaps I should encourage you all instead of calling you douchebags.

S.W.O.R.D. #3
Written by KIERON GILLEN
Penciled by STEVEN SANDERS
Cover by JOHN CASSADAY
Agent Brand, Beast, Sydren, Beta Ray Bill, Marvel Boy, Jazinda, Karolina and all the other aliens on Earth have been captured by Henry Gyrich and his “NO MORE ALIENS” agenda. Only one person can free them and save the world: Lockheed.
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

Yes that's Lockheed with guns. 'Nuff said.

X-FACTOR #201
Written by PETER DAVID
Penciled by BING CANSINO
Cover by DAVID YARDIN
Something is rotten in the state of Latveria. How does it relate to the disappearance of the Invisible Woman? How does it involve Layla Miller, and is she now an ally of Doctor Doom, with all of her precious knowledge at his disposal? Will Madrox learn exactly who is buried beneath that mysterious grave? And will you buy the issue in order to find out? We dunno; what're we, psychic?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

When a solicit results in you yelling "SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" you know you'll not only pick up the comic but you'll love the shit out of it. Peter David helps a fair bit too by being one of the best writers of all time... I'm really not on the ball here. Um.... oh yeah mysterious grave. That whole thing... Yeah.

X-BABIES #4 (of 4)
Written by GREGG SCHIGIEL
Penciled by JACOB CHABOT
Cover by SKOTTIE YOUNG
Star Comics Variant by JACOB CHABOT
The gloves come off! The X-Babies are in way over their heads as they’re overwhelmed by adorable-ness. Can they, even with the help of the Star Heroes, survive? And when the dust settles, control of the Mojoverse goes to...?????? The X-Babies status quo changes forever in this issue! Plus, a Star Comics reprint!
40 PGS./New and Reprint/Rated A …$3.99

X-BABIES! THEY'RE BABIES! AND X-MEN! AND FREAKIN' AWESOME! No sense of a big climax here, but then I've read one issue and have no idea where it's really going to head. Still, I THINK it'll be awesome, so there's a THOUGHT ON it.

X-MEN FOREVER #15 & 16
Written by CHRIS CLAREMONT
Penciled by PETER VALE (#15) & TBA (#16)
Cover by TOM GRUMMETT
GREAT JUMPING ON POINT…the fate of PERFECT STORM! The last time we saw Storm, she was fleeing from the X-Men, having blinded Sabretooth and killed Logan. Now, we turn our focus to Wakanda to see what became of the evil clone of the woman that the X-Men loved and trusted. ALSO: new two-part story starting with Issue 16 as CHRIS CLAREMONT continues his landmark run on X-MEN FOREVER! Don’t miss a single panel! Plus, an extra feature detailing a timeline of what other Marvel Universe stories were occurring during the current X-Men Forever saga!
#15 - 40 PGS./Rated A …$3.99
#16 - 32 PGS./Rated A …$3.99

Okay I confess I'm not buying these, I just want to point out that in January there will be 16 issues out there and only one trade. That I own. That contains 5 issues. WHERE THE HELL IS VOLUME TWO?! I'm going to have to be buying these things in the end just to not get left behind. Also where's evil Storm's scar gone?

MARVEL MASTERWORKS: THE FANTASTIC FOUR VOL. 3 TPB
Written by STAN LEE
Penciled by JACK KIRBY
Covers by JACK KIRBY & DEAN WHITE
Prepare yourself for another dose of the World’s Greatest Comic Magazine, courtesy of the world’s greatest comic collaborative team! Lee and Kirby set the standard for out-of-this-world imaginative adventure and launched the Marvel Universe with the Fantastic Four. Now, with all the Marvel U.’s super hero players in place, it’s time for the FF to run the gauntlet. The Thing throws down with the Hulk in a battle so huge it takes the combined might of the FF and the Avengers to stop it; the Sub-Mariner makes a play for Sue Storm; the FF tangle with the X-Men; Nick Fury drops by in the story that set the table for “Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.”; and even Dr. Strange makes an ever so astral appearance! Oh, and there’s villains, too! The Mole Man makes his first return since FF #1; Dr. Doom threatens the FF once more, and if he’s not evil enough for you, just wait ’til you see the surprise identity of the Hate-Monger! Just for fun, you’ll also get the Mad Thinker and his Awesome Android, the Puppet Master, the Red Ghost, the outer space Infant Terrible, and the villain fans love to hate—Diablo! Collecting THE FANTASTIC FOUR #21-30.
248 PGS./All Ages …$24.99

I still need volume 1 of this but I'm loving the TPB releases of Marvel Masterworks (an ex bought me volume 2, which I cherish dearly for some great Kirby/Simek art). In fact due to the set-up for Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. I'm going to go back and buy the hardcovers for that series too. My wallet screams.

SECRET WARRIORS VOL. 2: GOD OF FEAR, GOD OF WAR PREMIERE HC
Written by JONATHAN HICKMAN
Penciled by ALESSANDRO VITTI & ED MCGUINNESS
Cover by JIM CHEUNG
Baron Strucker and Norman Osborn team up to drive out the Marvel Universe's ultimate covert superteam. It's wall-to-wall insanity as the Dark Avengers and the Thunderbolts go after the Secret Warriors. It's time for Ares to get his son back! And in THE LIST, Osborn's got it in for Marvel's super spy, but what happens when he needs Nick Fury to uncover a breach in national security? Nothing good, nothing good at all. It's lies, interrogations, double-crosses and just a whole bunch of meanness. Collecting SECRET WARRIORS #7-10 and DARK REIGN: THE LIST - SECRET WARRIORS.
128 PGS./Rated T+ …$19.99
ISBN: 978-0-7851-4306-2
Trim size: standard

No shit moment: Secret Warriors is awesome and worth buying the hardcovers. That'll do for a thought.

AGENTS OF ATLAS: TURF WARS PREMIERE HC
Written by JEFF PARKER
Penciled by GABRIEL HARDMAN, CARLO PAGULAYAN, DAN PANOSIAN & PAUL RIVOCHE
Cover by LEINIL FRANCIS YU
Disturbing visions plucked from the malignant mind of Norman Osborn lead the intrepid Agents to the darkest depths of the Atlantic Ocean, where Namora must have words with her infamous cousin — the Sub-Mariner! Then, The Agents of Atlas find themselves racing around the world to rescue their leader! Jimmy Woo and M-11 find themselves under the talons of the most terrible power in China...the deadly- and beautiful- JADE CLAW! Plus: the Atomic Age heroes meet the original gamma ray giant and learn the meaning of HULK SMASH!!! Collecting AGENTS OF ATLAS #6-11.
144 PGS./Rated T+ …$19.99
ISBN: 978-0-7851-4276-8
Trim size: standard

Buy cancelled series it makes sense and keeps them going in a million different forms because Marvel is obsessed with Agents of Atlas now for some reason.

CABLE VOL. 3: STRANDED PREMIERE HC
Written by DUANE SWIERCZYNSKI
Penciled by PAUL GULACY & GABRIEL GUZMAN
Cover by DAVE WILKINS
We open literally one second after the shattering conclusion of "Messiah War," and Cable's mission to save mutantkind has never looked bleaker. In fact, you can't even call it a mission anymore... After all he’s been through, after all he’s survived…now all Cable can do now is pray—pray the heavily armed killers roaming the deep future can’t match his survival skills.
Then, with the Earth destroyed, Cable and Hope must venture into space. If Hope is going to make it into adulthood, she’s going to have to do it in the cold, lonely vacuum of space, alone except for dark forces that know she’s coming. Collecting CABLE #16-20.
120 PGS./Rated T+ …$19.99
ISBN: 978-0-7851-4241-6
Trim size: standard

The one volume of Cable that is indisputably good. It's worth buying just for that. Seriously that's the best recommendation I'll ever give this series, so you better bloody buy it!

MARVEL FAIRY TALES GN-TPB
Written by C.B. CEBULSKI & DAVID SEXTON
Penciled by KYLE BAKER, JOÃO LEMOS, NUNO PLATI, TAKESHI MIYAZAWA & RICARDO TERCIO
Cover by WARREN KREMER
Re-imagining the greatest Marvel stories through folktales, myths and fables from across the globe! In Avengers, see Captain America, Iron Man, Thor and the rest of the Avengers as you've never seen them before with all-new interpretations of Peter Pan, Pinocchio, Alice in Wonderland and the Wizard of Oz. In SPIDER-MAN, Mary Jane fills the shoes of another famous red-head in this retelling of Little Red Riding Hood with super hero sensibilities! Will Spider-Man be able to save her on her way to Aunt May's house? And in X-MEN, it’s a re-imagining of the tragic origin of Professor Xavier and Magneto! In the ancient African tale, “The Friendship of the Tortoise and the Eagle,” dangerous circumstances cause two pals to take violently different life paths… Collecting AVENGERS FAIRY TALES #1-4, SPIDER-MAN FAIRY TALES #1 and X-MEN FAIRY TALES #2.
144 PGS./Rated A …$14.99

Avenger Fairy Tales is great and it's been a bitch to even find out if it had a trade release, so this gem of a TPB fills me with all sorts of happy. Must buy material.

MARVEL DIVAS TPB
Written by ROBERTO AGUIRRE-SACASA
Penciled by TONCI ZONJIC
Cover by J. SCOTT CAMPBELL
What happens when you take four of the Marvel Universe's most fabulous single girls and throw them together, adding liberal amounts of suds and drama? You get the sassiest, sexiest, soapiest series to come out of the House of Ideas since Millie the Model! Romance, action, ex-boyfriends, and a revelation that changes everything! Let your inner divas out with this one, you won't regret it! Collecting MARVEL DIVAS #1-4.
96 PGS./Parental Advisory …$14.99

I've been loving Marvel Divas like the horribly effeminate person I tend to be, so me buying this has always been a guarantee. Glad to see the solicit isn't horrible for once too.




Wow that's actually it. I'm done with this article. Welcome back to the world of updates. Expect one of these for DC soon too. Oh and maybe some proper articles too that are interesting and clever.
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Thoughts On: October Solicits (Marvel)

Ah, solicits. No need for me to rush addressing you. You'll still be far away in a week's time. But I'm feeling nice and you've been ever so kind as to include another cover for Nomad: Girl Without A World, my precious obsession.

With that in mind let's dive into the best and worst solicits released by Marvel for October 2009!

OH LOOK A JUMP! WELL NOT THIS THIS IS JUST POINTING OUT THAT THING THAT SAYS READ MORE. UNLESS I MADE THIS A HYPERLINK WHICH I MIGHT! WHO KNOWS?

MARVEL

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #608-610

What's In It?: “WHO WAS BEN REILLY?”, an arc that focuses on Raptor (a new character who thinks Ben Reilly killed his family) trying to get revenge on the Scarlet Spider. Except the only lead he has is his perfect lookalike PETER PARKER.
Will It Be Good?: Marc Guggenheim is on it, so I have a decent amount of faith in it. However the lead-in annual was a pile of arse. Ben Reilly was best left as an infamous part of Marvel's history.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN PRESENTS: ANTI-VENOM - NEW WAYS TO LIVE #2 (OF 3)

What's In It?: Anti-Venom, perhaps the best symbiotic-thingy outside of Toxin doing that typical "anti-hero waging one-man war against those who have sinned" and such. Difference is this is awesome and fresh just for being Anti-Venom! Oh and The Punisher drops in because he is also an anti-hero and we can't just have a tiny three issue mini focus on the main character and developing him. No that would be TOO WISE!
Will It Be Good?: Yes. Look at the SIZE of that title! The ridiculous nature of that alone guarantees awesomeness! Oh and Zeb Wells, a writer I'm growing more fond of with each issue of New Mutants.

ASTONISHING X-MEN #31

What's In It?: A new arc by Warren Ellis! Agent Brand in a sticky situation involving exploding asteroids and hurtling towards earth! Of course this has to involve the X-Men at some point else Ms. Brand would have taken over the comic long ago. As such they are called into action to help her. Nice.
Will It Be Good?: Warren Ellis rarely lets me down. Even when he completely changed a classic series like Thunderbolts it worked out okay. As such this SHOULD be good. That and Armour on the cover (another of my many 'favourite X-Men') means we'll have one solid element.

BLACK PANTHER #9

What's In It?: More of the most innovative reinvention of the Black Panther since... Well.. Ever I suppose. "POWER" part 3 takes the new Black Panther and puts her up against a super-villain I've never heard of called Predator. I thought it'd be a weird alien who fights aliens or a mutant eating monster, but apparently it's a woman with a whip or something. Whatever. Oh and T'challa is still there on some sort of journey. So he's alive still I think.
Will It Be Good?: Probably. Maberry (the writer) is fresh to the series with this arc and I have no experience of the writer. However this new Black Panther has been consistently good from the get-go so we can assume that Marvel have been careful to uphold such quality.

CABLE #19

What Is It?: “QUEEN CAPTURES BISHOP” Blah Blah Bishop Blah Blah Hates Hope, Blah Blah Cable, Blah Blah NUCLEAR BOMB?! Bishop now has a bomb in his arm so he can kill himself to kill Hope. Man, dude's serious. But then he's pretty sure he's a good guy. Heck at least if he kills Cable (another mutant I like) this horrid series will end. Oh and THE BROOD QUEEN! I was pretty sure all the brood died out when No-Name of World War Hulk fame died. Fuck it I don't care.
Will It Be Good?: NO. Unless Gabriel Guzman is a fucking AMAZING artist this will be a poorly written story with no redeeming features. Swierczynski killed Immortal Iron Fist and now he's driving his OWN SHITTY SERIES INTO THE GROUND!
I checked, he's a pretty good artist. It might be readable.

DARK AVENGERS: ARES #1 (OF 3)

What Is It?: A mini about Ares training agents of HAMMER by Kieron Gillen and drawn by Cary Nord. There might be more to it than that but fuck it that's close enough.
Will It Be Good?: Possibly. Gillen did good work on Beta Ray Bill: Godhunter (kinda) and Nord impressed the shit out of me with Secret Invasion: X-Men, so I'm quietly optimistic about them both handling one of the easiest characters to write in the entire Marvel U.

DARK REIGN: THE LIST: SECRET WARRIORS, PUNISHER, HULK & WOLVERINE

What Are They?: The List is Marvel's answer to "Will Dark Reign ever end?!", supplying a series of interconnected one-shots where in Norman Osborn will try and deal with something related to the Titular characters. So Secret Warriors is taking down Nick Fury, Punisher is taking down the Punisher, Hulk features him trying to deal with... Skaar I THINK, it isn't clear and Wolverine has him dealing with Weapon Plus. Well, wanting to control it. WHICH MEANS WE GET MORE FANTOMEX! WOO!
Will They Be Good?: Yes, No, Yes and Maybe respectively. The Punisher's crusade against Osborn has been bland and that won't change. Everything else however is pretty awesome, between staff and plot. Wolverine is the closest to a guarantee from me, followed by Hulk (unless RULK pays a visit).

DEADPOOL #900

What Is It?: A lie. A brilliant and hilarious lie just to take a jab at some DC comic reaching issue 900 soon. 104 pages, so on so forth.
Will It Be Good?: Probably not. Deadpool isn't funny anymore. In fact he's only really been hilarious when alongside Cable in their combined series Cable & Deadpool. However we have Van Lente lending his talent to proceedings. Oh and our favourite 'not a homophobe' Rob Liefeld (I jest, I jest. He's probably not a homophobe). Expect weird stuff. BUTT STUFF. Ya know... 'cause he can't draw bums without them being large and overly accentuated... Ah sorry that was crap.

DOCTOR VOODOO: AVENGER OF THE SUPERNATURAL #1

What Is It?: Okay, I know that Brother Voodoo is a psychologist, so switching to Doctor Voodoo is fine, but why change it just because he's sorcerer supreme now? Seems kinda weird. Ah well at least we won't have Bendis dicking around with how he should be. So we have Rick Remender telling us a story all about how Jericho Drumm is spending his time as sorcerer supreme. Which is nice. Not enough known yet, let alone who's drawing it.
Will It Be Good?: Come back after SDCC when I know more. I'll get it for the first issue anyway because I know very little about the magic side of Marvel (save Avalon and Captain Britain).

SPIDER-MAN 1602 #1 (OF 5)

What Is It?: Jeff Parker handing us the final 1602 series, this time focusing on one of the better characters from the saga SPIDER-MAN! Norman Osbourne has been treacherous and sent Spider-Man back to Europe or something. I've only read the original series.
Will It Be Good?: I don't know. 1602 was brilliant but without a knowledge of the non-Gaiman spin-offs I can't be sure. Still this is the brilliant Jeff Parker we're talking about so it should be more than acceptable.

SPIDER-WOMAN #2

What Is It?: Comic version of the upcoming Motion Comic. Spider-Woman works for SWORD now and is off to Madripoor. Bendis writing, Maleev on art duties.
Will It Be Good?: Bendis writing says no, Maleev drawing says yes... I'll read the first issue when it comes out I GUESS.

WEB OF SPIDER-MAN #1

What Is It?: Another Spider-Man series which seems to just tie itself up in events happening in Amazing Spider-Man. Features Kaine (a clone guy. Fuck it) and mentions Kraven in the solicit. Kraven is awesome, so let's pretend this could be too.
Will It Be Good?: Kraven appearing in flashback form would be nice. Unless it's Kraven 2 or 3. Still 48 pages is nice. So I'm going to say... Maybe?



X-BABIES #1 (OF 4)

I'm not touching this. But aren't little Shugah and ShadowKitty adorable?

X-MEN VS. AGENTS OF ATLAS #1 (of 2)

What Is It?: Looks like this is replacing Agents of Atlas for a couple of months (with one a month in place of a bimonthly series?) and we can sit happily knowing it's a cheap excuse to raise the price a whole dollar. Still we get to have the Agents face off against the X-Men so they can borrow Cerebra (que?) which will be nice, seeing as they have a history with Wolverine.
Will It Be Good?: Yes. Jeff Parker can do no wrong with the Agents of Atlas. Though my judgement is suspect because I love X-Books too.

DARK REIGN: HAWKEYE #5 (of 5)

What Is It?: FUCKING CRAZY. If you've been following this miniseries you'd know just how completely mental it's been. It seems there must have been delays for it to only get to issue 5 in October but what the hell right? Anyway the conclusion seems to be more of Hawkeye going crazy and more of Ben Urich doing what he does best.
Will It Be Good?: HELL YES. If it's anything other than mental and awesome then Andy Diggle has REALLY fucked up.

INCREDIBLE HERCULES #136-137

What Is It?: BIMONTHLY HERCULES! HERCULES VS THOR! AMADEUS CHO DOING THINGS! NUMBERING THAT WE ALL KNOW NEVER MADE SENSE! WOO!
Will It Be Good?: It has HERCULES DRESSED AS THOR FIGHTING THOR! OF COURSE IT'LL BE FUCKING GOOD!

NOMAD: GIRL WITHOUT A WORLD #2 (OF 4)

What Is It?: My obsession. The second in a 4 issue mini by Sean McKeever about Rikki Barnes. So we get the girl who doesn't want to be Nomad trying to take on Flag Smasher, The Falcon making a guest appearance, and some student election stuff. Sounds awesome.
Will It Be Good?: Do I even know you anymore? OF COURSE IT WILL! CLASS DISMISSED!

NO WAIT COME BACK I'M NOT DONE!

ULTIMATE COMICS AVENGERS #3

What Is It?: Reinvention of the Ultimates. Steve Rogers has gone renegade and Hawkeye and Nick Fury are retrieving him or something and... Wait is that Wasp on the cover? Isn't she dead? And is that Black Widow? WHAT'S GOING ON?!
Will It Be Good?: I DON'T UNDERSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!

DARK AVENGERS #10

What Is It?: Shit hits the fan as Norman Osborn FINALLY loses control. We've all been waiting for this and I hope it leads to Dark Avengers ending VERY SOON!
Will It Be Good?: No. Dark Avengers has been awful all the way through, save for a mediocre Utopia chapter.

DARK WOLVERINE #79

What Is It?: The Daken ongoing continues as stuff seems to go wrong for him for some reason. Who cares about the plot? In the end it's the character who makes it interesting and he's still in it. That's all you need to know.
Will It Be Good?: Probably. Daken is an awesome character and it'd take a really bad piece of writing to ruin that.

MIGHTY AVENGERS #30

What Is It?: That whole Unspoken arc goes into high gear with nigh-on every Avengers team (Pet Avengers are busy I guess) joining in for the 30th issue of the best Avengers comic out there!
Will It Be Good?: Yes. Slott is the master of the Mighty Avengers. He knows what he's doing, even if it could end up a cluster fuck.

THUNDERBOLTS #137

What Is It?: A chance for Thunderbolts to save itself from... Itself. The original team throws down, secrets are revealed (like... who is Scourge this time?) and Diggle gets the fuck out.
Will It Be Good?: I don't know. Even with the original team coming back, Thunderbolts is so skewed that any sense of nostalgia will probably die. We need a collapse of Thunderbolts and a new numbering, a new series, a reboot of the original concept. anything but what it's become.

X-FACTOR #50

What Is It?: The comic that pisses off Liefeld fans reaches its 50th issue in style, ending a year long arc and potentially bringing everyone together again (sans Rahne). to say I'm looking forward to this is an understatement. Peter David has plans for this that could blow our ever-loving minds!
Will It Be Good?: Is there a good artist on it? Yes? Then sure.

MARVEL HOLIDAY SPECTACULAR

Why does this remind me of the WARRIOR christmas poster book Linkara and Spoony reviewed? (link included in this statement)

FINALLY! To all the solicits yet to be revealed (held back till San Diego Comic-con) or lacking cover images:

FUCK YOU!

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