Friday, 10 September 2010

Friday List: Top 10 Awesome Pokémon

Be honest. You love Pokémon. You still play it, and sometimes you feel the need to check out the TV show or card game just to see if they still exist. You moan every time they reveal new Pokémon for upcoming games, but still form new favourites and get excited about the game's release. Deep down you're still that child who played Pokémon for the first time, absolutely entranced by what you saw and what you did. And heck, it warms your heart every time you see a kid experience this crucial part of your history for the first time, becoming as enraptured as you were at their age.

... Okay, I'm projecting a bit. But it's pretty safe to assume that you're like me, one of those people who had their life profoundly affected by an admittedly basic monster training RPG.

So today I'm breaking away from comics (though Pokémon has had, like, a MILLION manga spin-offs and such) to look at the 10 Pokémon that are just so god damn cool when you think about it that you wish they were real. Except the ones that would just kill you. I mean fuck those guys.


#10: Probopass
This dude has facial hair that no man can truly beat. Screw his moveset, strengths, weaknesses, whatever. He wins. Because that EV-trained lv.100 Arceus you love so much or whatever? Does NOT have this fucking Moustache. And it IS capitalised. Just because it's so hardcore. Like the Dad you always wished you had, he has the wisdom that only those who know the true art of Moustache can have. And that's why he's on this list. That and I'm pretty sure his ears are stone bird-heads, which makes your arguments invalid.

#9: Blastoise
Blastoise does NOT fuck around. Every other Pokémon out there is just a creature using its abilities to fight and survive. Not Blastoise. No, Blastoise saw his chance to outshine them all and through the sheer power of evolution grew TWO HUGE FUCKING CANNONS OUT OF ITS BACK PURELY TO KILL A BITCH WITH!! He'll stare you down and hurt you. And sure he's tubby, but you try and burn him and he will SOAK YOU!

#8: Houndoom
Dude's straight-up just a HELLHOUND. I mean Houndoom is a creature of hell, walking amongst the living, burning up their Pikachus. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?! Oh, devil horns and some bones on the outside? Flame breath? If you can find a way to get three of these guys on a shirt with a moon we're ALL gonna be rich, and you know it.

#7: Ledian
Are you a teensy little ladybird? No. Can you punch the shit out of things with your many, many arms? Hell no! Then Ledian owns your arse. Doesn't hurt that it's bloody adorable either.

#6: Hitmonchan
He's SUPPOSED to be Jackie Chan. But Hitmonchan doesn't buy into that. Instead he's decided to just be a boxer. That's right, this Pokémon is so badass that he's defied his very name and decided to just punch dudes in the face. Perhaps even harder than Batman can. Just think about that for a minute.

#5: Hitmonlee
Named after Bruce Lee. Kicks things. That and we can all agree that Bruce Lee is better than Jackie Chan, yes? Good. Because things'd get ugly if you disagreed with this headless freak.

#4: Sharpedo
You know why these reasons are getting smaller. Because the pictures speak for themselves. Observe: THIS POKÉMON IS A FUCKING TORPEDO AND A SHARK. AT THE SAME TIME!

#3: Muk


#2: Honchkrow
Honchkrow is the Godfather. A traditional gangster of a Pokémon, who'll make you offers you can't refuse, or you'll sleep with the fishes. Which, being a crow... He's probably eat. Along with your eyes. So you better recognise, respect and really pay attention to anything this crow does. Or you're in a world of hurt from the big don of the Pokéworld. If he extends his wing towards you, you BETTER take it.

#1: Tropius
Imagine you have your own Dinosaur. Yeah, big enough that you can ride it. Cool, right? Now also imagine that it's a tree, with big shady leaves to chill under, and healthy nutritious bananas growing from its neck. Awesome! AND HEALTHY! Now add in the fact that it can fly! AND THAT IT LOOKS LIKE THE MOST AWESOME THING IN THE WORLD AND THAT NOTHING CAN EVER BE BETTER! You've just imagine Tropius. Look at that son of a bitch. You can't beat that. You want to BE it. And moreso to OWN it. And why wouldn't you? It's just that damn cool. It's so cool that just looking at it makes you want to go high-five someone. Go on, go high five someone. I'll wait for you to come back... Done? Good. Because now you know. Tropius is more awesome than anything EVER.

1 comment:

  1. That would be neat owning a Tropius.