Flip The Page Text Review: DOUBLE FEATURE (Justice League: Cry for Justice #01 & Uncanny X-men #513

Apparently I'm far too conflicted to decide what comic to give the spotlight review this week so you lucky people are getting TWO overly long unfunny reviews. Rejoice, then moan that I still haven't done the new mutants video.

Uncanny X-men is probably the better of the two this week, but then it's been a pretty weak week outside of Agents of Atlas and Batman & Robin (I'll get to those in the quick-fire reviews, simply because I don't have much to say on them).

SO HIT THE JUMP AND GET BORED MOTHERLICKERS!

JUSTICE! League: Cry For Justice #01 (of 7) by James Robinson and Mauro Cascioli

This is both not very good and pretty interesting at the same time. Apparently JUSTICE!!!!!!! League: Cry For Justice was supposed to exist a fair while ago, something that shows in it kinda following on from Bruce Wayne and Martian Manhunter's deaths. Even with that in mind I feel the need to send a message out to DC: WE GET IT ALREADY THEY'RE DEAD NO-ONE CARES!

Moving on. The art for this comic isn't bad. No, it's more like.... A whole bunch of still pictures of characters given speech bubbles. Oh and it's overly scratchy. But screw all that is has Batwoman on one of the covers so if I can't forgive the comic's art I'd be an inhuman monster (and not one of the cool ones like Lockjaw). So the salt is taken and I resist the urge to give up and go read something else, like a GOOD comic.

The comic basically spends the opening scene having Hal Jordan berate and attack the Justice League's now-skewed view on justice, wherein they only work as reactionaries, and not in any way like a true superhero unit should work. After Superman basically tries to hand out some of his much loved superdickery Hal leaves with the still-needs-to-shave-to-stop-being-lame Green Arrow (who manages to appear in a completely white panel at one point with Black Canary that breaks flow like a bitch). That EXACT point is where all interest leaves me and the word JUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! takes over.

Atom stuff blah blah blah JUSTICE!

Mikaal Tomas blah blah blah blah JUSTIIIIIIICE! In fact I don't even know who he is...

CONGO BILL WANTS JUSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No I don't know who HE is either but fuck it it's a monkey who cares?

That's it. That's the rest of the issue. Oh, except some sorta notes/information thing and a tiny origin for Congo Bill (which contributes nothing outside of the possibility of the MONKEY CORPS. Like to see Sinestro take THOSE guys on!).

FINAL VERDICT: Avoid This Comic Or Face JUSTICE! JUSTICE! JUUUUUSSSSTIIIIIIIICEEEEE!



Uncanny X-Men #513 by Matt Fraction and Terry Dodson

Ah Uncanny X-Men! Last week you pleased the hell out of me by a) having nothing to do with Greg Land and his soul crushing porn artwork and b) being a great one-shot story featuring Beast (one of my favourite mutants). So what joy do you have for me this week? Chapter 2 in a crossover with Dark Avengers.

... Shit.

All hope is not lost however. This is Matt Fraction we're talking about here, the writer of such joys as Punisher War Journal and Immortal Iron Fist! If anyone could pull off a crossover (let alone an X-Crossover, a concept tarnished by Messiah War) surely he'd be the one to do it, right?

RIGHT!

Fraction pulls out some stops here that please me on so many levels. The first is to not only feature a teensy bit on what's going on with Beast following the Utopia one-shot but we also get to see DARK BEAST again! I LOVE Dark Beast. Bearded, Eager-to-please Mimic! YEAH! Cloak!.... EH. Dagger! Unreasonably cute... Like seriously. Dodson's drawn her far too well. Weapon Omega! Just as unhinged as I want him and with something more to come with him later on. Daken! I don't know ANYTHING about Daken. I should read Dark Wolverine at some point. Namor... Is in too many places at once lately. Xavi-oh. Mystique..... Woo?

By the way if you didn't see the whole not-really-Xavier thing coming then shame on you. The only surprise here is that it's Mystique, someone I didn't want to see again.

Still, as with Justice League this week, the awesome runs dry before the end. I don't appear to know ENOUGH about the X-Men any more as Trask's weird controlling people thing is new and stupid to me. This combined with Hellion providing the boring inaugural brawl for the Dark X-Men makes for a pretty pathetic end to the issue. On some level I blame this on Cyclops not even reacting to Emma's X-Men announcement, on another I blame it on crossovers feeling like they HAVE to drag things out and reduce the awesomeness between each issue as a result.

Mostly I blame me expecting so much more from Uncanny. I should know better.

FINAL VERDICT: MUST BUY (if you've got the one-shot or know what the fuck's going on or actually care about what's going on.... Hold on...)

RETHOUGHT FINAL VERDICT: WHATEVER!



So there we go. Quick-Fire Reviews and New Mutants #098 SHOULD be out before Sunday.