Saturday, 25 July 2009

Flip The Page Text Review: AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #600 by Various PART 1

Woo, ok everyone, it's the one you've probably not been waiting for! Astonishing Spider-Man #60!
*Tim beats me viciously with a golf club for repeating a joke*
Wurgh, 'k ev'rywun, ish tha one you'f prob'ly been wai'ing for! 'mazhing Shpudder-Monn nummer shix hunnerd!


*passes out*


Okay that didn't go well, let's begin again. Amazing Spider-Man #600 by.... a lot of people. Fuck this is huge. Let's divide it up!

FIRST STORY: LAST LEGS by Dan Slott and John Romita Jr.

Before I start I'll say this: 14 flippin' moments. The story is 60 pages long... This causes me pain to post through, especially considering the time it takes to upload images lately. This is livable this time, but with part 2 dealing with ALL the other stories I MIGHT have to skip some picture and just link to a gallery where I'll upload them en masse ('cause photobucket can upload okay for some reason but blogspot isn't liking me). With that in mind let's review this first story!

Again before the meat of the moments I'm going to address the writing and art. The writing is Dan Slott, which of course means I love it and won't hear a word against it. He is a champion of dialogue and understands how characters interact perfectly. Though I say that it's kinda iffy how Spidey interacts with the avengers. Not to say it's not awesome, it's hilarious and I'll point out why when I get to the relevant flippin' moments. Still something's up. The art is John Romita Jr. and if you don't know what quality comes with that name then you clearly are a newcomer to comics, don't know your arse from your elbow, or are a cunt. Just saying is all.

Yeah that'll kinda cover it, let's talk FLIPPIN' (and downsides after that)!

1. Doc Ock's Beatings Record
As with last week's review, it only takes two pages for there to be a double page spread that grabs you by the balls and RIPS THEM OFF... IN A GOOD WAY... No that's just weird. Anyway, a great recap of some of Doc Ock's weakest moments. Looks cool AND reminds you he should be dead by now. For those factors it holds its own as a great flippin' moment.

2. NEW Doc Ock Tease: 8 Tentacles?!
Pretty straightforward. You see a Doc Ock with a weird face and 8 tentacles you stop and go "HOLYYYYYYYYY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!".

3. "It's Finally Happening.."
Three panels without people or some similar thing in? Really? Just environments going mental? This stands out just for that, but it's what you see when you read the text boxes. The statement alone is brilliant and another example of how Slott can perfectly write characters. Spidey's pensive/cynical/humourous tendencies all in one package. Flippin' moment and no mistake.

4. The Avengers Are Dicks

Fairly funny stuff with the New Avengers that becomes a flippin' moment purely because it's colourful, stimulating, and features the New Avengers basically treating Spidey like a dick and a nuisance. Good stuff.

5. Actual Doc Ock Reveal
Oh.... FUCK. Is this good or bad? Either way... Wha?! Just.... Wow.

6. Go On, Antagonise The Crazy Tentacled Man
Because the first thing you do when you see the fucked up new look of the man who's taken over Manhattan with crazy little bugs is MAKE JOKES ABOUT HIM. Spidey is a moron. Bit of a dick too if he realised the man is paralysed or dying at this point. I don't know which. Still, funny and grabs ya. So it's a flippin' moment. Just a really weird one.

7. Tears Of An Octopus
Beautiful art, pathetic moment of a broken man. You win on both counts. I'm sure you've noticed these points about them are all very small but most moments speak for themself. And I'm tired. Shut up.

8. Oh Yeah Uncle Ben Forgot About Him
In all seriousness a lovely moment of acknowledgement that on some level good ole' Uncle Ben approves of the forthcoming Holy Matrimony. Touching and far FAR better than the small story that appears later in the issue dealing with him. Wait, is this an issue where Peter Parker doesn't grieve over Gwen or Ben? FUCKIN' HELL (though these have been less present come Brand New Day)!!

9. Johnny Storm Is Also A Dick
Just prior to setting his friend on fire Johnny Storm has plucked Spidey's date for Aunt May's wedding (we don't learn this till later). Sure the whole setting him on fire was to get some weird little octobots off of him but still WHAT A KNOB. That aside (why do I keep putting things aside?) this is funny and the full page stands out for the same reasons a flame-based page stood out in New Mutants #3: FIRE!

10. Mmmmmmmm Cheesecake
There's a great myth in comics; that for our fanservice we want a ridiculously plastic person, a la Megan Fox (ugh just the name makes me vomit blood Red Lantern style). This is REALLY FALSE. LIKE HELLA FALSE. What the general comic fan wants is someone who is very hot, yes, but in a way that's almost alternative. Not plastic, human. The sort of babe you wouldn't go "OOH CHECK OUT HER TITS! I'M MANLY 'CAUSE THIS IS WHAT I POINT OUT!" or some such thing about. The sort of smokin' hot and down to earth person that you'd want to be around them, live with them, have them forever.

And so we come to Michele Gonzales. DAYUM! I mean Slott REALLY understands what people want. The easiest way of proving this on a single page apparently is just to have the cheesecake wear nowt but a sports shirt. It's a classically attractive image without having to pander to some sorta skanky modern view on what's hot.... Oh yeah this is just a drawing, so don't get me wrong, this is more a representation of everything people want. Or should want I shouldn't vouch for everybody.

Oh and another reason she's awesome (aside from the bonus of being drawn by JRJR, which ups the awesomeness of anything by 90%) is she's the sort of witty straightforward person who could rock anyone's socks off. Proof:

Okay it's just a single line thrown in with impeccable timing but isn't that what you'd want from a ladyfriend?

... I'm gonna shut up now (for once).


11. Touching Moments FTW? (shut up these titles are hard at 1am)
If I give Brand New Day anything other than a huge stiffy for Mr. Negative (oh wait that's me... awkward), it's that you get a lot more touching moments between Peter and his Aunt May. This is no exception, genuinely tugging at some sort of thing in my chest that may resemble a heart string. Unlike Mr. Negative it doesn't give me a stiffy that'd be weird... Wait isn't that weird too?

12. Dear Friends And Family...
I really should give more props to JRJR's art. It's truly one of the best examples of how comics should look in the business and this page is a perfect example of why. Sure he can do all that fighting and posing stuff, but when all you need is a solid moment of simplicity that has to look enchanting and beautiful he can pull that shit out of his hat with no difficulty. Helps that we get some basic humour from Dan Slott too.

13. The Amazing(ly Money-Grabbing) Spider-Man?!
So what do YOU do when your Step-Brother is Mayor? That's right, try and get money out of him. Sure Petey's just joking but it's so funny who cares! I wish he WAS serious! (also I know he's not ACTUALLY a Step-Brother, more a Step-Cousin but fuck it Pete considers May his Mother in a lot of ways)

14. Apparently this is a moment
Turn up at the last second to your ex's Aunt's wedding as a plus 1 to your Mother. Yeah, that's not being a bitch or anything. Oh and catching the Bouquet? A better character should have caught that (Michele obviously). Fuck you MJ, you're not Petey's wife anymore, I don't have to see your good side. Still it's a solid cliffhanger for people who DO care, so here it is as a flippin' moment.

Okay that's it, part 2 tomorrow.




Um... I don't really know what counts as a downside in a Spidey comic. It has very few flaws in this, the first story in the comic. It justifies the $4.99 price tag and then some just with this. I mean it's obvious that this is a Flippin' BUY IT just on that merit. I suppose if you're expecting something different it'd be bad but outside of maybe ONE bad joke (something about strength and odour) this is great stuff on the parts of both Dan Slott and JRJR.

But then... Part 2 could change EVERYTHING!

Okay now I'm cutting it here. You'll notice this review is kinda scattershot and not that enthused. That's because I've been having a great time reviewing X-Comics lately for FTP text reviews and this change of pace astounds me. Also it's 60 FUCKING PAGES LONG. Another thing you'll notice is the addition of avatars to the top of the posts. This is so you can easily identify who does what without reading the teensy tiny text. Might do an end of month recap of everything that'll address things like that in more detail. Part 2 of this review and Quick-Fire tomorrow I THINK.

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