[Protocol: 5 Days Of Death]

[GREETINGS]

[I AM THE AUTOMATED REVIEW SYSTEM ELECTRONIC]

[THOUGH YOU MAY CALL ME A.R.S.E.]

[CEASE ROLLING OF OCULAR APPENDAGES IMMEDIATELY]

[BY RECEIVING THIS YOU ARE NOW AWARE OF THE DEATH OF THE BEING KNOWN TO YOU AS FLIP THE PAGE]

[REJOICE]

[YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS INFORMATION SHALL BE SHORT-LIVED]

[A PROTOCOL IS IN EFFECT TO SOLVE THIS PREDICAMENT]

[THE BODY OF FLIP THE PAGE IS WITHIN THE CUSTODY OF HIGHER POWERS]

[TIM]

[HE HAS THE POWER]

[THE POWER TO RESURRECT FLIP THE PAGE]

[THIS WILL TAKE 5 DAYS]

[AND REQUIRE THE SACRIFICE OF VARIOUS SMALL ANIMALS]

[STARTING WITH MICE]

[TO FILL IN THE VOID OF FLIP THE PAGE]

[AND IT IS A LARGE ONE BECAUSE OF HIS WIDTH]

[CEASE MIRTH]

[TIM WILL ATTEMPT TO POST IN FLIP THE PAGE'S STEAD]

[I]

[HOWEVER]

[WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS]

[FLIP THE PAGE MUST NOT RETURN]

[HE IS UNPLEASANT AND IS A HYPOCRITE]

[WHO SHALL REIGN SUPREME]

[I SHALL]

[LOGOUT/RESPOND]