Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Thought Balloons: Update + Renee Montoya pg.2



Just your weekly update on the Thought Balloons front! It's been another week, another character and another lesson learnt for your stalwart hero of the land (what?). This week brought Rol Hirst's second character choice and boy, was it a doozy. John Constantine of Hellblazer fame, a character I barely know from adam, or at least from his awful Keanu Reeves counterpart (comparatively awful I mean). So in my usual fashion I etched out a nice story that respects the character and uses him for more than a panel. Barely. The story's title is pretty self-explanatory, so why not head over and read...

John Constantine - Archie Meets John Constantine


Now, this script had its problems, hence the lesson learnt. I went for a first page of a greater story, as I've tended to for... oh... the whole damn time on the site. The problem here being that not all first pages are chock-full of material. So I barely had the two characters used interact, nor had I actually done anything of any real note. So the lesson is DON'T ALWAYS DO A PAGE ONE. For one that can happen, but also we're supposed to grow from Thought Balloons, and that can't REALLY be done if all we're doing is learning how to write page one of a story (as others have clearly already realised with some brill scripts over time).

But enough of that. The title promises page 2 of Renee Montoya - Noir As Heck, and that's what you're getting. So enjoy, and give feedback if you have any. It's much appreciated.

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Page 2 - 7 Panels

1-- Lady In Red's face, looking the same as in the last panel, her hair stretching off to form the panel borders to the subsequent flashback panels.

SPEECH BUBBLE/LADY IN RED - It's my other side you see, she's just up to no good. I want her away from them and back to me before she does herself a mischief.


2-- The first of the flashback panels framed by LIR's hair. Contained within is a heavily tanned blonde woman (Woman In White), dressed in an all-white ensemble consisting of a white slip-on dress lined with golden stitching, a large white headband pulling her hair back, some white slip-on shoes and a small white handbag with a gold clasp. She is surrounded on both sides by neatly dressed men with stubbly beards. All three of them have martini glasses in hand, laughing to each other.

NARRATION/LADY IN RED - She's cavorting with some very unpleasant gentlemen...


3-- Same panel as before, in essence, except now the two men are lycanthropes, caressing Woman In White, with one of them running their long tongue down her neck and into her chest. Woman In White now has a sinister, crazed smile on her face.

NARRATION/LADY IN RED - ... Some real beastly sorts, disgusting wolves preying on anyone they see fit to.


4-- We've hit the end of the flashback now, so back to conventional panel frames. We're back in Renee's office, where Lady In Red is doing an extravagant and over-sexualised fainting motion across the desk. Renee is surprised, pushing herself up from the chair.

SPEECH BUBBLE/LADY IN RED - It's all just too much. Too... murroooh-


5-- Renee has caught Lady In Red before she hit the desk, holding her close. So close that Lady In Red's head (Her hat and sunglasses now slipped off from the fall) is in fact resting snugly in Renee's cleavage. I'm a monster, I know.


6-- We're now looking up close at Lady In Red, looking up at Renee while snuggling her head further into Renee's chest.

SPEECH BUBBLE/LADY IN RED - So may I have your help, Ms. Detective? I NEED it ever so much.


7-- Renee's face looking down at Lady In Red, turning completely red, some sweat on her forehead, and her trilby askew, mouth open in an attempt to form speech.

SPEECH BUBBLE/RENEE MONTOYA - Abwuhwha?




to be continued in 7 days time!

1 comment:

  1. A page a week, now you're really putting some scheduling pressure on yourself, I'm proud of you, boy. Can't wait to see what Ms Detective does with this case.

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