Quick-Fire Reviews #2: week of 24th June + more + UNACCEPTABLY LATE

This week has been an exciting one by any means, with other writers joining my blog and providing quality material, something that was well timed as I screamed and stropped my way through the blog's various html editing things praying that ANYTHING WOULD WORK RIGHT.

Why am I telling you this? In the hope you understand why reviews for comics that came out wednesday (and earlier) are only being reviewed now. ON SUNDAY.

I hand my head in shame before you. Then lift it again because typing is a bitch if you're just staring at your goolies.

READ THE BLOODY REVIEWS AND FORGIVE MEEEEEEEE!

Uncanny X-Men First Class Giant-Size one shot by Jeff Parker, Scott Gray, Roger Langridge, So On, So Forth

In Short: I've been waiting to get to this for a while, if only because the editor of Panini's Essential X-Men (UK thing like AstonSpid) is one of the writers here and will in fact be the writer of the upcoming full series of Uncanny First Class comics. The basic content is a variety of stories explaining the pasts of the Uncanny team, all 100% true. Even that stuff about Wolverine being a secret agent from an agency called S.N.I.K.T.. Especially THAT one. Art is pretty solid throughout in a nice cartoony way, though Nightcrawler's back story could do with being prettier. Downside to it all is that you can buy this $3.99 giant comic and read it, then realise it all doesn't really matter in the slightest.
In Shorter: Doesn't Really Matter In The Slightest.



Red Robin #1 by Christ Yost and Ramon Bachs

In Short: Artistically pleasing appears to be the key term for anything I read from DC in my ongoing quest to read their stuff. Red Robin succeeds in taking a character I know NOTHING about (Tim Drake) and making him feel familiar and emotive with ease, something I put down to the quality writing displaying a strange level of depth to his denial-filled stage of grief over Bruce Wayne's death. I'll probably keep up with this one, which could grow to be better than Morrison's Batman & Robin. Maybe.]
In Shorter: Must Read!



Dark Avengers #6 by Brian Michael Bendis and Mike Deodato

In Short: Having learnt that he can't write Marvel Boy for shit the character goes missing this issue, and I'm far more inclined to be pleasant to the issue for it. Still this doesn't distract from the fact that there are only two attractions for the series at this point; Norman Osborn and The Sentry. Both are the best characterised (i.e. don't have Bendis voice, wherein everyone sounds the fucking same) and manage to capture the whole reason the Dark Avengers would have any appeal in the long run. Art Wise it's still just Thunderbolts Ellis-era with a new title so there's nothing I can say other than I've seen it all before.
In Shorter: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH Go On Then...



Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men: Utopia one shot by Matt Fraction and Marc Silvestri

In Short: EVENT COMICS TIME! Ugh, with the end of Messiah War I was really hoping we'd get a break from these crossover events, especially ones involving mutants. I just want to curl up and hope it disappears... Wait, you say this is by MATT FRACTION?! A GOOD WRITER? GOOD GOD SIGN ME UP BITCHES!
In Shorter: Read it, 'cause FRACTION!
(Note: WHY IS VENOM VENOM AND NOT SINISTER SPIDER-MAN?!)





Amazing Spider-Man #598 by Joe Kelly, Paulo Siqueira and Marco Checchetto

In Short: I haven't been reading American Son so far, but felt like picking it up just to make up for my lateness here, so my thoughts might be somewhat impeded by my lack of knowledge. In fact fuck that, I'll save on reviewing it just by stating the awful part and being pissed off. NORMAN IS THE FATHER OF LILY'S CHILD! WE WENT OVER THIS SHIT WITH GWEN STACY'S KIDS, WHY DO IT AGAIN YOU STUPID FUCKERS! IT WASN'T EVEN GOOD THE FIRST TIME!
In Shorter: FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
(Note: okay okay, Harry WAS awesome this issue, I'll give you all that)


Dark Reign: Lethal Legion #1 (of 3) by Frank Tieri and Mateus Santouluco

In Short: Villains being heroes in a strange twisted way? This comic reminds me of why I miss how Thunerbolts used to be. Kinda. It's not quite like that, but it's close enough to be AWESOME. Between the funky art and solid writing it's a sure read. The main pull though? WONDER. MAN. Missed that guy. Sure we only get one page of him if that but the next two issues should make up for such a thing.
In Shorter: Potential. Pick it up just in case.





Dark Reign: The Hood #2 (of 5) by Jeff Parker and Kyle Hotz

In Short: I had some mixed feelings about this when it was announced. First up Bendis has RAPED Parker Robbins viciously with the stick of mischaracterisation in New Avengers. Then you have to consider that this very same week that The Hood has been depowered by Doctor Voodoo (BRUDDA VOODOOOOOOO). There is no feasible way this mini should turn out to be anything other than pointless shit. But then it's drawn by Hotz, who masterfully handled the original Hood MAX series. Oh and written by Jeff Parker, but that isn't relevant to my point here other than he's managed to write Robbins LIKE HE ACTUALLY SHOULD BE! It's a return to form for the character and right up there with Van Lente's Dark Reign Miniseries on my scale of LURRRRRVE.
In Shorter: BUY IT. LOVE IT. HAVE BABIES WITH IT.


Dark Reign: Zodiac #1 (of 3) by Joe Casey and Nathan Fox

In Short: Have you noticed I have trouble being mean to the comics I review here? That's because new series have this horrible habit of being awesome. So I turned at Zodiac hoping it'd be a stinking shit stain on the face of Dark Reign with a cheap Joker rip-off. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOO it just HAD to be AWESOME. This is a genuinely anarchic comic, one that makes you surprised it's actually a Marvel comic. Everything about it is crazy, especially the almost-a-Joker-rip-off Zodiac himself. Not to give too much away (though it's sunday, you should have all got it by now) The things Zodiac achieves before his big reveal at the end are amazing. In fact scratch that, the REVEAL is the craziest and most awesome moment of the comic for me. I don't know why. Oh and it has a clown.
In Shorter: Buy It... Then Chastise Me For Being Too Much Of A Nice Critic.


New Avengers #54 by Brian Michael Bendis and Billy Tan

In Short: BRUDDA VOODOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ah mischaracterisation. Bendis looked to have messed up Brother Voodoo entirely last issue but has backtracked like a motherfucker to fix it here it seems. The issue was largely pointless save some awesome magic character interaction (which in turn was spoiled by Brudda Voodoooooo hitting Dormammu with HIS STICK) and hinting at some magic themed event that could one day happen. Also my main gripe is Bendis ignores the Hood's activities elsewhere and just straight up takes away his power and everything. The upside is Loki offering a solution to Hood's woes.
In Shorter: BRUDDA VOODOOOOOOOOOOOO DOES NOT APPROVE


Thunderbolts #133 by Andy Diggle and Miguel Sepulveda

In Short: WHY DOES BLACK WIDOW II LOOK LIKE A MAN NOW? WHY IS SHE WORKING FOR NICK FURY?! WHY DOESN'T THE GHOST EVER WASH? WHY AM I IN CAPS LOCK?! WHY IS ANT-MAN THE HIGHLIGHT FOR THIS ISSUE! WHY IS PALADIN SUDDENLY COOL?! Wait those last two are genuine plus sides to the issue...
In Shorter: Check It Out. Just Cringe At The Man-Widow







Uncanny X-Men #512 by NOT GREG LAND

In Short: GREG LAND IS OFF ART REJOICE! A great issue with great content and NO GREG LAND. I can rest easy loving the X-men again. Well, until the next fuck up. Oh yeah the crossover event enters Uncanny next issue.... Ugh... Sad fact is I'll probably enjoy it. Oh yeah big shout out to the 80s variant. Storm and Psylocke are unusually attractive... Shut up, I think so!
In Shorter: No Greg Land, SO BUY IT!





William Shatner Presents Tek War Chronicles #1 by William Shatner And Who Cares Who Else

In Short: Couldn't get into it but Shatner is a surprisingly competent writer (we can probably attribute that to his co-writer however). Honestly I can't see you coming away disappointed by this, just try to concentrate more than I did. Sure it's unprofessional but it's REALLY HARD to give a shit about reading a comic written by an old actor dude... Even if it is good.
In Shorter: Go On, Just 'Cause You Love Shatner




So that is that. I'm really tired now. Lazy Sunday up in a minute.