Thought Balloons: Update + Renee Montoya pg.4

Oh my GOD! I've been gone a significant portion of time and another Thought Balloons update has rolled around. you'd think I'd have multiple entries to make up for the time between posts but... No. No, I only have one script for you. A script where I killed a character because I'm just not a fan, essentially making me much like any given E-I-C. Whoop.


BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER - WHAT THE HELL IS MR. POINTY


As usual each script teaches me a valuable lesson, and this one is no exception. I've successfully learnt that if I don't like a character and don't think I can do anything with her flawed, unlikeable arse then frankly I shouldn't force myself to write something. Sure, people are hired all the time to write about characters they may not have a story for, but the basis of things being done through pitches kinda means that if you've got nothing or hate the character, you're not gonna get the job. It's as simple as that.

Also breaking necks Wonder Woman style is AWESOME.

Anyway, onto a character I DO like, to the degree that I took her elseworlds arse and caressed it fondly for what is now 4 out of 12 pages. This is a nice simple stylised wednesday comics style page, providing a simple clothing switch before I dive into the previously alluded to strip club.

... Yeah, so I'm just kind of a huge perv with this story but it's more for the style of the piece than anything. And a love letter to Frank Miller's scripting. So onto Noir As Heck page 4!

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Page 4 - 8 Panels

1-- A sillhouetted Renee Montoya is in front of an open cupboard in a dimly lit apartment. the contents of the cupboard are unclear, but on the top of it is a selection of trilbys. As she's currently preparing an outfit Renee is down to her underthings, consisting of incredibly girly, frilly and colourful panties and bra, both of which are fully visible on her silhouette. Also of important note is that if at all possible her hair should be fully outlined on her silhouette.

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - The Dark Bible has a strict dress code for its patrons, and an even stricter dress code for their employees. And seeing as I'm lacking the necessary fetishes to own my own uniform for that sordid place I'd better get suited and booted.


2-- A shot of Renee's legs as she pulls up some trousers onto her silhouette. The trousers are fully visible, being part of the traditional Question outfit.


3-- A shot of Renee's torso as she buttons a white shirt over her silhouette, tie hanging around the collar, untied.. Whether her bra is slightly visible underneath is purely a matter of whether you feel the colour would show up underneath a white shirt.


4-- Renee is tying her tie on her now done up shirt, with arrows or motion lines indicating her turning and tucking the tie around.


5-- Renee pulling the Question's trademark trilby onto her head, daintily keeping the angle perfect with both of her hands.


6-- Finally we have Renee with the Question's jacket on, doing that thing where you heft your shoulders and shake the collar (man, what is with that thing?). She is now suited. If you're in need of reference for this motion just ask me for some and I shall happily provide.

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - Suited...


7-- Renee is now sitting on the bed in this apartment, putting on some loafers.

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - ... AND booted.


8-- A full shot of Renee in her full Question gear (sans the mask, which shall not be seen in this story). She's neatly dressed for a night in her seedy location, with no make-up other than some considerably dark lipstick.

SPEECH BUBBLE/RENEE MONTOYA - Damn, I feel good.

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - It's a strict dress code, all right, but I'll be struck down if it isn't the best for someone as snappy as me. Read More ..

Thought Balloons: Update + Renee Montoya pg.3

Another week, another entry at Thought Balloons, and as such another update on the blog. This week brought about a character I know not nearly enough about, except that he's Daredevil and I own at least two books about him/his father. Which counts for knowledge, right?

Daredevil - His Worst Enemy

Again, this entry came with a lesson learnt. When trying to be clever with SFX, at least TRY to make them work. I did a little Thought Balloon based in-joke, that whilst a good idea, had a pretty lousy execution. So lesson learnt, sound effects will be thought about far more in the future.

And with that it's time for another page of my 12-page Wednesday Comics size epic! This entry is a bit text heavy, but that's the advantage of trying to utilise a grander space for each page, really. And even then, over-narration? Kinda a noir trope in its own way.

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RENEE MONTOYA - NOIR AS HECK

Page 3 - X Panels

1-- Renee Montoya is walking down a dark alleyway in the black of night. In front of her by some distance is an indistinct slumped shadow curled up against a wall, shapeless and slender.

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - So here I am, on another dark night in another dark alley, looking for some clues about these "Beastly Gentlemen". Hhh. Beasts, she said. I don't know anything about them, but I DO know about a Bat. Seems as good as any a place to begin.


2--Renee is now next to the slumped shadow, who we can now see looks like a withered shadow of Batman, in that the shadow clearly has something that looks like a cape and pointy bat ears. Renee is looking down at the shadow disdainfully, and grabbing a torch from her belt.

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - I don't even know why I'm doing this. The lady... THAT lady... Is clearly manipulating me somehow. I mean no broad talks like that, do they? To say nothing of what she was... Doing... That was... Where was I?


3-- Renee kicks the Bat-Shadow as hard as she possible can, the shadow's body crumpling around her foot.

SFX/KICK - KA-THWUMP

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - Oh yeah. I HATE The Bat.


4-- Renee has turned on the torch and is waving it at The Bat. The Bat is a crazy looking tramp with overlong canines, a long shawl that looks like a cape, and a mask made out of soggy cardboard. A mask that looks an awful lot like Batman's.

SFX/TORCH - KLIK

SPEECH BUBBLE/THE BAT - GAH! WHARRAYA WAN'?!

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - Crazed son of a bitch. Years ago his family were shot down in this very alley. Since then he's been stuck in a deranged state of mind, refusing to leave this godforsaken little alley. Still, he hears things. And if there's one thing a P.I. needs in a city like this it's someone with good ears. Even if he is The Bat. That Bat for Bat$#!t, obviously.


5-- Renee has grabbed The Bat by his shawl and pinned him to wall, leaning in, yelling in his face. She's shouting so hard that spit is flying from her mouth at The Bat.

SPEECH BUBBLE/RENEE MONTOYA - LISTEN! I want to know about some strange men. A group of them. Carouse with a Woman In White, a fake-tanned sort. Beasts, I'm told. DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING?!


6-- The Bat is now responding, horrible green clouds of rotten breath spewing forth from his mouth. He has maybe two teeth in total left in his mouth. Renee is leaning back, cringing, screwing up her face in an attempt to hold her breath.

SPEECH BUBBLE/THE BAT - Ya, I know about the beasties. They a... Uh... 'ligious people. Mus' be. Tha's why they go to... Urp... The Dark Bible! Now LEMME GO!

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - There has to be a better way than talking to this schmoe, I swear.


7-- Renee throws The Bat back to the ground.

SFX - THUDD

SPEECH BUBBLE/RENEE MONTOYA - Urgh... That'll do Bat. You go back to protecting "your world".

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - Still, I have a lead. The Dark Bible. It's not a religious place at all, you see. The Bat's confused. It's the most high-class strip joint around here. And it adds a new level of fear to my job. I'd better head straight there...


8-- Renee is now at one end of the alley, with the reader viewing from the other end. The Bat has curled back up against the wall, and Renee's silhouette is being violently sick onto the floor.

SFX/RENEE MONTOYA - HURRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGLE!!

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - Right after I've purged this whole experience from my body...



To be continued next week! Read More ..

Thought Balloons: Update + Renee Montoya pg.2

Just your weekly update on the Thought Balloons front! It's been another week, another character and another lesson learnt for your stalwart hero of the land (what?). This week brought Rol Hirst's second character choice and boy, was it a doozy. John Constantine of Hellblazer fame, a character I barely know from adam, or at least from his awful Keanu Reeves counterpart (comparatively awful I mean). So in my usual fashion I etched out a nice story that respects the character and uses him for more than a panel. Barely. The story's title is pretty self-explanatory, so why not head over and read...

John Constantine - Archie Meets John Constantine


Now, this script had its problems, hence the lesson learnt. I went for a first page of a greater story, as I've tended to for... oh... the whole damn time on the site. The problem here being that not all first pages are chock-full of material. So I barely had the two characters used interact, nor had I actually done anything of any real note. So the lesson is DON'T ALWAYS DO A PAGE ONE. For one that can happen, but also we're supposed to grow from Thought Balloons, and that can't REALLY be done if all we're doing is learning how to write page one of a story (as others have clearly already realised with some brill scripts over time).

But enough of that. The title promises page 2 of Renee Montoya - Noir As Heck, and that's what you're getting. So enjoy, and give feedback if you have any. It's much appreciated.

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Page 2 - 7 Panels

1-- Lady In Red's face, looking the same as in the last panel, her hair stretching off to form the panel borders to the subsequent flashback panels.

SPEECH BUBBLE/LADY IN RED - It's my other side you see, she's just up to no good. I want her away from them and back to me before she does herself a mischief.


2-- The first of the flashback panels framed by LIR's hair. Contained within is a heavily tanned blonde woman (Woman In White), dressed in an all-white ensemble consisting of a white slip-on dress lined with golden stitching, a large white headband pulling her hair back, some white slip-on shoes and a small white handbag with a gold clasp. She is surrounded on both sides by neatly dressed men with stubbly beards. All three of them have martini glasses in hand, laughing to each other.

NARRATION/LADY IN RED - She's cavorting with some very unpleasant gentlemen...


3-- Same panel as before, in essence, except now the two men are lycanthropes, caressing Woman In White, with one of them running their long tongue down her neck and into her chest. Woman In White now has a sinister, crazed smile on her face.

NARRATION/LADY IN RED - ... Some real beastly sorts, disgusting wolves preying on anyone they see fit to.


4-- We've hit the end of the flashback now, so back to conventional panel frames. We're back in Renee's office, where Lady In Red is doing an extravagant and over-sexualised fainting motion across the desk. Renee is surprised, pushing herself up from the chair.

SPEECH BUBBLE/LADY IN RED - It's all just too much. Too... murroooh-


5-- Renee has caught Lady In Red before she hit the desk, holding her close. So close that Lady In Red's head (Her hat and sunglasses now slipped off from the fall) is in fact resting snugly in Renee's cleavage. I'm a monster, I know.


6-- We're now looking up close at Lady In Red, looking up at Renee while snuggling her head further into Renee's chest.

SPEECH BUBBLE/LADY IN RED - So may I have your help, Ms. Detective? I NEED it ever so much.


7-- Renee's face looking down at Lady In Red, turning completely red, some sweat on her forehead, and her trilby askew, mouth open in an attempt to form speech.

SPEECH BUBBLE/RENEE MONTOYA - Abwuhwha?




to be continued in 7 days time! Read More ..

Thought Balloons: Updates, Jubilee Script + Renee Montoya pg.1!

I know, right? Halftone is awesome! The new Thought Balloons banner we've got was done by frequent contributor Danial, and by gosh darn heck have I been waiting to use it here!

*ahem* So remember that awesome writing project thing called Thought Balloons I plugged some couple of posts ago? Well it's been a long time since then and I've got a lot more entries to plug the hell out of, as well as the start of my snazzy bonus content feature over here!

For those who are fresh to the concept, Thought Balloons is Ryan Lindsay's baby, where a group of us get together week on week and write about a chosen comics character as an exercise in script skill-building. It's awesome, constructive and COMPLETELY open to viewer participation. If you're interested in being a part of it and writing about this week's character (Jubilee of Generation X and the 90s X-Men cartoon fame) then head on over to the Why Jubilee? post and stick your own script in the dooblydoo *ahem* I mean the comments.

Here's the scripts I've done since that last post:

Doctor Doom - Latveria's Street Magician

Superman - Related

Blonde Phantom - The Best Dressed Detective (in which I hate on myself unnecessarily)

Aquaman - It's A Pun, You Sea (in which I use Welsh effectively)

The Penguin - Are Penguins Furry? (in which... just don't)

The Punisher - Blood Simple

Gamora - Dojo of the Deadliest Woman

Renee Montoya - Noir As Heck

Jubilee - Who I Am Hates Who I'll Be


And now for the bonus content I've been touting. The first is a re-release of my Renee Montoya script on here, which will be followed for 11 subsequent weeks with the rest of the story. Because I'm not lying when I say that THAT, my Gamora script and my Punisher script are some of my best works I've ever done. Why 12 weeks of Renee Montoya? Because the pages are scripted with the page size of Wednesday Comics in mind and I want to do something of that sorta length with my crazy Elseworlds-style tale of stuff that is indeed Noir As Heck.

Renee Montoya - Noir As Heck

Page One - 7 Panels

1-- Renee (in a tank top, trilby, cargo shorts and sizeable boots) is sitting at a desk in a very cliché P.I.'s office, with her booted feet up on the desk. I'm talking the works, old style wood panelling in a sparse, cheap, small room, with basic lamps in some corners, and blinds on the windows. If you need any reference check just about any classic hard-boiled detective film made more than... let's say... 30 years ago. I'm not kidding, it's always the same. Heck, I think the detective's office in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" had that typical look. Anyway, the desk (and subsequently Renee) is facing the door, which is slightly ajar as a long leg draped in the lower parts of a glittering red dress is making its way through the gap. If the connected foot fits into the shot we should see some ruby-red stilettos with a very long (but not ridiculous) pointed heel.

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - I knew as soon as she entered my office that she was nothing but trouble. The kind of trouble that can never lead to anything good...


2-- The woman (who for the sake of scripting will be referred to as "Lady In Red"), a redhead with skin as white as ivory and made excessively tall and leggy by the aforementioned heels, has entered the office, leaning in a sultry pose against the doorframe, with one arm raised to her head, holding a wide-brimmed floppy red hat, with a large ribbon trailing off of it down her body. As for said body, it is covered by the previously alluded to long ruby-red sparkling dress, with a chest cut from the shoulders straight down to the navel. At that point there is another extravagant ribbon, that trails down to her heels. Her eyes are obscured by oval sunglasses with -what else- deep red lenses. Her lips are a bright red pout, alluring yet revealing nothing of her emotions. In the hand not leant against her head is a small (RED) handbag/purse dealio. A hell of a design job, but drop-dead gorgeous and *ahem* Noir As Heck.

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - Not that trouble has ever stopped women like these being worth every second in front of your eyes.


3-- We're now looking at Renee's face, trilby raised, surprised and ever-so slightly slack-jawed expression on her face.

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - I mean DAYUM!


4-- Renee is now leaning back in her chair again, trilby covering her eyes as she tries to maintain a blank expression. This, however, doesn't distract from the facts that her cheeks are now quite red.

SPEECH BUBBLE/RENEE MONTOYA - Dayum...


5-- We're now viewing Renee at her desk from the doorway, with the legs and arse of the Lady In Red in view as she struts sexily towards the desk.

SPEECH BUBBLE/LADY IN RED - Oh Ms. Detective, I've come to you with quite the dilemma, a real pulava, a what-to-do and a great big mess I need you for.


6-- Viewing the scene now from just over Renee's shoulder, the Lady In Red is now leaning over the desk towards Renee, back curved so that her rear is raised above the curve itself, thrusting her cleavage at Renee's face with no real subtlety, yet still maintaining a pose by pushing her breasts together with her arms, which themselves are pushed against the desk.

SPEECH BUBBLE/RENEE MONTOYA - Whuff. A problem, you're saying? Well I'm the right person for the job, toots. And it's Renee, by the way.


7-- A close-up of the Lady In Red's face, wherein she is perching her sunglasses on the edge of her nose, looking up through her carefully shaped eyebrows at Renee with -again, what else- red irises. She is now slyly grinning.

SPEECH BUBBLE/LADY IN RED - Oh wonderful, I'd hoped ever so much that you'd be just the person I was looking for. Let me tell you about what's causing such a stir in me, making me all a-twitter, all flustered and bothered...

NARRATION/RENEE MONTOYA - Some Dames are worth all the trouble in the world and this one... Well, she could cause three world's worth of trouble and I'd still be putty in her hands.

The second item is behind this jump, and is a SECOND Jubilee script focused more on the character at her best than the soapbox moaning about what she's become that I did for the Thought Balloons entry.

SO HIT THE JUMP TO READ JUBES LIGHTING UP THE SKY!


Jubilee - The First Fourth of July - Max Barnard

Page 1 - 7 Panels

1-- Jubilee is standing against a night sky, stretching and cracking her fingers in front of her. She's dimly illuminated by a light source somewhere in front of her (Chamber/Jono Starsmore), showing her in her classic yellow jacket grinning widely.

TEXT BOX/NARRATION - July 4th 1994

SPEECH BUBBLE/JUBILATION LEE - 'kay... You guys ready to be blown away?


2-- We've now pulled back to show the rest of the Generation X crew (Penance, Husk, Chamber, Synch, Skin, M) sitting in front of her (by a fair few metres? I mean you shouldn't be near fireworks when they're lit, yes?). All are sat legs crossed, though Penance has her hands to her face in fear and Husk has a fist raised in the air. The light source used earlier is now clearly Chamber's chest energy stuff, illuminating the students in what is essentially just an open field. Nothing else is visible.

SPEECH BUBBLE/M - Get on with it.

SPEECH BUBBLE/Husk - WOO! DO IT GIRL!

SPEECH BUBBLE/Chamber - ... You guys know I don't sodding care about the fourth of July, right? I mean it's celebrating you Yanks beating the UK and all that.


3-- Jubilee has raised her hands to the sky, ready to use her powers. Penance has lowered her hands and leant forwards expectantly and Husk has lowered her arm.

SPEECH BUBBLE/JUBILATION LEE - OKAY, OKAY! Prepare for spectacular awesomeness unlike any awesome you've ever been awesomed by before! Time to bring the FIREWORKS!


4-- Some meagre little lights spurt from Jubilee's fingers. Penance has jumped up, cowering and peeking through her fingers at Jubilee.

SFX/JUBILEE'S FINGERS - fzztleflit--


5-- Jubilee is now sad, shoulders slumped in defeat. Penance is dashing off panel. The other students are all laughing.

SPEECH BUBBLE/STUDENTS - AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

SPEECH BUBBLE/JUBILATION LEE - *sigh*


6-- On one side of the panel Synch has gotten up, with his arm round Jubilee's shoulder. Jubilee is looking at him with a faint smile on her face. On the other side of the panel the other students are either playing with sparklers (Skin, Husk, a VERY cautious Penance) or sitting down watching the others play (M, Chamber). The three sparkler users have "G" "-" and "X" from left to right. Because that's just how they roll.

SPEECH BUBBLE/SYNCH - Hey, don't worry about it. Just do it again next year when you've learnt to better use your powers.

SPEECH BUBBLE/JUBILATION LEE - ... Yeah. And every year I'll make it an even better show for everyone. Thanks for cheering me up Ev, you're a good buddy.

SPEECH BUBBLE/SYNCH - No problem. Things can only get better for us, I'm sure of it.


7-- Close-up of Synch and Jubilee, both looking at the reader suspiciously.

SPEECH BUBBLE/SYNCH - ... Right?

TEXT BOX/NARRATION - The End.
Read More ..

Thoughtballoons (Or: a cool thing I regularly do)

So yeah I do this thing called Thoughtballoons, which is basically the writer version of Comic Twart. Each week we write a one page story about a chosen character, and leave it out there for public criticism and such. So far we're about three characters in, and I've actually managed to update EVERY WEEK!

DUN DUN DUN!

Yeah, I know! So I encourage you to hop over there and look at my stuff, and while you're at it, EVERYONE'S STUFF. It's a fun project, open to all comers to participate in, and it's a chance to see how comic scripts CAN (but in my case probably shouldn't) look.

MY ENTRIES SO FAR:

IRON MAN - STARK NAKED

MOLECULE MAN - MOLECULE FAN

MEPHISTO - AMBROSE BURNSIDE Read More ..