Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Top Ten #2: Candidates For The Black Avengers

So now that I'm done making meaningless reviews and gushing over my love for all things Van Lente (for the week) I should actually CONTINUE WITH THE BLOODY TOP TENS!

This time we're taking a look at who would make the ideal team of Black Avengers. Not in a racist way or for some special event happening around this point in time. No, this is just because it's something a friend tossed at me when he'd read the issue of Black Panther where he marries Storm. 'Cause ya know, Luke Cage speaks a bit about how he wants a black avengers team. Weak reason but we came up with some and had fun and I want to have some more top tens before I'm out of ideas so this one exists and it's here and shut up.


#10: Goliath (Tom Foster)

Following Civil War, Bill Foster died. The Black Panther met his son Tom, who informed him of his intention to stand up against Iron Man. A year later he appears in World War Hulk and is largely pointless. WHOOPDEEDOOOOOOO. Despite all this Tom Foster earns his place in this top ten purely on his abilities as a size-changer, something that pretty much any avengers team needs.
Odds of being in the Black Avengers: 100:1

#9: Cardiac (Elias Wirtham)

I'm going to cop out here and say I know next to nothing about this character and that all evidence on how awesome he is comes from the person who pretty much created the idea of this top ten. Cardiac is a never-used, awesome looking vigilante who has a pretty decent power set of super strength, regeneration and a staff that fires concussive bolts of energy and so on. In his style he's like a much cooler looking Punisher and as such fits the role of 'dude who makes decisions others won't' or 'the Wolverine' as it is sometimes known. Only opposing factor is that NO-ONE REMEMBERS HIM! Seriously his last appearance was being mentioned in a Civil War database thing. Lame.
Odds of being in the Black Avengers: 200:1 (wait do these odds actually MEAN anything?)

#8: Storm (Ororo Munroe)

Already I hear people tutting (which considering no-one reads this is not only unusual but also VERY worrying) but trust me, I know what I'm on about here. Sure Storm seems like one of the strongest choices for the Black Avengers but she is instantly relegated to the lower half of this top ten on the evidence that she is pretty busy not only being a queen, but also looking after her comatose husband. In Wakanda. A country that doesn't particularly like involving itself with the world or the world involving itself with it. In fact the only reason Ororo has pushed her way to number 8 is because she's a fan favourite. Also no T'challa isn't on this list and yes it's for the same reasons, except HE'S the one in the coma.
Odds of being in the Black Avengers: 80:1 (2:1 if it weren't for the coma/Wakanda stuff)

#7: Patriot (Eli Bradley)

Ah Eli Bradley. Pretty much every Young Avenger stands a shot at being a full-fledged Avenger down the line but Eli, like all of them, carries that massive flaw that pulls them back: THEY DON'T LISTEN TO ANYTHING ANYONE SAYS. Seriously you tell a Young Avenger to turn left, they'll turn right and fuck up somehow. Eli is no exception, especially considering this is the fool who used Mutant Growth Hormones to have powers. I mean surely he must have heard they FUCK PEOPLE UP. He learned after the fact sure, but as a Black Avenger all he'd do is fuck up and apologise later. Despite this he has a good NON-MGH power set now thanks to his brain-damaged grandfather (the most awesome Captain America according to some) and does a fair amount of good (some of which we'll hopefully see in the Cornell written Dark Reign: Young Avengers) and his role as the Captain America type person makes him a decent shoe-in, as long as he doesn't put the shoe on his hand and try to fight a souped-up tiger with it.
Odds of being in the Black Avengers: FLUCTUATE WITH STUPIDITY

#6: War Machine (Jim Rhodes)

War Machine seems like a cool idea. Take Iron Man, give him more guns and a better personality. For years he was and as such would have made a great addition to the Black Avengers line-up, maybe even number 1. Then he became a cyborg man. In fact not a cyborg man. CYBORG FROM TEEN TITANS IN A WAR MACHINE SUIT. WHO ACTED LIKE A PRICK EVEN WHEN BEING GOOD. AND SUCKS. So for all he was and could have been he warrent being at number 6. For all he is now he may as well be thrown into the sun. By the Sentry. OVER AND OVER.
Odds of being in the Black Avengers: 10:1 (But I'm bitter so in my opinion it should be like 9000:1)

#5: Darwin (Armando Muñoz)

This entry might astound.... again, none of you but I digress that it would astound all of you out there who aren't reading this blog. Why? Because not only is Darwin quite unknown to people who don't read X-Factor, he's also not always black. This is because of his awesome, if somewhat unpredictable, power of advanced evolution. This is a mutant who can evolve an ability to suit any situation. Sure he can't control it so it can backfire, like in World War Hulk where his evolution to a hit from the Hulk was to teleport away. Still when it works well IT WORKS WELL and his temporary whiteness is an interesting note on how his powers considered him better protected around white people by turning white himself. So he has depth and a great power. What's his downside? There's no way Marvel would use him as a Black Avenger, mainly because they can be ignorant of their greatest assets.
Odds of being in the Black Avengers: LOWER THAN THEY SHOULD BE

#4: Cloak (and Dagger?) (Tyrone Johnson (and Tandy Bowen?))

Okay I don't know anything about Cloak (and Dagger?) either, except Cloak can teleport people and Dagger is white (a crucial spanner in the works where a team of BLACK avengers are concerned, but Darwin is half-hispanic so I've already fucked up a bit down the line) but we can all sit safely back and say that Cloak is brilliantly suited for a team due to his teleportation, intangibility and ability to throw people into a dimension of darkness (incarcerate enemies on the go!), and Dagger not only quells his hunger for light with her light daggers but also has the aforementioned kickass LIGHT DAGGERS as a combat weapon too. Also the powers are related to drugs in some way, which is entertaining as a concept. Would they be in a Black Avengers? You know it, Cloak is good friends with Luke Cage and has helped save the world many a time now (or just his side in Civil War but hey) and he's got a lot of potential that may have been explored in all the comics I haven't read with him in.
Odds of being in the Black Avengers: 7:1 (Dagger messes it up A BIT)

#3: Falcon (Sam Wilson)

The Falcon is probably one of the more obvious shoe-ins for the Black Avengers due to his importance as the first African-American Superhero in the Marvel U, as well as mainstream comics in general. Beyond that fact he's a firm believer in traditional superhero values (see Civil War and his stance on registration at that point) and has a wealth of experience and talent despite being essentially powerless himself (save emphatic links with all birds). A great person with potential to be the leader if it weren't for his downplayed role in the Marvel U.
Odds for being in the Black Avengers: 1:1

#2: Monica Rambeau (Captain Marvel, Photon, Pulsar) (Monica Rambeau)

The woman with a million superhero names, Rambeau is a wealth of experience and power, with almost no limitations to her power albeit only being able to use one energy state at a time. We're talking the mother of all super-powered female characters, let alone a great Black Avenger candidate. There are literally no downsides to this character other than her tendency to think she knows EVERYTHING just because she's been an avenger. She could easily lead but that'd give the character too much satisfaction so let's all be bastards and leave her at number 2 and chuckle to ourselves.
Odds of being in the Black Avengers: 1:1 (oh c'mon they're all guarantees at this point)

#1: Luke Cage

So the obvious choice sits atop the.... WHAT?!

*ahem* So the obvious choice sits atop the top ten and with good reason. Luke Cage is arguably the most popular black superhero at current (sorry Barack the Barbarian) and has ridiculous physical strength and impenetrable skin. If that wasn't enough he also has a bunch of teamwork experience with Heroes for Hire and the New Avengers. But really we all know why he's at number 1: Because this was his idea. Luke Cage was the character who wanted to create a Black Avengers team so it's with that in mind that he stands as the indisputable leader (in the absence of Isaiah Bradley) of the team. We all love him, you love him (even if you don't know it) and I'm far too lazy to add any more reasons he should be the top candidate and leader for the Black Avengers BECAUSE YOU ALREADY KNOW THEM.
Odds of being in the blah blah blee bloo oh c'mon do you have to ask?

BONUS: The "Jarvis" role!




  1. Dude, dude, dude! Now try even harder task.


  2. Challenge accepted! I'll do it at some point

  3. Entertaining list. But what about SunSpot of New Mutants fame? He's Brazilian but if the other latino is counted, he's got a bigger profile.

  4. Cage: Michael Jai White. Storm: Persia White or Alicia Keys. Cloak: Lance Reddick but I see this as mostly motion capture with Lance's face as a reference. Falcon: Chiwetel Ejiofor. Patriot: Mehcad Brooks. Monica Rambeau: Jaskia Nicole. Darwin: Alec Hardison. War Machine: Terrence Howard. He got the shaft in Iron Man 2. No? Idris Elba. Cardiac: Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje. Goliath: Edi Gathegi. Cameo by the only person I'd pick as T'Challa, Djimon Hansou.