Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Thought Balloons: Updates, Jubilee Script + Renee Montoya pg.1!

I know, right? Halftone is awesome! The new Thought Balloons banner we've got was done by frequent contributor Danial, and by gosh darn heck have I been waiting to use it here!

*ahem* So remember that awesome writing project thing called Thought Balloons I plugged some couple of posts ago? Well it's been a long time since then and I've got a lot more entries to plug the hell out of, as well as the start of my snazzy bonus content feature over here!

For those who are fresh to the concept, Thought Balloons is Ryan Lindsay's baby, where a group of us get together week on week and write about a chosen comics character as an exercise in script skill-building. It's awesome, constructive and COMPLETELY open to viewer participation. If you're interested in being a part of it and writing about this week's character (Jubilee of Generation X and the 90s X-Men cartoon fame) then head on over to the Why Jubilee? post and stick your own script in the dooblydoo *ahem* I mean the comments.

Here's the scripts I've done since that last post:

Doctor Doom - Latveria's Street Magician

Superman - Related

Blonde Phantom - The Best Dressed Detective (in which I hate on myself unnecessarily)

Aquaman - It's A Pun, You Sea (in which I use Welsh effectively)

The Penguin - Are Penguins Furry? (in which... just don't)

The Punisher - Blood Simple

Gamora - Dojo of the Deadliest Woman

Renee Montoya - Noir As Heck

Jubilee - Who I Am Hates Who I'll Be

And now for the bonus content I've been touting. The first is a re-release of my Renee Montoya script on here, which will be followed for 11 subsequent weeks with the rest of the story. Because I'm not lying when I say that THAT, my Gamora script and my Punisher script are some of my best works I've ever done. Why 12 weeks of Renee Montoya? Because the pages are scripted with the page size of Wednesday Comics in mind and I want to do something of that sorta length with my crazy Elseworlds-style tale of stuff that is indeed Noir As Heck.

Renee Montoya - Noir As Heck

Page One - 7 Panels

1-- Renee (in a tank top, trilby, cargo shorts and sizeable boots) is sitting at a desk in a very cliché P.I.'s office, with her booted feet up on the desk. I'm talking the works, old style wood panelling in a sparse, cheap, small room, with basic lamps in some corners, and blinds on the windows. If you need any reference check just about any classic hard-boiled detective film made more than... let's say... 30 years ago. I'm not kidding, it's always the same. Heck, I think the detective's office in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" had that typical look. Anyway, the desk (and subsequently Renee) is facing the door, which is slightly ajar as a long leg draped in the lower parts of a glittering red dress is making its way through the gap. If the connected foot fits into the shot we should see some ruby-red stilettos with a very long (but not ridiculous) pointed heel.

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - I knew as soon as she entered my office that she was nothing but trouble. The kind of trouble that can never lead to anything good...

2-- The woman (who for the sake of scripting will be referred to as "Lady In Red"), a redhead with skin as white as ivory and made excessively tall and leggy by the aforementioned heels, has entered the office, leaning in a sultry pose against the doorframe, with one arm raised to her head, holding a wide-brimmed floppy red hat, with a large ribbon trailing off of it down her body. As for said body, it is covered by the previously alluded to long ruby-red sparkling dress, with a chest cut from the shoulders straight down to the navel. At that point there is another extravagant ribbon, that trails down to her heels. Her eyes are obscured by oval sunglasses with -what else- deep red lenses. Her lips are a bright red pout, alluring yet revealing nothing of her emotions. In the hand not leant against her head is a small (RED) handbag/purse dealio. A hell of a design job, but drop-dead gorgeous and *ahem* Noir As Heck.

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - Not that trouble has ever stopped women like these being worth every second in front of your eyes.

3-- We're now looking at Renee's face, trilby raised, surprised and ever-so slightly slack-jawed expression on her face.


4-- Renee is now leaning back in her chair again, trilby covering her eyes as she tries to maintain a blank expression. This, however, doesn't distract from the facts that her cheeks are now quite red.


5-- We're now viewing Renee at her desk from the doorway, with the legs and arse of the Lady In Red in view as she struts sexily towards the desk.

SPEECH BUBBLE/LADY IN RED - Oh Ms. Detective, I've come to you with quite the dilemma, a real pulava, a what-to-do and a great big mess I need you for.

6-- Viewing the scene now from just over Renee's shoulder, the Lady In Red is now leaning over the desk towards Renee, back curved so that her rear is raised above the curve itself, thrusting her cleavage at Renee's face with no real subtlety, yet still maintaining a pose by pushing her breasts together with her arms, which themselves are pushed against the desk.

SPEECH BUBBLE/RENEE MONTOYA - Whuff. A problem, you're saying? Well I'm the right person for the job, toots. And it's Renee, by the way.

7-- A close-up of the Lady In Red's face, wherein she is perching her sunglasses on the edge of her nose, looking up through her carefully shaped eyebrows at Renee with -again, what else- red irises. She is now slyly grinning.

SPEECH BUBBLE/LADY IN RED - Oh wonderful, I'd hoped ever so much that you'd be just the person I was looking for. Let me tell you about what's causing such a stir in me, making me all a-twitter, all flustered and bothered...

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - Some Dames are worth all the trouble in the world and this one... Well, she could cause three world's worth of trouble and I'd still be putty in her hands.

The second item is behind this jump, and is a SECOND Jubilee script focused more on the character at her best than the soapbox moaning about what she's become that I did for the Thought Balloons entry.


Jubilee - The First Fourth of July - Max Barnard

Page 1 - 7 Panels

1-- Jubilee is standing against a night sky, stretching and cracking her fingers in front of her. She's dimly illuminated by a light source somewhere in front of her (Chamber/Jono Starsmore), showing her in her classic yellow jacket grinning widely.

TEXT BOX/NARRATION - July 4th 1994

SPEECH BUBBLE/JUBILATION LEE - 'kay... You guys ready to be blown away?

2-- We've now pulled back to show the rest of the Generation X crew (Penance, Husk, Chamber, Synch, Skin, M) sitting in front of her (by a fair few metres? I mean you shouldn't be near fireworks when they're lit, yes?). All are sat legs crossed, though Penance has her hands to her face in fear and Husk has a fist raised in the air. The light source used earlier is now clearly Chamber's chest energy stuff, illuminating the students in what is essentially just an open field. Nothing else is visible.

SPEECH BUBBLE/M - Get on with it.


SPEECH BUBBLE/Chamber - ... You guys know I don't sodding care about the fourth of July, right? I mean it's celebrating you Yanks beating the UK and all that.

3-- Jubilee has raised her hands to the sky, ready to use her powers. Penance has lowered her hands and leant forwards expectantly and Husk has lowered her arm.

SPEECH BUBBLE/JUBILATION LEE - OKAY, OKAY! Prepare for spectacular awesomeness unlike any awesome you've ever been awesomed by before! Time to bring the FIREWORKS!

4-- Some meagre little lights spurt from Jubilee's fingers. Penance has jumped up, cowering and peeking through her fingers at Jubilee.

SFX/JUBILEE'S FINGERS - fzztleflit--

5-- Jubilee is now sad, shoulders slumped in defeat. Penance is dashing off panel. The other students are all laughing.



6-- On one side of the panel Synch has gotten up, with his arm round Jubilee's shoulder. Jubilee is looking at him with a faint smile on her face. On the other side of the panel the other students are either playing with sparklers (Skin, Husk, a VERY cautious Penance) or sitting down watching the others play (M, Chamber). The three sparkler users have "G" "-" and "X" from left to right. Because that's just how they roll.

SPEECH BUBBLE/SYNCH - Hey, don't worry about it. Just do it again next year when you've learnt to better use your powers.

SPEECH BUBBLE/JUBILATION LEE - ... Yeah. And every year I'll make it an even better show for everyone. Thanks for cheering me up Ev, you're a good buddy.

SPEECH BUBBLE/SYNCH - No problem. Things can only get better for us, I'm sure of it.

7-- Close-up of Synch and Jubilee, both looking at the reader suspiciously.




  1. I like this Jubilee one more than your other one :) Very nice work!

  2. thanks! this WOULD have been my main script but i wasn't sure if i'd get it in the right shape for posting this week

  3. That's an interesting take on Jubilee, don't know if it's a signal of more to come or just some elaborate kiss off line for her to disappear with...either way, pretty damn good.