Flip The Page Review: Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #3

Okay, so it's been an updateless week. In all fairness I've had no access to the internet this week and have been busy with some real life stuff too. On the other hand I've been endlessly twittering the last coupla days, further proving that I slack a heck of a lot. So I return, with another boring review. Hard to stand out with these eh?

Still here we are, reviewing a comic about a man who is also a Spider. Except he's not a man, he's a teenager. Ya know, 'cause it's Ultimate Comics Spider-Man.

I've been pretty receptive of Ultimate Comics so far, enjoying Ultimate Comics Avengers and Ultimate Comics Spider-Man to a sizable extent (though I'm very much of the party who doesn't see UCSM as anything more than a pointless renumbering of the original series) and being more than ready to pick up some snazzy hardcovers when the time comes. Which is amazing with Spidey because this is Brian Michael Bendis we're talking about.

The man has written some awful shit in his time. Avengers Disassembled (one of the worst comics I've ever read), New Avengers (save for the Sentry arc), Mighty Avengers (wait I own all of that it's not that bad), Secret War (mediocre), Secret Invasion (kinda bad but I own it and love the tie-ins), Halo: Uprising (GAAAAAAAAAAAAH), Dark Avengers (SUCKS ARSE mosta the time) and the crappy Spider-Woman motion comic that I really REALLY hate.

So why is it that he can do all of that and yet still sit down and churn out likable Ultimate Spider-Man comics? It makes no sense. Perhaps this review will shed some light on that. Or it'll just be another journey into moments and such.

HIT THE JUMP TO READ THE REVIEW WHAT ELSE WOULD IT DO YOU FOOL!

Quick plot catch-up: Spidey blah blah blah, Mysterio blah blah blah, Post-Ultimatum blah blah, Everyone Loves Spider blah, Dude In Red Cloak BLAH BLAH BLAH, Johnny Storm blah blah.

That do it?

I've already said what I want to about Bendis so I'll move straight onto David Lafuente. I've been kinda whoring out my love for artists a bit too much lately so the impact of me saying that Lafuente is one of the best artists I've ever seen the work of is completely lost but SCREW YOU ALL I MEAN IT! This dude has done some brilliant work such as... uh... Okay he's pretty new but that's the point! Lafuente is so good off the bat for Marvel that what he has done is brilliant. Patsy Walker: Hellcat comes to mind, a comic that by all rights shouldn't have been all that good, which by some stroke of luck had him on it, making it infinitely awesome. Keep an eye on Lafuente, I predict big things.

Am I done sucking up? Can I get to the moments now?

1. Coupla Things

Okay so two things I wanna point out here. A) the whole zoomed in look of Mysterio being pixellated is something most artists wouldn't have thought of doing and B) if this is what Ultimate Youtube looks like (YouPanic?) then at least it knows how much spam it needs. Good stuff and moment worthy.

2. Future Womance

Honestly if Bendis lets me down on the sexual tension here I will be very, VERY disappointed. Stands out amongst the rest of the early plot stuff this issue due to impact and successful tension.

3. Speaking Of Tension...

Finally some more substance to where MJ and Peter stand now, and exciting stuff it is. To be honest MJ is likable in this universe but as usual she'll never compare to Gwen, so to have her be the bitter ex type person here who argues with him... Well, it pleases me.

4. SPIDERS!

• I am scared of spiders.
• This has huge spiders
• This is almost scary
• But it's just a comic book
• Which I can use to kill spiders
• ... Looks cool too.

5. A Thought Occurs

Get Lafuente on an ultimate version of Spectacular Spider-Man's "Changes" arc. Go. Get. Need.

Wait I'm barely talking about the moments now...

6. NY Loves Spidey

Ya know why I love Ultimate Comics Spider-Man? Because New York loves the hell out of Spidey now. He's a hero and they all know it. Which for some reason pisses off Mysterio. Still, awesome and a pretty scene to boot.

7. A Brand New Lodger

Seriously Ultimate Spidey keeps swinging with the changes. Now Johnny is a true resident of the Parker household. Which now makes it the best ensemble house this side of... I don't know... The 616 Baxter Building? The Infinite Avengers Mansion (is that even a house?)? COOL STUFF.

And that's the issue. Excuse my rambling, I'm getting back into this again and it isn't easy. A quality performance from the comic though, even despite the low amount of moments.

Rating:

BUY IT!

Next up: I promise I'll get around to That Is Why again soon. Until then I'll probably do a Vengeance of the Moon Knight review. 'Cause I can.
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5 Days of Death: Spider-Man - Spirits of the Earth

The Marvel Graphic Novel series was an early 80s-early 90's effort, and featured stories on many Marvel heroes. It also introduced several heroes and teams. This particular 1990 graphic novel, Spider-Man: Spirits of the Earth, was written and illustrated by Charles Vess; according to the back blurb, it was 'painstakingly painted over the course of two years'. Wow, a 72 page comic whose art took two years. The art should be outstanding, right? Hit the jump to find out.

Hmm. Well, it's pretty good, yeah, but two years of time to draw comes out at more than 10 days a page. Most artists can turn out the art of a 22 page comic in that time if they work intensively. It's not that the art is bad, just that it doesn't seem to justify the time taken on it. I do like the writing here, though. It's very evocative, making the reader feel like they're swinging through the city, and this can be hard for a writer to do. It's pretty impressive, but ruined a bit by Peter's inane thought 'It's magic tonight!' What's magic? The city is magic? Webswinging is magic? The theme of the story is magic? The third one is true, by the way.

Although we start in New York, the action quickly moves...

Wait, MJ has a relative in Scotland now? A relative called MacLeod... I know that's a fairly common surname, but when I first read this I had to yell 'There can be only ONE!' So, Peter and MJ have to go to Scotland to sort out some legal issues to do with the sale of land. However, there is trouble in the Highlands; The local Laird (lord) Sir Hugh's heir, his only grandson, has gone missing, and there are rumours that faeries or ghosts were responsible. Sir Hugh, for one, believes the rumours, and has a nice little outburst down at the local pub.

I know this is mainly exposition and plot mechanics, but the most impacting thing here is still the mediocre art. A lot of the faces have an odd, angular quality about them; they look like coloured sketches that Vess didn't have time to finish. This gives the story a very unnatural feel, and doesn't really help me get into the plot at all.

Anyway, Peter decides to to check out Sir Hugh's castle (derelict since a fire damaged the roof). He doesn't have more than the briefest of looks, however, before a sinister wailing draws him outside, where a troupe of ghosts has assembled...

And a very big Harro to you too.

Friendly fellow. Also, is it just me, or is Peter's recovery at the top of the third page a little hard to decipher? I mean, I can work out that he spins, webs the wall, turns again to hit it with his shoulder and then turns once more to 'stand' on the wall, but it's a bit obscure. The lack of any background in the second panel doesn't help, either. Final afterthought - Peter's bed back at the hotel is beginning to look real good? Can he see it? That makes no sense.

Anyway, everyone at the town, including MJ, has gone to a meeting to discuss the selling of land. Spidey is watching in the rafters but, when everyone is leaving, another group of ghosts illuminate Peter, and the townspeople chase after him, thinking him a demon...

I don't buy the peril here at all. Spider-Man can leap great distances, and can run faster than a normal human. He wouldn't have any trouble in getting away from the townspeople and hiding somewhere; but then he wouldn't have to be saved by Mairi, the woman from the pub, and then she wouldn't have been established as on his side. Anyway, Mairi convinces the townspeople into letting her deal with Spider-Man, and sends him off to find out just what is really going on in the castle...

Boo to you too? That's like the opposite of badass.

Talk about trial by fire; good thing that ghost wasn't real. Where's the generator that's making all this humming? It must be quite big, say as big as a car? Big as a bus? Big as a building?

Ha! Ha Ha! HA!

That... that subverts ridiculous. That makes ridiculous seem rational. Falling off a helicopter, liquidizing a random old guy and escaping unharmed? Makes sense when compared to someone somehow having the means and motive to build, staff and supply a massive city under a castle in the Scottish highlands without anyone noticing. I mean, there is traffic down there! Is this some sort of civilization? Spidey tries to find out what the heck is going on, and promptly gets captured...

So it was Angus, the nephew of Sir Hugh, who found a massive crystal here and got funding from the Hellfire Club to build a complex machine that will soon be able to harness the power of the crystal and allow him to control nature. Incidentally, he has lasers that can partially harness the power of the crystal to make ghosts appear in the castle. I don't have to explain how absurdly stupid this is, do I? At least it can't get any worse...

*slaps head*

This is really getting to be too much. You can't explain that the magic isn't actually magic, and then explain that it is magic! The worse thing it that it's so well written it almost works, but instead collapses under it's own pretension. Speaking of collapsing under it's own pretension, the ridiculous cavern itself starts falling apart, which gets Spidey out of a tricky spot...
Leaving a dead Sir Hugh, Spidey fights his way to the surface for the final showdown with Angus. I hope that broken arm that is broken won't stop Peter, but he can always use the arm that isn't broken. Y'know, instead of the one which has been established as broken...
Seriously? From the way Spidey is socking Angus in the stomach, his arm isn't broken. What is the point of introducing an injury if you aren't going to bother with obvious continuity issues? I also like the way Peter is thinking about Angus's suicide in past tense, on the same page on which it happened and seemingly before he has actually died. Talk about getting over it fast. As Angus dies, the cavern roof presumably collapses, creating a huge hole that is flooded to form a vast, clear blue loch (lake), but leaving the castle above the surface.

Time for a one page epilogue!
Sorry, but did they just refer to the kid as Sir Hugh? The old guy was Sir Hugh. I've just checked through the comic, and it seems that both characters are called Sir Hugh. What's more, I've also found a reference to the young Sir Hugh being the old Sir Hugh's nephew, when he is also described as his grandson. Why is a prepubescent child a knight? He's the new laird now his grandfather is dead, but being a laird doesn't make you a knight, it makes you a laird. Needless to say, the character continuity is all over the place. This is an ok ending to a very mediocre comic. It's not an awful read, but it won't serve for much more than a half hour's distraction, and has pretty much no reread value because of the silly twists. Read it if it's at a library, I guess, but don't go out of your way. Read More ..

Archaic Spider-Man Reviews: Number 64

Another fortnight, another issue of Astonishing Spider-Man with massive boobs on the cover. This issue concludes the Arrow/Ero storyline in slots 1 and 2 with Consuming Passions and Predator/Prey by Peter David and Todd Nauck, and then finishes with The Book of Peter. There is no credit page for this story; I'm fairly sure the writer is Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa again because the art is the unmistakable computer vomit of Clayton Crain. With that to not look forward to, lets (hit the) jump into the main story.

At the end of the last installment, the spider-monster known as Ero had kidnapped Flash Thompson to mate with and kill him, leaving Spidey with no leads. A phone-call with Betty Brant leaves Peter with a hunch that Ero will have taken Flash to the church where she gestated. But first, he deals with a cop at the scene of the kidnapping...

Superman bends steel with his bare hands. Spider-Man snaps it.

Cool moment, almost making up for the embarrassment at the top of the page. Sometimes, Spidey transcends standard amusing goofiness and is just annoyingly lame. Also, why is he staying here to yell at a random cop rather than search for Flash, who is in immediate danger? Speaking of Flash...

Perceptive fellow, Flash

It seems that Ero has brought Flash here to implant a sack of eggs she has been incubating into his stomach. This will create thousands of beings like Ero who will team up to kill and eat Spidey. Why does she need Flash? Well, it seems that due to the coma Flash was in, he has a lot of 'tantric energy' built up. Is that what they call it these days? It seems this is why Ero had to get rid of Betty and that double K bowling person before they got it on with Flash, to avoid expending all that energy... This is from Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man! This is all a bit weird to me now; I can't imagine what I'd have thought of it when I was a kid. I like a lot of Peter David's work, but he seems to have misjudged this a bit. You can't spring tantric sex energy on people out of nowhere! Hasn't he ever heard of foreplay?

Anyway, Spidey turns up and he and Ero go at it...

...by finding out which of them has the stronger chin. What is up with this shot? Ero is in a fairly odd pose, but Spidey looks like each of his limbs has decided to leave and make their own way in the world. This kinda reminds me of the old Liefeldian trope of heroes attacking people with their crotches. It's competant-to-good art for the rest of the story though, so I guess this is just an abnormality. Incidentally, that thing at the bottom is the sack of Ero's eggs. This will be important later. There will be a test.

Meanwhile, a video of Spidey having a go at that cop has surfaced on 'u-tube' (presumably owned by the 'Goggle' of last issue). Over at the Daily Bugle, Jonah wants to use this to run yet another anti-Spidey/Peter story, and Robbie snaps. He starts yelling at Jonah, chastising him for turning Spider-Man, Captain America and all the other Civil War rebels into social pariahs. Of course, this has consequences.

Then, later...

Robbie is wise as hell
Seriously, that guy knows shit.

I could go on about Robbie leaving the Bugle being the end of an era or something, but I totally agree with his wife on this one. It was never much fun seeing a nice guy like Robbie get all that crap from Jameson. The element that made the Jonah-Robbie dynamic work was Peter; it was almost like good cop/bad cop. Now that Peter has left the Bugle, there was no real narrative reason for Robbie to stick around; indeed, I'm surprised no writer thought of this before David.

As this has been going on, Spidey and Ero have been fighting to the death with their bone spurs. Ero gets a lucky stab into Spidey's left shoulder, filling him with paralyzing venom. As he lies defenceless, Ero tries to shove her eggs down his throat, when suddenly...

Nothing gets between Betty Brant and a good toilet

What the hell? This is majorly out of character. Betty explains she keeps 'silver bullets with crosses on them' because, working at the Bugle, she's 'seen stuff that would freak out Kolchak'. Seriously, what? This is such a clumsy deus ex machina, it's hard to believe it came from the pen of Peter David. What's more, I'm not an expert on firearms but firing bullets (presumably he means shells?) with crosses on them out of a shotgun would probably loose a lot of the effect. In general, this moment is pretty cool, but a bit ill advised.

Anyway, Ero is wounded and tries to flee, but Peter pursues, eager to end their fight permanently. Ero spins a web parachute but seems to be using it to fly away, because she is rising, and holding it in front of her... Regardless, Spidey latches onto her leg and eventally forces her to crash into Central Park...

That gaping, bloodied wound doesn't seem to be slowing Spidey down much. Ah hell, this is still a really cool moment, and a great ending/death for Ero. I also like the way the birds are depicted as ravenous, like they aren't fed in the zoo. Seriously, these are vicious buggers, though they do at least leave a single spider for Peter to stamp on in a badass action hero way.

In the final page, there's more icky talk about tantric energy... and Peter finds out about Robbie losing his job. He decides to go and have a talk with Jonah. Next issue, that is.


Slot 3 is The Book of Peter. with art by Clayton Crain, I was really not looking forward to this; but i'm pretty sure this story was one of the last that Crain did for Spectacular Spider-Man. Let's power on through; besides, it can't be that bad...

OH SHI-

I'm calling ocular rape on that one. Yeah, we have the origin of Spider-Man being told yet again. I'm sick of writers recapping this over and over; it's like they have a burning need to put their own stamp on the tale just because they can. It's unjustifiable these days, what with the movie series having set out what was basically the same origin. How many of the readers of the 40th issue of Spectacular, the secondary Spider-Man strip, would be unfamiliar with this? Maybe 1% at the most?

What's worse is, this telling takes up half of the slot! The only stand out page that was at all interesting (beyond seeing the most classic of hero origins being defiled by Crain) was this one...

Good Points: Jean DeWolff and Kraven as last seen in their respective deaths in two of the best story arcs of all time. Spider Motif.
Bad Points:...
Shit. Crain has actually drawn something half decent. yeah, Peter still looks a bit strange, but this is actually approaching competence. I am seriously worried.

So anyway, Peter is frustrated at being unable to help his dying Aunt, so he runs down to an alleyway and starts punching a dumpster to pieces. Yeah, I know, angsty, but roll with it. Peter runs into... this guy.

That's right. Emo Jesus.

Ok, I guess in a world where several beings are omnipotent and the Greek and Norse Gods exist, having the Christian God turn up too isn't stretching belief any further than it has been before. Indeed, at this point belief is so stretchy it fits the entire convoluted Marvel universe in it, so what's another God in the mix. Plus, the idea of having a meal out with Hobo God is nice. It's just the pretentiousness of it all; that and the way 'God' looks like a mix of Heath Ledger's Joker, a skeleton and Snape from Harry Potter. It gets worse...

What?

Seriously, what? First you make God look like some emo fanboy's wet dream, then you dress him like that? Way to alienate the only demographic still enjoying this.

Anyway, Emo Jesus has taken Peter to the beach to show him a massive crowd of people. these, apparently, are a portion of the people whose lives Peter has saved as Spider-Man. From this, we can assume that Peter is really racist, since every single person is white... I blame Crain, as I usually do. Peter starts pleading with Emo Jesus to save Aunt May, to which he replies 'Have faith, Peter'. What, have faith in the Hobo God who has just demonstrated his existence?

The strip ends with a vision of what could be the future.

So Peter grows old with MJ, has kids called Ben and Mary, yadda yadda. The really worrying thing here is that Peter seems to have turned into Reed Richards when I wasn't looking.

Well, that was AstonSpid numbah 64. Next Issue, Peter fights JJ (seriously), we have a 'what if...' in which MJ gets shot rather than May, and the return of the classic strip as a gang war engulfs NYC. Till then, g'night.


Here's an afterthought: me and Max are really hard on Clayton Crain and the computerized style, but do you guys agree? A lot of it seems to be a matter of taste. Whether you agree or disagree (based on what you've seen), leave your comments below.

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Archaic Spider-Man Reviews: Number 63

Here we go again, with another look at... What's happened to Aunt May? Being shot by a sniper must have really changed her body chemistry or something, because she looks like Brad Pitt in Troy. What's more, you can't really see it in the scan but this cover is also fairly low res for some reason. Ah well, hit the jump for some Spidey goodness/more of May's man-chin

Made it? Good. This week the order is shuffled around, so Back In Black goes last, the second half of The Last Temptation of Eddie Brock is first and Running Out of Time (the continuation of Sandblasted) comes in second. When we left him last week, Eddie had bought a genuine Spider-Man costume from the Gap or somewhere, and was planning to get revenge on Peter by killing May, who just happens to be in the same hospital. Key thing to remember about Eddie: never call him Mr Brock.

They call me Ed-die...

Nice. What's more, the problem of someone hearing this murder is addressed in a fairly tense little scene which works very well.

Too often in comics, people get attacked or killed in easy earshot of other characters, so it's nice to have an explanation, especially when it doesn't feel tacked-on. The writer here is Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, a Harvey-Award winner who has written some stuff that looks ok, but other stuff that looks awful (read: Marvel Divas). Still, even the best writers sometimes sign on to an awful comic. Except Alan Moore of course. *Weeps inside*


That still stings. Anyway, Peter, MJ, Anna Watson and Madam Web carry out their proposed séance to see if they can locate Aunt May's consciousness. They succeed, and Peter finds her in their shared memory of the night Uncle Ben died. Here, she drops a bombshell; she doesn't want to come back. She's almost died so many times; she's tired of life.

Wow, Peter's being a bit of a dick. And May has more of a Bruce Campbell vibe now. The artist on the séance section is Clayton Crain, whose past work on Venom Vs Carnage (Toxin's origin) has cemented and demonstrated his abject lack of realism or accuracy. He's also the monkey-with-a-pencil behind the awful cover of this issue. His art is computer aided, but if this is an attempt at innovation it is severely misguided. That said, the combination of two different art styles in one story is quite effective, but I'd really rather one of the art styles wasn't so distorted and ugly.

Regardless, the séance ends with Aunt May being dragged away from Peter by weird tentacle things, leaving him alone outside his memory of the Parker house. Or something. It's all a bit confused here, but Peter senses that something is wrong, and runs to May's room to find Eddie standing by the window. He hasn't hurt May, because she was too innocent and good to harm. So... the nurse he killed earlier deserved to die? Double standards, Eddie. He seems to have gained independence from the form of Venom he's been seeing, though, so he should be ok.

...

Yikes. While this is a pretty cool moment, and the climax of the story, it's also a bit screwy. Brock has been suicidal quite a few times, but I can't recall him ever going for it with this much gusto. I suppose he has nothing to lose these days, what with the terminal cancer and visions of Venom and all. Peter saves him however, and he is in charge now. Good for him; though it probably isn't that hard to dominate a vision from his own subconscious.


Well, that's the end of an almost action-less story arc. On to slot 2, which is Running Out of Time, following on from Sandblasted last issue. Writing is Peter David, a fact I forgot to mention previously. For an example of why both myself and Max love this guy, see below.

Very few writers can put a mild bit of comic relief on the same page as a speech with severe gravitas and a declaration full of hubris without making it feel awfully clunky. It's quite nice to read a comic by a guy who just knows what he's doing.

Anyhoo, Better Brant goes to Flash Thompson's apartment and finds Peter in disguise. She quickly sees through it and starts to tell him everything about Miss Arrow, who has been screwing with her and Flash. Meanwhile, Flash and double K go to the bowling alley to... wait, what? Who the heck is Double K? *Shameless Wiki search* Kelly Kulick is an American professional bowler, apparently. This story is from her first appearance in Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #20, incidentally, but her presence here is never explained; it took me a long time to even find out what her name was. I don't mind celebrity cameos, but it helps if the person involved is famous outside of their profession; from the size of her Wiki page I'd wager most Americans wouldn't know who she was either.

So Flash and 'Double K' are coaching the school bowling team (they have them in America?) and Miss Arrow decides she has to mate with Flash, because she needs to reproduce. And she needs Flash for that for some reason. Anyway, Peter and Betty do some internet research (I want to make that a term for half-assed searching) by 'Goggling' Arrow and Spider. One of those 'Did you mean' things suggests 'Spider' 'ero', which reminds Peter of the Ero spider's that made up the Other when he saw it at Stark Towers... Basically, this is a convoluted way of letting Peter know what the Other is - Ero sounds a lot like Arrow, after all. Peter somehow knows that flash is at the bowling alley and is in danger, and heads there. This leads to a (probably) unintentionally hilarious moment.

EROOOOOOOO!

That's gotta be the goofiest thing any hero has ever yelled while smashing through a window. And look, he's taken out a random couple. They could be badly hurt by all that glass flying at them, and he's spilt that cola! Oh, and his right knee looks broken because it's all out of place. Regardless, Arrow/Ero escapes with Flash, to close the comic.


Slot 3 is the finale of Back in Black. Aunt May has a blood test, and it is revealed that the transfusion of blood that Peter tried a few issues ago has failed. Needless to say, this makes him Sad Face. Meanwhile, a detective picks up May's case as an anonymous gunshot victim, and goes to the hospital. He and a nurse try and come up with a scenario that fits the evidence. The nurse suspects MJ has a boyfriend or husband, so the cop decides to question her. Peter does not approve.

Awesome. JMS is succeeding in making Peter badass in Back in Black, through stuff like this. Of course, he'll never kill anyone, but still.

Of course, since their cover is blown they'll have to move May. Peter ties up the cop, steals an ambulance, makes May look like a corpse, takes it to the ambulance and forges transfer papers - in the name of Ben Parker, no less. I really don't buy all this - since Peter revealed his identity to the world, his face has been broadcast everywhere; not to mention the fact that no-one recognized actress and former supermodel Mary-Jane.

Anyway Peter, being the knowledgeable fellow he is, is aware that he has committed...

Ah JMS, we love you so. This is such a good character moment it almost makes up for the abject lack of action in all three strips this week.

Well, that was AstonSpid numbah 63. Next Issue, Spidey takes on Arrow, strives to rescue Flash, and faces some inner demons. Till then, g'night.

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Archaic Spider-Man Reviews: Number 62

Wow, sorry guys. This is a whole week late; but my scanner is up and running again now, and just in time for the final showdown with the Kingpin. Peter's been promising that he will kill Wilson Fisk for a couple of issues now, and I continue to approach this concept with a mixture of disbelief and amusement. Still, he looks pretty into it at the start of slot 1 (Back in Black part 4)...

WHY ISN'T HE WEARING ANY CLOTHES? Let's just hope he's not that naked after the jump.

The basic idea here is that it isn't Spider-Man who is going to have vengeance and kill Fisk, but rather Peter, so he's taken off the mask and shirt. I just wish his black trousers didn't make him look so much like shadowy naked guy in the picture above. The actual fight with Fisk is pretty cool, because it isn't really two people fighting, more Peter beating the shit out of Fisk. He's eerily silent for the first few clashes, taking Fisk apart with lethal precision. Peter then makes the same point I made last week about Fisk having no real capabilities beyond his massive ego, though he puts it more eloquently than I. Anyway, the fight culminates in a pretty badass moment

'You keep talking like a bitch, I'm gonna slap you like a bitch'

Let's just ignore the fact Peter seems to be picking Fisk up by his skin and just enjoy this emasculation of an evil man. This could only really get better if it finished with a soul punch.

Well, Fisk lies bloodied and defeated on the floor. Now all that remains is for Peter to finally take vengeance like he's been saying, right? Of course not, because this is shaping up to be a typical redemption story - hero falls, hero starts violating his own rules, hero approaches ultimate violation of said rules, hero has a change of heart, hero throws Emperor Palpatine over the balcony into the core of the Death Star... Anyway, here's how Peter rationalizes not killing Fisk.

Yeah, I totally believe you.

That's most of the first slot right there in that fight, so there's not really much to review. It ends with Pete and MJ watching over May as she sleeps. They're running out of money, but I've run out of comic, so time to give Eddie Brock cancer!

Slot 2 is The Last Temptation of Eddie Brock: Part 1. Eddie Brock? I thought he was dead from the terminal cancer he got way back when he sold off the Venom symbiote. In fact, in that arc (the first from Marvel Knights: Spider-Man) Brock slit his wrists! He should be dead twice over. Instead, he's just in a pretty, creepy splash page with a skewed panel order.

I could get into this after all.

Brock is crazy, or tripping from his medication, or part of Venom is still hanging around. Whatever the reason, this is quite a cool concept, because Venom's voice is like an aspect of Brock's mind now; compelling him to act and giving him strength. He spots MJ, who has been visiting May, who thanks to the God of comics just happens to be in the same hospital. MJ has been feeling survivor's guilt for not taking the bullet that hit May. A fair point really, and it would certainly please Max, who really hates her. I simply don't get her appeal.

Meanwhile, Peter does something filling before going to visit Madame Web. There's a clever moment here where Peter explains the whole situation to Web and asks her to perform a kind of séance for May. Web is a precognitive psychic, and has already agreed to his proposal; so talking to her is shown to be basically unnecessary. That said, I bet she sure is lonely; she seems to spend her days sitting in her Spider-Chair, waiting for people to turn up and ask for help. Poor lady.

In the last few pages, Brock's inner Venom has been browbeating him into attacking the Parkers. Brock has ordered a black Spidey suit to wear, for no real reason. What, do companies just mail out costumes to anyone that wants one? If this kind of service exists, why does Peter often complain that his suit smells bad or is falling to pieces? He can just buy a new one from the Gap!

Slot 3 is the conclusion of Sandblasted, and Spidey, Sandman and a random pothead are tracking down an impostor Uncle Ben using the helmet they found last ish. There's a nice odd-trio vibe to this, as they compete to be the best characters from Scooby Doo and then squabble about directions. It's not like they have to track down a killer before an innocent man gets electrocuted by the state... Speaking of which, Sandy's dad is getting his date with the chair fast-tracked to that same night. Barring some kind of Deus Ex Machina, it seems hopeless for him. *Snigger*.

They track the Ben killer to Midtown High, and the helmet asks Pete what kind of justice to administer, to which he replies 'poetic justice'. I just know this is going to go wrong. Sandy and Spidey run into the building and find the target; the school principle. All is not as it seems, however, as the 'principle' soon shifts into Sandman, and then Spider-Man 2211. Turns out, this is the Chameleon from 2211. Still, i'm sure he's an ok person really. Oh shit, I made him mad!

The rare shiny red Gyarados!

I'm not sure if this makes me want to play Pokémon, Starcraft or Warhammer. Needless to say, Chameleon 2211 is some kind of big red... thing, but he's only in this form for a few panels before Peter decides it would be a good idea to yank the helmet onto the alien's head and order it to administer justice. And... he's exactly right, because this somehow swaps the Chameleon with Sandman's father just before the electric chair was activated. That's such a bullshit, pulled-out-of-ass ending to a reasonable strip! How can the helmet teleport people? When was this explained? Why didn't the helmet just teleport Spider-Man to the school in the first place? Come to think of it, what will Spidey do with the helmet now? It's far too useful to not use again.

Actually, what was the Chameleon 2211's motive for all this? Was he just trying fuck things up for a few people in a really minor way? Framing one lowlife crook and then hiding for a while is not a grand master plan. This just leaves too many questions unanswered and unanswerable.


Well, that was AstonSpid numbah 62. Next Issue, Spidey protects May from Eddie Brock, discovers the truth about Miss Arrow and takes on the law. Till then, g'night.

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Astonishing Flashbacks: The Death of Jean DeWolff, by Tim

Way back in the first volume of AstonSpid, Peter David's arc 'The Death of Jean DeWolff' (originally run in Spectacular Spider-Man in the mid 80's) was featured in issues 26-29. I only started collecting AstonSpid at around issue 120, and so I was only just really getting in to Spider-Man in general. As such, I first came at this story 'blind'; I had read very little before it and was unaware of the story's reputation as one of the best arcs going.

Well, it turns out that Death of Jean DeWolff is... one of the best arcs going. Seriously, unlike The Kid Who Collects Spider-Man, this story genuinely deserves the praise given to it. Hit the jump to see what I mean.



First thing's first; the synopsis. A mysterious gunman named Sin-Eater begins a series of attacks, killing police Captain Jean DeWolff and other representatives of justice and order, including a friend of Matt Murdock (Daredevil). Spidey secures the co-operation of the detective in charge of the case, and starts to track down Sin-Eater. Meanwhile, one of Aunt May's friends is brutally mugged, and Peter is disgusted by Murdock's legal defense of the attackers. When a good friend of Murdock's gets killed, he begins his own investigation.

One of the things that really stands out about this arc is the tone it sets and maintains throughout. Here's an example; the first three pages of comic. Go on, click this and read it.

Reading those pages four years ago, I had no knowledge of who Jean DeWolff was or what she was like; I had never heard of her. Despite this, there's something about the way Peter David has this dying woman narrate her life, as it flashes before her eyes, that is arrestingly powerful. The tragic optimism, in DeWolff's last thoughts, stands out in particular. This dark tone is not cliched or over bearing, but rather engrossing.

The arc evolves into a meditation on justice, morality, anger and retribution. The conflict between Spider-Man and Daredevil is juxtaposed with the internal conflicts of each hero. Spidey has difficulty detaching himself from the case because of his grief for DeWolff's death, while Daredevil wrestles with his need to preserve his secret identity, which interferes with helping people.

Added to this is the Sin-Eater, a masked man with a shotgun who is on a mission to kill those that he perceives as having abused their power. Despite his fairly goofy outfit, he's actually an unusually realistic villain; rather than a giggling super-powered goon holding New York to ransom, he's just an insane serial killer, who shoots and runs. This villain could, without any major changes, exist in our world; and that makes him genuinly chilling.

This is an excellent arc and a very good story, with hardly a panel out of place. It's also readily available, having been collected as a trade. If you're a spidey fan who hasn't read it, seriously do, because rarely is Spider-Man done this well.
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