Top Ten: Covers of 2009 [To me, at least]

Last post before Christmas, mainly because I have a much bigger thing to work on that needs doing, but also because CHRISTMAS! So enjoy, and see you back here in a couple of days. NO WAIT READ THE ARTICLE!

Oh, top lists of the year/decade, do you ever end? No? Shame, as most of you are hopelessly generic and pander to a mainstream view of what deserves to be placed in a top ten. And as we've all learned I'm the sort of idiot who will be the only person to vote something as the number 1 comic book storyline, so take from that what you will.

Anyway, here's one of my requisite lists of ____ of the year, with a basic twist. What twist you may ask? Well, I'll tell you:

This year was the first full year I've been back into comics.

So much of this year has been shaped by the various things to do with comics that affected me, and something that decided what comics I would in fact read was often the covers. In fact you could say that comic covers defined what comics I would be into and what sort of comics fan I would become (though in the end aren't we all just angry comic book nerds?). So it's with a head held high that I highlight some of the ten most important covers to my formation as a comic fan this year.

So let's dive in to one of my most important and insightful top tens that is purely about what I like and what shaped me rather than any critical opinion by HITTING THE BLEEDING JUMP!

WHICH IS THIS. THIS IS THE BLEEDIN' JUMP!

10. X-Factor #200 by Esad Ribic

This one's actually a little sneaky. I mean it just came out. But its significance isn't any smaller than the others on this (for once totally in a ranked order) list. As soon as I saw this cover in the solicits I was reminded of why I love X-Factor, why the new direction would be nothing to worry about, and why Esad Ribic is one of the best artists about. My year of full integration into comics suddenly had clarity on how the whole comics industry has the capability to both be art AND captivate in the way only good exciting imagery can. But outside of all that boring personal stuff this is really just a flippin' awesome cover and deserved a mention whilst it's still easy enough to buy in everyone's local comic shop.

9. The Great Unknown #2 by Duncan Rouleau

In a perfect world this would be issue 3, but that NEVER CAME OUT. Still, it WAS this issue that made me realise that independent comics could be awesome, even if it was the next issue image that really sunk that idea into my brain. This cover is beautiful and captivating in its simplicity (as is issue 1, but that's not the example here) and is a great draw in to a great comic if you let it absorb you in the blueness. Also light bulbs!

8. Mighty Avengers #27 50s Decade Variant by Howard Chaykin

I HATE HOWARD CHAYKIN. He's quite a shit artist. In fact he ruined Punisher War Journal for me. Like RUINED. Completely and utterly fucked up what would otherwise have been really enjoyable. So when it came to seeing one of the many brilliant decade variants (seriously I could have done a list just of those) it was with a massive amount of shame that I realised how much I loved this cover. It taught the valuable lesson that no matter how much you hate something there will always be something good to do with them. Like, really good. Same goes for Bendis (ooh deja vu. No seriously not about moaning about Bendis, moreso this entire sentence *ahem* anyway), Loeb and Liefeld (the latter of which ACTUALLY KILLED ME WHEN I REALISED). So yeah, for the sheer importance of this cover, it gets to make it onto this list! That and Hank Pym and Jocasta are adorable in this. Adorable is a manly word right? Good. MOVING ON!

7. Black Panther #3 by J. Scott Campbell

This is a hard one to make sound deep. Because it isn't. No, this is just an example of how one beautiful cover can make me buy something I'd never otherwise touch. And boy was it worth touching. Cover art is a powerful draw and sometimes just being beautiful can be enough to make people pick up something that whilst not life-changing can still influence their interests in a significant way. In fact this cover in particular should have been on the front of the hardcover. Maybe then it'd have sold loads and volume 2 would be a hardcover too (hint: no it wouldn't have been but I'm just destroyed by the lack of HC for volume 2).

6. Superman #686 by Andrew Robinson (I think?)

I can't say I even liked the idea of superman outside of his awesome tv stuff from the 90s (animated, Lois and Clark) at any point ever, so when I say that I love the Superman title now to anyone who's known me long enough it's fairly normal to expect them to be surprised. Then I follow it up by pointing out that Mon-El and the Guardian are the main characters now and they just blink, confused. Still that's not the point (especially now I LOVE Superman, especially Kryptonite and All-Star), the point here is that this cover pulled me into the world of both these obscure characters and I have yet to look back, simply because my GOD is Mon-El awesome in this picture. And in fact the whole series. This is just the incredibly pretty point that pulled me in.

5. Lockjaw & the Pet Avengers #1 by Karl Kerschl

... *ahem* LOOK AT THE ICKLY ANIMALS THEY'RE SO LOVELY I WANT TO TAKE THEM HOME AND CALL THEM ALL SNUGGLES AND LOOK AFTER THEM AND FEED THEM AND HOPE THAT THE SABER-TOOTHED TIGER DOESN'T KILL ME!

.... What? That's not fine logic? Well how about the fact that.... SHUT UP!

4. X-Men Noir #3 by Dennis Calero

When most people bring up how they discovered a love for white space covers they'll usually mention Immortal Iron Fist's covers by David Aja. Well screw those people, because I learnt what I wanted from a cover from this. Which is white space, low detail and a weird amount of depth to the image. In this case we have Eric Magnus, the X-Noir universe's Magneto and Chief of Police, showing his darkness, his brutal abuse of authority and sick pleasure in such an abuse of authority(amongst other things) in just a single image. It's awesome with layers. What more could you want?

3. Detective Comics #855 by JH Williams III

Oh as IF Detective Comics wouldn't make it onto this list. There's nothing much to say about this than that everyone ever thinks that JH Williams has made this series into art and the covers are the definitive proof of this. Especially this one which just hit me straight in the face and the bruise of artsy love has yet to fade. Wait... Is that almost a metaphor for spousal abuse? Man, I should stop writing before I put my foot in my mouth by saying something about kitchen's and sammiches.

... Except I have two more to list.

2. All New Savage She-Hulk 90s Decade Variant by Juan Doe

Wait, this seems familiar. Didn't I declare this my favourite example of a good comic cover a long, long time ago? I DID?! AND I STAND BY IT?! GOOD GOD WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!

No joke though, whilst my opinions from back then are mostly redundant, this stands as an example of a cover just blowing me away and holds a helluva place in my heart that no other comic cover will replace. Yet it's in at #2. So perhaps I should shut upa and just say that it kicks all sort of arse and is the best decade variant Marvel did this year. That and the obvious significance here is that it's one of the first covers I ever wrote about and the fact that it has continued to stay amazing to me (probably because of said early blog usage) has earnt it its place at #2.

#1. Nomad #3 by Rafael Albuquerque

Well, if you've been around the site long enough (and none of you have) you all know why this is here. I am a MASSIVE fanboy of Rikki Barnes. In fact I'm a massive fanboy of Lyra too, explaining this top two (And of Batwoman... Wait is this a pattern?). That and this is amazing. All the covers to this limited series are, utilising Red, White and Blue to great effect to make covers that arrest the eyes. This one wins out over everything ever though for actually having the ability to make me just stare at it mindlessly for ages. But as we all know, the real reason this is here is because Rikki Barnes has been a crucial part of this blog's history and her Nomad series just happened to have flippin' amazing covers. I can't emphasise how much this has been a part of my first year back in comics and just how much I like this cover. So I won't. I'll just finish this post.




Honourable mentions go to Ambush Bug: Year None #6 (never came out but by GOD is it pretty), all the covers to Chew (which I learned of too late so didn't count really) and about a million others. Now I must sleep. HARD.
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Top Ten: Comic Story Arcs

Whilst my attempts to make the site more accessible, rebooted, prettier and generally more respectable are going along at a far better pace than expected I'm sure that no-one will check the site when it's done if I don't post once in a while. As such I'm taking a leaf from the brilliant Ryan K. Lindsay of Stinkbrown fame and doing a TOP TEN COMIC ARCS! Heck, everyone should do one! START A REVOLUTION!

In a slightly shocking move this won't consist entirely of New Mutants arcs peppered with other X-Teams (GOOD GOD HAVE I GONE MAD?!) and spread itself over as many different and diverse comics as possible. Which considering one of my favourites here covers a million or so comics won't be that surprising.


(in a rare move by myself these aren't in any order, simply to save over-thinking on the subject)

1. Detective Comics: Elegy by Greg Rucka & J.H. Williams III (#854-857)

I'm sure that some people might groan at how recent this is, but then those people obviously haven't read this outstanding example of how to do an opening arc right AND as a piece of art. I mean seriously, it hit fast and hard with the plot, threw in tons of natural feeling elements, hinted at Batwoman's origin and had one of the best twists in comic history (though I'm sure it's a little corny). Still even if that was non-existent this arc stood out amongst all the others I've considered because of how well the art is implemented. Switching tone entirely depending on the content of the story with layouts so insanely beautiful grown men have been known to weep (or at least write a review that opens on the word fuck in big, bold, orange writing). A story arc that did EVERYTHING right and punched you in the gut, this has truly earned its place in this top ten.


2. Daredevil: Battlin' Jack Murdock by Zeb Wells & Carmine Di Giandomenico (#1-4)

Sometimes the thing that can truly make an arc is the flow and narrative structure, especially between issues. As such this Marvel Knights limited series captured that crucial part of a comic arc to a tee, using the 4 round final fight of Jack Murdock to frame the story of him and his son (you might know him, he's that Matt Murdock bloke. Blind, bit horny, you know) to great effect, along with the simple notion of how a person's perception of strength and what makes you strong can be completely wrong. That's really all I need to say about this story arc other than the brilliant writing and art by Zeb and Carmine. If you haven't read this then you might well have missed one of the best Daredevil arcs of all time. And heck, it doesn't even really STAR Daredevil!


3. Kraven's Last Hunt/Fearful Symmetry by J.M. Dematteis & Mike Zeck (WoSM #31-32, ASM #293-294 and SSM #131-132)

The things I could say about Spider-Man arcs and how much I love them could very well fill a very large and useless encyclopaedia and with good reason; between this, Death of Jean DeWolffe, Marvel Knights Spider-Man #1-12, Changes and The Other, Spider-Man has never failed to produce some of the best arcs of all time! Kraven's Last Hunt particularly stands out due to a combination of sophisticated plot elements (I could just straight up write an essay on the examination of Kraven in this comic and his grasp on obsession and insanity, or heck just quote the poem that runs throughout the comic) and some of the most exciting scenes in any Spider-Man comic EVARR. Seriously Kraven hunting Spider-Man at the start has to be one of the most heart-stopping scenes in any comic. One of the best arcs and in fact one of the best comics ever.

Oh and I should probably mention the magic that is how Dematteis claims this comic evolved and formed itself more than he created it (seriously buy the TPB, he explains it) and how it did the unheard act of running across all the Spidey titles to get the tale out quicker and to show focus exclusively on this epic story. 'Nuff said?

4. New Mutants: Legion by Chris Claremont & Bill Sienkiewicz (#26-28)

Okay you knew I'd address something to do with New Mutants eventually, so just be glad that I mentioned three other arcs before getting to this gem. Up until this point in the series New Mutants had been a brilliant if incredibly corny gem for me, with only Nova Roma standing up as a truly awesome comic arc, so when it finally came to hit the big mystery nail on the head of what the hell the deal was with Xavier's unknown son I wasn't quite ready for how awesome this arc turned out to be. And it WAS awesome. Aided to no end by Bill Sien... Sience... SIENKIEWICZ, this was a captivating piece of art for me and absorbed me into the mind of Chris Claremont's mad world of Legion's mind with the same ease that the characters themselves were thrown into it. the story didn't miss a beat and most importantly did what all good comic arcs should do. It made me want to read the next issue so badly that I just couldn't wait! If your comic can do that then you're on the path to greatness!

... Well all that and I bloody LOVE the New Mutants.


5. Secret Wars II by Jim Shooter & Al Milgrom et al (Don't Get Me Started)

Jim Shooter is a bit of a cunt. I'm not talking Ronald Perelman "complete and utter bastard ruining Marvel comics" cunt, just a bit cuntish. A tiny bit. Despite that small handicap Shooter managed to write what might very well be my favourite event of all time; SECRET WARS II. Turning the idea of comic flow on its head, SWII managed to have EVERYTHING change between each of its nine issues, to the degree that if you were just following the event comic itself you'd probably lose track of who the Beyonder actually is. In fact that would probably be a schizophrenic arc at best. No, it's when you see the bigger picture, where anywhere up to five different series would further the complete story, showing the Beyonder's exploration of humanity through the heroes he's met through his time on earth and how that shapes him between each issue of the greater picture. In all the time I've put into reading Marvel comics lately (I remind you I'm trying to find the 50 best Marvel comics of all time) I haven't read anything quite like this and I have to say that if all current events did this... Well it'd be bloody interesting. A crossover between crossovers and events this stands as a testament to how being completely different can be completely amazing. Heck I stand by that so much I'm buying the freakin' omnibus!


6. X-Men Icons - Chamber: The Hollow Man by Brian K. Vaughan & Lee Ferguson (#1-4)

Let's be honest now, you haven't read this. Heck as far as I SHOULD be concerned I haven't read it either. Except I did, having to shamefully resort to downloading the issues online (as I type this I've spied a relatively cheap bundle of all 4 issues on ebay I may order on thursday though, so disregard that). For whatever reason this balls-blisteringly brilliant limited series hasn't surfaced in trade form yet, a tragedy and no mistake. This comic managed to...

...

... Okay at this point I'd just be reiterating how well narrated and structured a comic can be so instead of all that usual crap I'll say this: this comic makes Chamber even more awesome than he was before. I KNOW! I'm not even saying that as a fanboy *shuffles banner with Chamber on it out of the way* but from the simple knowledge that BKV turned him into a brilliant tool to show how the prejudice against mutants isn't restricted to humans as he interacts with the arc's other prominent character Amber, a shape-shifting reptilian mutant woman with the major hots for the then-faceless wonder. Possibly my favourite limited series of all time (I say stuff like that a lot, so ignore that statement if you must), this... Is REALLY hard to explain to the full extent I should! READ IT! NOW! GO DO IT AND SAVE ME THE EFFORT OF STRUGGLING WITH THIS BUM-LICKING!

... Okay? Good.

(side note: look forward to me moaning about how I should write a Chamber ongoing series in a future article)


7. New X-Men - E is for Extinction by Grant Morrison & Frank Quitely (#114-116)

"Oh look someone saying that a part of Morrison's New X-Men was one of the best comic arcs what a surprise he must be a genius to think so ahahahaha-"

SHUT UP!... Wait who was that? Never mind, the point is that some series will obviously appear in lists like these and this is one of those series that was guaranteed to crop up at some point. It's almost such a guarantee that I don't need to explain how this arc took a series that had been stale to a ridiculous degree and changed EVERYTHING. Up was down, black was white and the X-Men had learnt how to be mature instead of edgy. Oh and it wiped out an island of mutants, beating the arse off of the far more recent mutant removal of a crazy woman using powers beyond the scope of reason to fuck shit up (though I do actually like House of M). Morrison did it all right here and then kept up that level of power in his stories right up until the end... Well except for Here Comes Tomorrow, that wasn't quite as good but shut up I'm making a point here.


8. Generation X: The Third Genesis by Scott Lobdell & Chris Bachalo (#1-3)

... It MIGHT be because Chamber is in it. MAYBE. It certainly isn't because Skin is in it and even less so that Jubilee is in it. It MIGHT be because Banshee is in it. Oh and Penance, who is genuinely intriguing, especially when she interacts with Chamber. Heck it might be because the first issue was REALLY SHINY. This is pure self-indulgence. I love this arc and as such it stands up here with the other 9 as the best comic arcs I've read. Sure it's not very professional but no-one can tell me I'm wrong this way! WAHAHAHAHA! *ahem* Uh... Moving on...


9. Animal Man: Deus Ex Machina by Grant Morrison et al (#18-26)

MORE Grant Morrison?! Creative choices, eh? This is notably more credible with the artsy crowd than my million and one mutant-related picks. This is the famous arc that took the 4th wall and bent it over and made it Morrison's bitch. Not just that but the comic evolved past everything it had already become to be a spookily sombre insight into the incredibly self aware mind of Morrison, to a degree I don't believe any other comic writer would have allowed. Not just that but the ending isn't even happy. AT ALL! It fills you soul with sadness (with that crucial tinge of hope, a light shining in the darkness) and leaves you slightly in despair. Oh and it's from when Morrison wasn't a Lex Luthor lookalike. For those reasons and more this is one of my favourite arcs of all time.

(Want another reason? I love the Psycho Pirate. However we won't dive into that here, for my obsession with mentally unstable characters is something to be addressed in a future post)


10. Phonogram: Rue Britannia by Kieron Gillen & Jamie Mckelvie (#1-6)

And finally we come to a series that isn't about superheroes, has no pretty colours and fucking hates Kula Shaker. Yes, Phonogram: Rue Britannia. An epic tale of Phonomancy, Retromancy and a jaded Phallocrat disguised as an intricate look into the creator's attachment to a musical era long dead (wait, that's the wrong way around, reverse that), Phonogram captivates the true Brit in me and twists its melons until all that remains is a slack jawed comic fan who's been amazed by one of the best comic stories out there. I can't speak for The Single Club (the follow-up series) as I haven't read it yet, but this arc is flippin' brilliant and has managed to be the only independant series apparently deserving of such a position in this Top 10. Read More ..

Top Ten Writers #1: J. Michael Straczynski

...and then there was one.

This has probably been the most long-winded and painful writing experience on the site so far and it's been pretty hard on me too (hardy har), but we've finally reached the end of the Top Ten.

Well until the 3 bonus articles. Oh yeah, they exist. Fear them.

There's no short blurb to open with to introduce this writer. It'd simply take too much outta me to shorten it all. Instead I'm just going to say who it is and continue after the jump. That's just how good he is. That and the #1 position should have a larger post or something.

With that in mind let's take a look at

#1: J. Michael Straczynski!

HIT THE JUMP TO READ THE ARTICLE!

(ha caught you off guard there didn't I!)


JMS (as I shall refer to him from now on simply to avoid spelling errors) has done so much great stuff that it's become almost torturous to know where to start. I suppose the obvious things would be Babylon 5, where he wrote pretty much the entire show save perhaps 10 episodes, but that would be obvious and unrelated to comics really. As such I could probably say something about Amazing Spider-Man... Except I'm no expert on his stuff outside of One More Day, House of M and Civil war on that front. I COULD mention Thor, where he's successfully made one of the best comics of all time without any of Marvel's crossover bullshit, but I'll get to that soon.

No, the easiest thing to say is that JMS is a wonderfully prolific character who has the ability to define characters to such an extent that any significant change causes more fan butthurt than humanly possible. And with that LOVELY image in mind let's hit the template!

Who is he?: 55 year old TV, film, novel, short stories, comics writer and #1 in this revoltin' list.

What has he done that I might know?: Babylon 5 (tv show), Changeling (film), Amazing Spider-Man, Supreme Power, Fantastic Four, Thor by JMS, The Twelve, Silver Surfer: Requiem
What has he done that I don't know?: I don't know... The outlines for 9 canonical Babylon 5 books?

Tell me some series that warrant him being NUMBER ONE!:


1. Thor
Man, where to begin with Thor? I can't honestly say that I've enjoyed any comic where Thor is a central character. Outside of this. Through something as simple as bringing back Thor's original host Donald Black and moving to Oklahoma the character gained new life. Not only that but JMS had the foresight to understand that to represent a character to its fullest potential you have to cut it off from the rest of the expanded universe. JMS' Thor didn't involve itself in any crossovers or other bullshit with nothing but something as small as an encounter between Iron Man and Thor. Which is also AMAZING. As such when you want to see a new comic based on a long time character done right you turn to JMS' Thor. It's that fucking good.


2. Supreme Power
I'm kinda still making my way through this but for a reboot of an old comic with characters that are more than loosely based on Justice Leaguers this is REALLY GOOD. Not just that but it's an alternate universe book, something that hasn't worked well since the Ultimate line first appeared. To keep this one short (and I have to to avoid sounding stupid or missing something from the plot I've yet to cover) this is an example of JMS' best work and a true example of his ability to work in ways unfamiliar to readers.


3. Amazing Spider-Man
(Okay I admit I haven't read very much of this so with that in mind I'm handing over to resident Spidey Expert and JMS fan Tim:)

I was rereading a bunch of old comics, and the first JMS stories I read were Bad Connections and Doomed Affairs from Astonishing Spider-Man #124. This was from back when Peter and MJ were estranged. Bad Connections features Peter flying to L.A. to try and reconcile with MJ, while MJ flies to New York to see Peter. They enter each others apartment, sit, remember how things used to be, then accept that their marriage is over and fly home. The writing here is truly great; we see how these two people are foiled by their similarity to each other. If only one of them had made the surprise trip, they would have met and possibly worked things out, but now it seems to all be over. Suddenly, Peter's plane gets grazed by lightning and they are forced to touch down in Denver, where MJ's flight is making a stopover. They meet, but are forced to cut their conversation short when Dr Doom turns up and gets attacked by a suicide bomber. The story pans out with the couple talking over their problem while Peter also helps Captain America protect an unconscious Dr Doom from massive attack robots sent to kill the tyrant. All of this is fitted into one single issue's worth of comic. This is insane but it works, and JMS really gets the spirit and humor of Spider-Man brilliantly. The point is, in the space of two issues, Straczynski mixes powerful emotion, well written action, highly adept plotting and great humor, irony and pathos. It doesn't hurt that the art is by Romita Jr; two masters of their art combining in a cluster-fuck of awesomeness. It's also worth stressing that this honestly was a randomly chosen story; the true mark of greatness is consistency. Back to Max. Seriously, get writing you lazy boy.

Riveting


And that's all I need to cover. Those three things alone guarantee his placement at #1. Sure I could bring up how good his series The Twelve is, or even his recent 'pretty cool' Red Circle stuff for DC, but that'd be pointless. He's earned his accolades with this and anything else is just gravy. So I salute JMS and his brilliant writing, for he is the champion of all.



Next up: some news post things, the review I've been waiting for and information about next week!
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Top Ten Writers #2: Peter David

Second day in a row where I'm really into this! Let's go!

This is where we get REALLY awesome. I mean this guy and number 1 are both fucking classy. Not just that but both have sizeable runs on awesome books. This dude in particular wrote The Incredible Hulk when it was at its best. FOR TWELVE GODDAMN YEARS.

TWELVE. YEARS.

And I've yet to read anything bad from it. Of course there's only one person this could be. I am in fact talking about

#2: Peter David!

HIT THE JUMP TO HULK OUT!

Who is he?: 52 year old consistently awesome American of German and Israeli descent.

What has he done that I might know?: The Incredible Hulk (FOR TWELVE YEARS), The AMAZING Spider-Man, Spider-Man: The Other, X-Factor, X-Factor Investigations (they're different but both just called X-Factor), Madrox, A plethora of Star Trek novels and stuff
What has he done that I don't know?: Lots of stuff that I don't know... Shut up.


Tell me five fourish series that warrant him being on this Top Ten!:


1. The Incredible Hulk
This is a hard one to write about, seeing as I'd have to summarise 12 years in a single paragraph. I guess the simplest thing to say is that this run contains his very soul. Not just because the content is consistently awesome, but also because he actually had the ability to put his feelings and personal stuff into it without it feeling like a lame outlet (save for perhaps the attack on Savage Dragon). Not just that but he developed Banner and Hulk beyond their bland stereotypes to the point that Hulk was part of a dissociative identity disorder, partially a result of Banner's tumultuous childhood with an abusive father. Other than that level of awesomeness we got Professor Hulk, Maestro, Joe Fixit and the death of Betty Ross (inspired by Peter David's wife having had recently left him). Nothing the man could do sucked, and for 12 years that's almost completely insane.


2. Amazing Spider-Man
Specifically "The Death of Jean Dewolff". In fact I'll save time: Tim has reviewed the storyline already and laid out how awesome it is. 'Nuff said.


3. X-Factor volume 1
Again, I could just refer you to another thing, Not Blog X in this case, to sum up just how good X-Factor was with Peter David's run was, but the real reason this sticks out is because it came out good even with editors raping it viciously with crossover stuff that actually stopped the stories outright. How he coped is beyond me. Still this has some great X-Stuff and more than anything else it had 'that' issue. The one where they all went through therapy. That shit was immense. So much so that he has since repeated and aped with his current X-Factor book (volume 3 has the issue FYI). Read his stuff on this, srsly.



4/5. Madrox/X Factor (current)
THIS is the main reason I love Peter David's work. I started reading this back around christmas time when I got Madrox: Multiple Choice and X-Factor: The Longest Night. This series is clever on so many levels. But the most important thing to think about here is that it nearly ALWAYS catches you off guard. ALWAYS. I can't think of any point something happened that I expected, other than for Larry Stromann's art to hurt me inside yet still be captivating. Oh and for the Secret Invasion material to be mediocre at best. But that's just the evidence that Peter David is consistently attacked by events or crossovers that only harm his work... Except Messiah Complex. That came out awesome. If you haven't read Madrox or X-Factor... You suck. Just... Suck.

So as you can see, Peter David has earnt his place at #2 and then some. Who could possibly be so epic as to beat out this man?

You'll see tomorrow (probably)
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Top Ten Writers #3: Warren Ellis

Back in a blaze of ACTUAL ENTHUSIASM! BOO-YAH!

It's been a long road, a MUCH longer road than I originally intended it to be. Still, we finally enter the top 3 in all of their godly powers. This time it's a God of SHEER INSANITY. A God who wouldn't hesitate to rip off your head and pour strange liquids down it.

Of course I'm talking about

#3: WARREN ELLIS

HIT THE JUMP, BUZZARDS OF CONTAGION!

Who is he?: 41 year old futurist with murderous tendencies

What has he done that I might know?: Oh fuck where to begin?
Astonishing X-Men (Ghost Boxes), Iron Man: Extremis, Newuniversal, Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E., Thunderbolts (110-121), Ultimate Fantastic Four, Ultimate Human, Ultimate Galactus Trilogy, The Authority, Planetary, Desolation Jones, Transmetropolitan, Doktor Sleepless, FreakAngels, Ignition City, Fell, Black Summer
Holy. Crap. That's a lot of quality material!
What has he done that I don't know?: Dark Blue, Pryde and Wisdom, Hellstorm: Prince of Lies


Tell me 5 series that warrant him being on this Top Ten!:

1. Iron Man: Extremis
You know how good Extremis is? No? You ever seen the Iron Man movie? Yeah? Blame ALL of that on Extremis. This broke new ground with a character that had managed to stagnate for some time, bringing him not only into a new world but also turning him into the well characterised risk-taking futurist who eventually became the leader of the ill-fated Initiative movement. Pretty much everything Stark has done in recent years is because of this. AND it gave him a kickass armour. AND it was a great character analysis, delving into Stark and his intricacies. That and there's a great villain who's basically just a racist hick with more depth than you'll ever grant him. If you like Iron Man and haven't read this... Just... Fuck off.

2. Thunderbolts
This is worth speaking about not only because it warrants his position here but also because it shows that even when Warren Ellis is on amazing form it can still eventually piss me the hell off. Seriously. Ignoring the fact that this 12 issue run has some of the best characterisation of characters like Mac Gargan and Bullseye (and... *sigh* Norman Osborn) and an amazing set of plots (and has Jack Motherfuckin' Flag in it!), it changed a perfectly good, nay... A perfectly FUCKING AWESOME comic with one of my favourite characters in it; Baron Helmut Zemo. Sure he got his limited series whilst all this went on but nothing can make up for what Warren Ellis started. No, Warren Ellis is responsible for Diggle's Black Ops Bullshit(tm) (that I admittedly sometimes enjoy... up till Yelena turned out to not be Yelena) and whatever horrors may continue to appear instead of the Zemo redemption story that captivated me so much. So yes, you MUST read this. But not just because it's awesome. No, because it proves that brilliance can still ruin a perfectly good thing.

3. Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E.
This is just fucking insane. Nextwave... It's just... Insane. There's nothing I can really say. This is a comic where you get Machine Man cutting through Fin Fang Foom's stomach. This is a comic where you get a teddy bear hung from a noose in a flashback. This is a comic where the leader of a worldwide organisation tries to kill himself in extreme ways and wears a dress sometimes. THIS IS A FUCKING COMIC WHERE KOALAS ARE USED AS WEAPONRY AGAINST A TEAM OF DYSFUNCTIONAL SUPERHEROES WHO USUALLY FIGHT PEOPLE MADE OF BROCCOLI! THIS. IS. BUTTFUCK. INSANE!

And there's probably nothing that can EVER match up to it. This is Ellis' best. If you haven't read it YOU ARE A CUNT. In fact just fuck off you shit-shovelling lame comic reader.

Is he gone? Good I hate him. Let's move on.

4. Dark Blue
Okay, this one I'll forgive you not knowing about simply because I didn't until I bought it. It's a small work about a crazed cop in a corrupt world. Or is it? No, no it isn't. Turns out he's a traumatised FBI (or was it CIA. Teach me to not have it with me while I'm writing this) agent in a weird hospital thing where they get drugged up into the fucked up universe he's been in. In this drug world there's a dead mind roaming about killing people like a sick fucker, so our protagonist takes an overdose, starts dying and manipulates the universe and kills the psycho mind. Then dies. Poignant, powerful and a personal favourite of mine. You won't get short stories like this anymore simply because people are lazy. Find this, buy it, cherish it, then understand why Warren Ellis is number 3.


5. Ultimate Galactus Trilogy
Gah Lak Tus is an awesome name. That is all.

... OKAY OKAY! This is how you do alternate universe events, taking a concept from the main universe and making it completely fucking different. No-one has really understood this as much as Mr. Ellis and I doubt anyone will. I mean this is all basically new concepts and amazing plots that have nothing to do with 616 Galactus, but still captures a modern version of the essence. Warren Ellis surprised the shit out of me with this and it's the final evidence that Warren Ellis is the third best writer EVARR (that I know enough about).


[Final Category Removed Due To Pointlessness]



And that's the 3rd best writer. Next a review and #2 probably.
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Top Ten Writers #4: Dan Slott

.... Yeah, I know. Let's crank this out and I can weep openly.

Today we get to 'the funnyman' of Marvel comics. A person who doesn't have the same wealth of comics as some of the others in this Top Ten, but what he does do is shiny gold. Not to say he can't do serious well, he just has a powerful sense of humour.

And can kill you with a swipe of his mighty hand.

Yes. I'm talking about

#4: DAN SLOTT

I WISH I HAD A GREAT LAKES INITIATIVE LINE FOR THIS THING TELLING YOU TO HIT THE JUMP!

Who is he?: 42 year old Californian Demi-God.

What has he done that I might know?: Amazing Spider-Man (Brand New Day stuff), Avengers: The Initiative, Great Lakes Avengers, GLI/Deadpool Summer Fun Spectacular, Mighty Avengers, She-Hulk
What has he done that I don't know?: Most mentionable things are the The Thing 8-issue-then-cancelled-series and the Ren & Stimpy Marvel comics that were his big break. Oh and he did a Doc Samson mini but I've never read that.

Tell me Five Four series that warrant him being in the Top Ten:


1. She-Hulk
Dan Slott pulled off just about the most amazing things in this series, from explaining character assassinations to delving into the mentally disturbed mind of Jennifer Walters (well mentally disturbed... more just nymphomaniac tendencies). The character went through so much more in his 30ish issues than anything I've seen of the character beforehand. Sure like most things Dan Slott has handled the sales suffered, even at one point leading to a relaunch, but within these issues you got the best examination of the character that's ever graced anything ever. If that doesn't warrant a Top Ten position then... Be glad I'm sucking up to 4 other series he's done.


2. Avengers: The Initiative
There were a million and one ways this could have gone wrong, most of which are related to having a worse writer on the title. Marvel got lucky though and had Dan Slott kick things off. The series is a shadow of its former self now, but back in those opening 19 issues it was the best avengers title available (admittedly because Bendis was still on Mighty Avengers and Pet Avengers didn't exist at the time), with the initial story about MVP/KIA being so freaking awesome that some readers exploded at the sight of it. You'll spot I'm having trouble being all snooty and clever with my thoughts on Slott but that's simply because he's a fun writer, something that's hard to delve into with smarts. You just need appreciation.

... Yeah now I've disguised my incompetence!


3. Amazing Spider-Man (specifically New Ways To Die)
Screw the people who moan about Brand New Day. Seriously anyone who moans about it should be shown this arc. And the Hammerhead arc. And Kraven's First Hunt. All three are awesome with this at the pinnacle. Ya know why? Two words, connected by a hyphen: Anti-Venom. Oh and another two words: Mr. Negative. Admittedly the latter is a cheat because I'm in vicious man-love with 'Martin Li', so any arc he appears in is immediately a classic. It helps that this is some pretty high quality thrills, with some brilliant symbiote interaction (best since Venom vs Carnage?) and one of the last GOOD appearances of the thunderbolts. If you're trying to show someone a good modern spidey story it's THIS one. Or Kraven's First Hunt.


4. Mighty Avengers
Where to begin. After what, 20 issues of Bendis' above average but still not that good Mighty Avengers (wherein almost half was event material with no real relation to the Mighty Avengers comics before them) Dan Slott stepped up to the plate. What did he bring in? HANK PYM IN AN AWESOME NEW COSTUME!

Seriously my favourite new costume. But that's not all! He took in a variety of characters from all over and constructed what might be the most original and interesting team of Avengers EVER. Heck that wasn't even enough! He created the best overarcing subplot of the Scarlet Witch/Loki deception and reintroduced G.R.A.M.P.A., his better-than-shield world agency. This is a groundbreaking approach to the Avengers with no mistakes so far outside of some bum art for an issue or two. This comic would seriously have to start murdering people before I'd mark it down at all. And THAT. THAT. THAT IS WHY DAN SLOTT IS AT NUMBER FUCKING FOUR!

Yeah there's only four here but I haven't read all that much (coulda spoke about Great Lakes but that's just straight up awesome comedy, so I'd be rambling) and I'm a fanboy. Shut up!


I'm also not going to write about why his writing's awesome. Because you've gotten the gist of that from me going on and on and on.

In fact I'm just going to go to sleep, it's been a busy few days.


Low editing and such because I'm drained. I'll go back and redo this one some day. Reviews soon or another break? Seriously not into doing the next one tomorrow.
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Top Ten Writers #5: Grant Morrison

Another day written off and this has officially failed to resemble ANYTHING like 10 straight days of doing this. In this case I'm gonna blame getting close to the 100th post and the fact that the final 5 are much better constructed than the last 5.

#5: GRANT MORRISON

Today we enter the crazed mind of another writer, one who has achieved a fair bit over his writing career. I could list them all but you've already read the title and know at least SOMETHING the man has written. So instead I'll just lay back and relax...

... OH GOTTA WRITE THE REST OF THE ARTICLE THAT'S BEHIND THE JUMP!

Who is he?: 49yr old Scot and Lex Luthor lookalike.

What has he done that I might know?: Dan Dare, Animal Man, Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth, Batman & Son, The Resurrection of Ra's al Ghul, Batman R.I.P., Doom Patrol, All Star Superman, 52, Final Crisis, Batman and Robin, Seaguy, WE3, Skrull Kill Krew, Marvel Boy, New X-Men, Wildcats
What has he done that I don't know?: A plethora of stuff so vast that I'm not gonna list it. Deal with it, that's what wikipedia is for!


Tell me 5 series that warrant him being on this Top Ten!: Okay you pushy voice in my head, I think I just might!

1. Animal Man
What to say about Animal Man? With this series Morrison was given a little known character (well it was his proposal so it's not really given as much as allowed... Where am I going with this?) and by expanding him from what was nothing to this flagship for the British Invasion of comics. It wasn't just that achievement that makes it noteworthy, with this series Morrison managed to do such brilliant things as address the nature of reality by manipulating and deconstructing the 4th wall and such, something that wasn't regularly done at the time. This comic was almost revolutionary in its awesomeness and as such stands as enough to warrant him being in the Top Ten alone (though not #5 by itself)

2. All Star Superman
I have to admit I don't know much about All Star Superman, having only glanced at it periodically, then glancing again for the sake of this Top Ten. The main point to make is that it's an out of continuity look at Superman that won an Eisner award and generally rocked bells, changing and updating Superman into something far more than he was at the time. I mean sure now we have New Krypton that's developed him in a new way and made him better than ever but before that THIS was the series to turn to for that innovative ground-breaking approach to the character. Further evidence that Grant can do what he likes with a character and still rule the roost.

3. Marvel Boy
Perhaps the least relevant here; this is more a personal choice to talk about than a series that represents Morrison at his best. Marvel Boy was a modern piece of art, managing to make a small impact with its Kirbyesque stylings and combining modern sensibilities (very morrisony ones at that) with silver age stylings and atmosphere. Whilst not well remembered it's the Marvel work that mattered from Grant and needs to be read by everyone who wants to write a Marvel comic. Or something like that.

4. Final Crisis
Let's keep this short and obvious: when a series is still awesome after something as horrible as COUNTDOWN TO FINAL CRISIS you know the writer has some serious chops.

5. New X-men
I fucking LURVE mutants. I enjoy Frank Quitely's art. I had never even HEARD of Morrison when I read this for the first time. New X-Men changed EVERYTHING. It evolved characters, killed characters who were long in the tooth (not that that lasted), gave characters that were 2 dimensional previously massive amounts of depth. Grant Morrison was gently caressing my reading eyeballs and tonguing some sort of comic reading vagina in my mind when I first read this back in the early 00s. There will never be an X-comic with this much impact on me and I think that any reader who approaches this will feel the same way. WOO BIAS!

Skrull Kill Krew - "Mr. not-appearing-in-this-article"

Now tell me why his writing's good!: STOP PRESSURING ME OKAY? The reasons are all up there! He's a genius who understands more about pacing and characters and emotive resonance and the medium of comics than me! As such I can't hope to explain this very well. Just understand that the man IS Lex Luthor and perfectly able of beating Superman. That's how fucking awesome he is. With that in mind I'm going to curl up now because I don't think I can suck any more writing cock tonight. Just understand that he deserves to be here, if not higher.


Good thing I'm not sucking any more writing cock with the three reviews that'll appear soon. All comics are somehow bad. Also I'm glad this post didn't degenerate into me yelling BALD over and over. Perhaps I'm evolving. Like a Pokémon. Bulba!

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