The One They Call Unusual: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Review

Well, where should I begin? The faults? The Positives? Maybe I should just start with the plot of this film, but if you came into the movie expecting what little plot there is to be sufficient and noteworthy, not just a plot to string along action sequences and crude jokes then shame on you.

The battle for Earth has ended but the battle for the universe has just begun. After returning to Cybertron, Starscream assumes command of the Decepticons, and has decided to return to Earth with force. The Autobots believing that peace was possible finds out that Megatron's dead body has been stolen from the US Military by Scorpinok and revives him using his own spark. Now Megatron is back seeking revenge and with Starscream and more Decepticon reinforcements on the way, the Autobots (with reinforcements of their own) may have more to deal with than meets the eye.

this film is based on a toyline to sell toys for toys... I mean, people

There you go, there is the plot before it becomes pointless, even if it is already pointless. Why you ask? Well, the film plays out like this – exposition, action, comedy/fetish of Megan Fox, exposition, action, comedy/fetish etc. This structure allows an audience member who can only stand watching viral videos of people being blown up, and best thing is that you don’t need to know what is going on. However, for more intelligent people, the lack of plot might be a bit distracting, as the nonsensical nature and confusion that this plot gives us is insulting, as we like a little smarts in our explosions.

This youtube link is the film really. This is a Michael Bay film, so I might be overanalysing this film a wee bit too much, but this is what really got me; the action.
Judging by the trailers, the action looks AWESOME as Mr. Bay would usually say, but in the film, it is boring most of the time.

I have my fair share of problems with the humour, with the acting, with the script, and the direction, but when you screw up the action sequences it becomes a bit depressingly dull. The Transformers themselves were not thrilling to watch, as they were pretty much intermixable; the thrill that we had with the first one (which I liked) has disappeared from this script. As well as this, the action sequences were numerous and indeed pointless, as most of them were not innovative or fun.

Now that is over with before anybody tells me I should have turned off my brain, the acting was equally horrible as Shia LeBeouf (Ed-note: BEEF) and Fox (Ed-note: Toe-thumb) ham out the poorly written script (DAMN YOU WRITER’S STRIKE) as they rely on being shocked (countless ‘This Shit is fo REAL’ moments) and attracted to each other all the time, ignoring the fact that without these scenes, the film would still exist. Do we really care about their love lives? Should we care?

Then there is that other girl, who decides to try and tempt Shia to get into his LeBeouf, I don’t think I really cared to be honest, as well as the parents, who seemed to be added on just for bad comic relief.

As well as this, the script writers decide to change the plot and what the first film was about… really, you care about spoilers, then get out of here… Megaton is brought back to life. Scratch his death from the first film, we put some DECEPTICON MAGIK ON THAT BITCH. The military characters… oh, let’s give them an extended cameo. Former Transformers and new ones… let’s give the audience that and then blow them up to fuck with them, and make four of them look like Megaton.

(Ed-note: I haven't watched the film but I assume THIS is the terminator girl)

And then there is the female terminator… I mean, transformer could can change into a female girl tries to seduce Wikipedia… sorry, Witwicky, and she is the only actor who has an excuse to be wooden (damn puns) on the outset. If there are human transformers, then why aren’t there more? Couldn’t they just transform and get into the White House?

Of course, my chief complaint in this is that Megaton, supposed to be the villain of the film is upstaged by a far worse written villain; the Fallen. The Fallen is so lightweight, did doesn’t seem like a victory to actually beat him, more probably showing Prime as a cold-hearted bastard (granted the Fallen did kill him, and with some AUTOBOT MAGIC is brought back to life). By the end of this film, I just want to imagine that the world actually blew up with all of them.

Sexism, racism (robots and humans), military worship, one dimensional characters, copulation of robots and dogs, carbon emissions from the robots (lol that is a joke), and lots of ludicrous editing and timeframe differences; getting to New York to DC doesn’t take that short of time (I did the trip), as well as USA to Jordan (afternoon in both places? Were the group floating in space when they got transported between those places, even if the film shows it to be suddenly?).

All of this would have been forgiven if there was decent action.
ALL OF THIS including Robot Heaven? AND the horribly boring comic relief; tired humour that even the monologues were more humorous.

Rating: *

Come to The One They Call Unusual (my blog) to find more of my material, where in around a week’s time new stuff will appear!

(Ed-note: oh yeah, this is comic related because Transformers has lots of comics. Shut up)