Quick-Fire Reviews: Week of 22nd July

Oh man I gotta cut down on how much I read each week. It's getting ridiculous and it consumes a lot of time. Which makes me glad that the reviews this week are relatively light content wise (though that doesn't stop there being a LOT to review).

Highlights this week include the heartbreaking conclusion to Captain Britain and MI13 (heartbreaking that it's ending, the ending itself is quite upbeat all things considered) and the first comic Hulk-related by Jeph Loeb that not only doesn't make me physically sick but is actually a bit above average. Oh and one of my favourite DC series.

FIND OUT WHAT I THINK BY HITTING THE JUMP

Oh, and to help out, a quick key of ratings (which are very inconsistent I know).
Ordered best to worst:
Flippin' BUY IT!
Buy It!
Read It?
I DON'T CARE!
Eh....
FUCK IT!

Sometime I'll use images for the rating, or just not bother rating at all. That's because I'm not funny, so just try and be intuitive to get the vibe I'm trying to give off about the comic.

CAPTAIN BRITAIN AND MI13 #15(end) by Paul Cornell and Leonard Kirk

Flippin' Moments (most comics have 5+): 11
Spotlight Flippin' Moment: The last page send-off, with a panel devoted to each character/pairing (dependant). Beautiful, impacting and a reminder of each character we won't see again simply because we all didn't buy the issues. You bastards... Including me... Damn my waiting for trades.

Art: Leonard Kirk has been the only artist I could ever imagine drawing MI13 and I'm so glad he made it to end, as this is beautiful art with next to no flaws. In fact I say next to none, it might well be none. This is art that was perfectly suited to its content.
Writing: Paul Cornell's writing will be mentioned a lot more in the coming days *cough*bestwriterstoptenconclusion*cough* but this is perhaps the best place to mention that his writing on this series has been up there with the best of the best of the best writers and that if he was on this series for another 15 issues it could have become Marvel's best written title and made him a comic writing star. For now we just have to hope that his work on DR:Young Avengers and Black Widow will help him rocket up the ranks. Stellar writing and a good pay-off to all the build up.
Downsides: FUCKING CANCELLED!
Rating: Flippin' BUY IT!

DARK WOLVERINE #76 by Daniel Way/Marjorie Liu and Giuseppe Camuncoli

Ugh I hate Yu's covers for this and Atlas. They just seem to take away from the inner quality. Shame too because he's not a bad artist.

Flippin' Moments: 6
Spotlight Flippin' Moment: The Thing getting so riled up by a combination of Daken's hormonal scent schtick and sexual goading that he SMASHES DAKEN FACE FIRST INTO THE GROUND. Reed's reaction face and Daken's fucked up face combined make for one of the best panels of the week.

Art: The art is something that has managed to catch me by surprise, looking brilliant and well suited whilst being someone I've never heard of before. It's like a new learning curve. *looks up Camuncoli* Okay the internet isn't much good for looking the person up, so I'll just say it's brilliant and leave it at that. If I add anything solid to the actual art in this issue, I find it captivating to see both Daken and Lester (yeah it's so casual that he's nor just Bullseye for once) in their casual clothing. It's something we don't seem to get in comics anymore, or at least when we do it's far too uptight. You know, suits and the like. As such this is AWESOME.
Writing: Way has been leaving me cold on Deadpool (save the latest issue) so the fact that Dark Wolverine is a jump back to the quality he had on his Ghost Rider run is more than a little pleasing. Still perhaps this is just the influence of co-writer/adorable lawyer Marjorie Liu, who really is onto a winner here and will hopefully keep on bringing in the quality. I expect that she'll have made Dark Wolverine into one of the ten best Marvel titles by the end of the year.
Downsides: WE GET IT DAKEN'S BI ALREADY! That and the fact that I can't even figure out who he's playing and what his angle is. Too much ambiguity hurts my brain.
Rating: Buy It!

HALO: HELLJUMPER #1 (OF 5) by Peter David and Eric Nguyen

Flippin' Moments: 5
Spotlight Flippin' Moment: The opening page. It's more atmospheric and interesting than the entire trilogy of Halo games (okay maybe not the first but shut up I'm on a train of thought). It could easily be a movie opening.)

Note: Someone pay Peter David to direct a Halo ODST film)

Art: The only thing I've seen of Nguyen before is his work on the Hulk vs. Hercules one-shot, so saying I see a progression in his artwork is a bit of a moot statement. I hear the dude's does work on the Heroes comics or whatever but the day I read one of those is the day I gouge out both my eyes and send them as a gift to my loved ones. The only way I can fault the art is to say that characters start to look the same after a while, but that's more because they're all identikit marine-looking types than a lack of artistic talent.
Writing: Peter David. He has become a greater character writer in his later years and it shows here, helping set apart our two protagonists from the pack (something that really needed to be done with how similar people look) and making us care about what happens to them. Quality throughout, though the pacing does suffer at a few points.
Downsides: I don't like Halo or its fanbase, but when I say it's awful nowadays it's no lie. This puts up a valiant effort to stand out against the Halo detriments. If this stands out it'll be a flippin' miracle. However in the face of general traits this will probably end up annoying me by the time issue 5 comes around.
Rating: Buy It!

IMMORTAL WEAPONS #01 (OF 5) by Jason Aaron, Duane Swierdydoodah, & More

Flippin' Moments: 15!
Spotlight Flippin' Moment: An eating contest between Fat Cobra and two GODS. AND COBRA WINS! Oh and it throws in a classic wenches line.

Art: Ohohohoho what a clever trick. Have Aja do the good old style white-space cover for the variant and I'll believe the art has gone back to being the perfect style suited to these kung-fu stories. Rather than deliver on the hope the cover placed in me it decided to have some artists that are competent yet bland as shit. This is an issue I had with later parts of Immortal Iron Fist and the fact that sort of mediocre art carried over fills me with sadness.
Writing: Jason Aaron writes Fat Cobra's past brilliantly, which isn't actually that hard considering how easy and fun the character is but I digress. This might well be the best handling of him yet, enhanced by this story being entirely about him and developing a character we've only seen the basics of till this point. Swierczynski's back-up story... Is pretty bad. A great moment with Iron Fist's hands on fire but that's pretty much it as points of interest go.
Downsides: The art, the fact that Swierczynski just can't write as well as his predecessors (something that I SHOULD stop attacking him over) and that's about it.
Rating: Buy It!

MS. MARVEL #42 by Brian Reed and Sana Takeda

Flippin' Moments: 5/6 (unsure about one)
Spotlight Flippin' Moment: A double page spread of the two Ms. Marvels facing off against each other. Beautiful and accompanied by some short but sweet words by Carol Danvers.

Art: Where have I heard that name before? Sana Takeda... Sounds like it'd connected to some minor contro- OH! The Heroes for Hire cover controversy! Whilst essentially an overblown thing about a very dodgy cover and the age rating of the comic (personally I find it unimportant) it brought some infamy to Heroes for Hire just prior to cancellation. We can only hope Takeda isn't here to do the same thing, for a world without Ms. Marvel is a sad one indeed, especially with art that's this amazing. The whole issue is basically combat so it's easy to see how well suited her art is to action. I don't know how well it holds up to standing around and talking but the faces are expressive enough and with poses this variable I can only assume it'd work out fine.
Writing: Ms. Marvel's writing has always been great. This hasn't changed. Even in an issue of just fighting it manages to fit in some brilliant lines. If a day comes where Brian Reed isn't writing this comic there will be a slight tinge of misery in the air of a select group of comic fans... Just sayin' is all.
Downsides: It IS just combat. Which is understandably limiting. Other than that it shares one trait with DC's Batman & Robin: you can't tell if you get your money's worth because it's over so soon.
Rating: Buy It! (I'm far too kind today...)

POWER GIRL #3 by Justin Gray, Jimmy Palmiotti and Amanda Conner

Flippin' Moments: 9
Spotlight Flippin' Moment: Power Girl taking down The Humanite monkey bloke by throwing him into what I'm pretty sure is a massive vat of acid, and immediately realising how brutal what she's done is and doing what she can to help (mainly to try and save the entirety of.... wherever).

Art: Amanda Conner is another artist I know next to nothing about (I'm really not up on artists it seems) outside of the fact that her work on these first three issues of Power Girl are up there with some of the best comics about (with the exceptions of the truly amazing like Williams' Detective Comics work of course). I honestly think this is the sort of comic I could buy even with crappy writing if Conner sticks on the title.
Writing: Thankfully the writing is as great as the art. It has some slight blips on the route from beginning to end but as a complete package this is a thrilling conclusion to this small opening arc. If the next arc matches this in the slightest it could build itself up to being one of the best DC titles running at the present.
Downsides: .... Kinda felt like it solved the last issue's cliffhanger too easily.
Rating: Flippin' BUY IT!

ALL NEW SAVAGE SHE-HULK #4 (OF 4) by Fred Van Lente, Peter Vale, Gabriel Guzman, Michael Ryan and Leonard Kirk

Flippin' Moments: 8
Spotlight Flippin' Moment: The page where we get to see Lyra access her Gamma-Trance of calmness, wherein she is FUCKING AWESOME. This is one of the most kick-ass moments of the miniseries and a true sign that Van Lente can come up with cool ideas.

Art: I've beaten the too many cooks drum on comics before, but this might be the only time where that works out fine. The art for the main story (oh yeah, you get a back-up you lucky bastards) is brilliant from start to finish and supplies me with everything I could ask for (which as a ridiculous fan of the mini makes it more than acceptable for anyone else.. or something). The back-up story is drawn by Leonard Kirk, who is still being awesome off of the coattails of MI13. You get some brilliant stuff, particularly when Scorpion (the latest one) absorbs some symbiote matter and upgrades temporarily in a very pretty and awesome moment.
Writing: Fred Van Lente. Honestly if you heard me sticking my tongue up his arse any more you'd develop a fetish for the stuff, so all I'll say is that this rounds out the mini perfectly and leaves me desperately wanting for the Incredible Hulk back-up stories (the first of which I'll be reviewing this week as a delayed FTP text review. two issue 600s in one week would have been too much).
Downsides: None. Probably.
Rating: Flippin' BUY IT!


Wait... Have I been nice to ALL the comics I've reviewed this week?... I've lost my touch. Join me soon enough for the much belated 3-part Top Ten Writers and the FTP text review tomorrow. Now I sleep, perchance to dream of Lyra.

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Flip The Page Text Review: AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #600 by Various PART 2

Ah, JRSR variant cover, how I love thee...

*ahem*

Oh didn't see you there. Welcome back to the long-ass and kinda not that good review of Amazing Spider-Man #600! This time around we delve into all the other stories. Though be warned, one of them defies my system of momentitude. It has left me distraught and fat.... Okay the latter wasn't because of that but shut up LET'S GET FLIPPIN'

OH WOW A JUMP HOW UNEXPECTED! SERIOUSLY WHY DO I EVEN MAKE THESE SAY DIFFERENT THINGS NOW YOU KNOW HOW THEY WORK! I'M SO ALONE!


Perhaps I reveal too much.

SECOND STO-

HOLD THE PHONE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

AND THIS!

AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE?!

Turns out that Amazing Spider-Man knows how to take the piss out of itself and then some. These mock-covers are hilarious and nothing can take that away, not even the fact that Jeph Loeb did one (It's funny... I'm scared). As such these are all bonus flippin' moments that add to your overall value. Awesome. Moving on.

SECOND STORY: IDENTITY CRISIS by Stan Lee and Marcos Martin

FINALLY, a story where Mary Jane is killed by Janet Van Dyne as part of a convoluted plot to get her and Hank Pym back together! I'll tell you now, hearing that Mary Jane was raped by Dr. Doom caught me way off guard! And that footprints on the brain moment? WOW! This comic is amazing and dark and deep. I'm astounded by it all. Still we all know that Mary Jane's death will become part of the horrible event BLACKEST REIGN, where she'll be raised from the dead by the original Black Knight (the villain one) along with other dead Marvel heroes and use their Black Rings and enhanced zombie powers to kill anyone and everyone super to add to their army of BLACK LANTERNS! That'll be awesome.

.... Wait... What?

Uh... I'm not sure what I just did.

*ahem*

Art... Good... Writing... Stan Lee... Uh...

I'm gonna go, my brain is leaking out of my ears.

1. Various Spider-Men

Strangely convenient this one. Tim has just reviewed an Astonishing Spider-Man where some of these various forms appeared and then Stan Lee throws together a comic where they come out again. Brilliant eye-catchers and great demonstrators about how much Spidey has changed over the years (answer: A LOT OVER AND OVER AND OVER). Technically this can be counted as a ton of flippin' moments, but I've bundled them together so I can write less. WHO SAYS PEOPLE CAN'T CUT CORNERS?

2. Who Thera...pises... The Therapists?

A striking image and a humorous close to a brilliant Stan Lee story. Honestly I didn't see the ending coming and it left me with a pleasant taste in my mouth like Stan Lee had been feeding me jelly babies. Or something more delicious I don't know.

THIRD STORY: MY BROTHER'S SON by Mark Waid, Colleen Doran and Jose Villarrubia

Now, I don't usually credit the colour artist on these things, but Villarrubia is awesome and has done some of the best colour work I've seen (especially on X-Factor Investigations). It's something special and puts Villarrubia above any other colour artist just because I remember the name!

This story is momentless, but much like All Select Comics 70th Anniversary Special it's not a detractor, as the entire comic itself is brilliant. It just doesn't need those OOMPH moments that make you go "OH YEAH I'MMA BUY THIS!". On the contrary it's so understated and clever that it does better without anything like that. Mark Waid does a great job writing the story and shows writing chops I didn't expect from the man. I mean this is really touching, like emotionally and all that jazz. A job well done.

The pencils on the other hand feel kind of strange. Not bad, just unusual. I think this isn't as much Doran's pencils as her inking that messes this up here but everything feels like it's been crinkled up and spread out again, looking worse for wear. Which is a shame because if it weren't for that one strange flaw it's well suited to the story and quite pretty. Still nothing's perfect and it gave me an excuse to mention some downsides.

It occurs to me at this point that I don't know if I try to keep my writing spoiler free or just never fit in plot summaries. Either way lame.

FOURTH STORY: IF I WAS SPIDER-MAN by Bob Gale and Mario Alberti

Another story where I can't honestly say there's a flippin' moment, but it certainly sticks out from the back for spending most of its time in grayscale with some awesome splashes of colour. The gist of the story is a kid wanting to be Spidey and his friends pointing out how that's dumb. It's not particularly pretty pencils-wise, or that well written, but it gets a fair amount of slack simply because what's going on with the colour is interesting. So hats off to Alberti and let's never speak of this again.

FIFTH STORY: THE BLESSING by Marc Guggenheim and Mitch & Elizabeth Breitweiser

(pencils and colour respectively)

I don't like this story. The entire thing is Aunt May hoping that Uncle Ben would have approved of her marriage, which has already been addressed in Slott's 60 PAGE STORY. It's thoroughly pointless and doesn't add anything other than a layer of pretentiousness to proceedings. The art is adequate, the writing is okay for something that didn't need to be done and there isn't a single flippin' moment, let alone and enjoyable one. Ignore this story if you're pressed for time.

SIXTH STORY: FIGHT AT THE MUSEUM by Zeb Wells and Derec Donovan

Two people who have weird first names team up for a poorly named comic (there's no fighting in the museum). Still now the naming coinkydink is done with let's talk the actual comic. Writing is Zeb Wells, of New Mutants fame, so for me to expect anything other than a good story would be a great disservice to the man. And lo and behold, it's a BRILLIANT little story. The art is functional and fits the comedic tone pretty well so I have no complaints there. But you know the REAL reason this gets my praise?

1. THE MOTHERFUCKING SPIDER-MOBILE

One of the best parts of Spidey's history, this is the car that no kid on the planet wants to admit to wanting to own but would take at the drop of a hat. I mean look at this sweet-ass ride. You could pimp this bitch out to no end and it couldn't get any cooler than it is now. For Zeb having the insight to do a story with this as the main feature... Well he needs an award for services to mankind.

2. Comic Book Guy

After remembering that Comic Book Guy ISN'T based on Peter David in his younger days (ya see they both moan on the internet about things and get into online arguments and stuff... and are cynical... and passive agressively mock others... no that doesn't work I'll shut up) I almost dropped the moment, but the segue thrown in there made me laugh so hard that I died... Which would be problematic if it weren't for that zombie chip H.A.T.E. put into my head. Now I'm just consuming my loved ones brains... Mmmmm brains.

3. Two Words: Spider. Signal.

Okay I might just be nostalgia trippin' but this is a brilliant moment that adds JUST enough to this miniature tale that it becomes my highlight of the whole issue. Or something. Okay okay it's just nostalgia shut up.

4. Good Parenting Is Making Little Brats Fuck Off. True Story.

I hate bratty kids. Which technically means I hate all children above the age of two but shut up I'm making a point here. Seeing a kid's mother take him the hell away because he was dissing Spider-Man is the sort of thing that pleases me to no end and the type of action I wish all parents would take against their shitty little spawn. This is only made better by the tear of happiness it brings Peter Parker in the closing panel. Truly a great ending to a tiny story. Also, it occurs to me this is a great send-off for the Spider-Mobile since it's purpose in Wolverine is long past (it played a great part in Old Man Logan ya see).

FINAL STORY: VIOLENT VISIONS by Kelly, Fiumara, Chuckry and VC's Caramagna

Oh thank God we're at the end! This final story is merely a teaser for the upcoming arc 'The Gauntlet' but that fact alone is enough to make it unbearably awesome. Madame Web is sensing forthcoming events involving various shit and a beastly figure (hint: IT'S KRAVEN! OR KRAVEN 2! OR KID KRAVEN! PROBABLY KID KRAVEN!). This backed by the fact that she realises they're "hunting spiders". This means we could have an arc with Spider-Man, Arachne, Spider-Woman, Venom, Anti-Venom and anyone else who is part of the spider-people. Okay, I'm aware that the symbiotes don't REALLY count but Venom and Anti-Venom are both based somewhat on Spidey's powers. Shame it doesn't stretch as far as saying Toxin (who has pretty much NOTHING to do with Spidey... At all) but then I'm just a hopeless dreamer.

The art is pretty good and reminds me a fair amount of Alex Maleev. As compliments god this is a pretty high one, as he drew some of the only good Secret Invasion tie-in material featured in either Avengers title at the time, made a Halo comic look interesting (though Nguyen has also managed this) and.... completely fucked up that Secret Invasion: Dark Reign one-shot... Okay it's not that good a compliment but shut up.

The writing... Well it's only a small amount but I'm curious enough to actually want to go back and read Kraven's First Hunt and to keep reading ASM post-American Son, which I've admittedly already done by reading this. MOMENTS TIEM NAO:

1. The Gauntlet

Strike me down if that's not the most awesome looking tease EVER. I mean seriously, it's beautiful and lays out what could be coming our way. What have we got here:

• Spidey in a jungle
• Bloodied and torn up Spider-Woman
• Electricity
• Someone dangling Araña off of a building (oh forgot about her)
• Lizard (WOOOO)
• A woman with a handprint on her face who probably isn't Echo (Kid Kraven's Mother I think)
• Spidey's chest. Stabbed.
• Man-Wolf ripping up a black spider-suit (Sinister Spider-Man/Venom related?)
• Rhino being attacked by a big black arm
• Spider-Man kissing Black Cat
• Crazy looking Kraven

If that's not awesome I don't know what is.

2. They're Hunting Spiders/Kid Kraven

Okay first up her shock at the whole 'hunting spiders' thing is awesome. Secondly Kid Kraven, who... Christ when I heard about her I was all "BLAH AWFUL" but seeing her in action like that and speaking like she's 100% FUCKING CRAZY just makes me want to read her introduction story. The Gauntlet WILL be brilliant if it's anything like this.

I daren't show any more of this because it lays out an aspect of The Gauntlet that will probably shape a lot of it and is probably TOO spoileriffic. As such I should get onto the rating.

This comic has it's downsides, but the content for money value is far too good and the teaser for The Gauntlet has whet my appetite and then some. There are those who think BND Spider-Man isn't very good. These people are WRONG and if they try and tell me they're right I'll thrust this comic down their throat.

As such this is a...

FLIPPIN' MUST BUY!

Oh thank christ I'm done with that. Quick-Fire tonight and Top Ten tomorrow maybe. This is all exhausting.
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Flip The Page Text Review: AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #600 by Various PART 1

Woo, ok everyone, it's the one you've probably not been waiting for! Astonishing Spider-Man #60!
*Tim beats me viciously with a golf club for repeating a joke*
Wurgh, 'k ev'rywun, ish tha one you'f prob'ly been wai'ing for! 'mazhing Shpudder-Monn nummer shix hunnerd!

HI' THA JUMB!

*passes out*



DAYS PASS...

Okay that didn't go well, let's begin again. Amazing Spider-Man #600 by.... a lot of people. Fuck this is huge. Let's divide it up!

FIRST STORY: LAST LEGS by Dan Slott and John Romita Jr.

Before I start I'll say this: 14 flippin' moments. The story is 60 pages long... This causes me pain to post through, especially considering the time it takes to upload images lately. This is livable this time, but with part 2 dealing with ALL the other stories I MIGHT have to skip some picture and just link to a gallery where I'll upload them en masse ('cause photobucket can upload okay for some reason but blogspot isn't liking me). With that in mind let's review this first story!

Again before the meat of the moments I'm going to address the writing and art. The writing is Dan Slott, which of course means I love it and won't hear a word against it. He is a champion of dialogue and understands how characters interact perfectly. Though I say that it's kinda iffy how Spidey interacts with the avengers. Not to say it's not awesome, it's hilarious and I'll point out why when I get to the relevant flippin' moments. Still something's up. The art is John Romita Jr. and if you don't know what quality comes with that name then you clearly are a newcomer to comics, don't know your arse from your elbow, or are a cunt. Just saying is all.

Yeah that'll kinda cover it, let's talk FLIPPIN' (and downsides after that)!

1. Doc Ock's Beatings Record

As with last week's review, it only takes two pages for there to be a double page spread that grabs you by the balls and RIPS THEM OFF... IN A GOOD WAY... No that's just weird. Anyway, a great recap of some of Doc Ock's weakest moments. Looks cool AND reminds you he should be dead by now. For those factors it holds its own as a great flippin' moment.

2. NEW Doc Ock Tease: 8 Tentacles?!

Pretty straightforward. You see a Doc Ock with a weird face and 8 tentacles you stop and go "HOLYYYYYYYYY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!".

3. "It's Finally Happening.."

Three panels without people or some similar thing in? Really? Just environments going mental? This stands out just for that, but it's what you see when you read the text boxes. The statement alone is brilliant and another example of how Slott can perfectly write characters. Spidey's pensive/cynical/humourous tendencies all in one package. Flippin' moment and no mistake.

4. The Avengers Are Dicks

Fairly funny stuff with the New Avengers that becomes a flippin' moment purely because it's colourful, stimulating, and features the New Avengers basically treating Spidey like a dick and a nuisance. Good stuff.

5. Actual Doc Ock Reveal

Oh.... FUCK. Is this good or bad? Either way... Wha?! Just.... Wow.

6. Go On, Antagonise The Crazy Tentacled Man

Because the first thing you do when you see the fucked up new look of the man who's taken over Manhattan with crazy little bugs is MAKE JOKES ABOUT HIM. Spidey is a moron. Bit of a dick too if he realised the man is paralysed or dying at this point. I don't know which. Still, funny and grabs ya. So it's a flippin' moment. Just a really weird one.

7. Tears Of An Octopus

Beautiful art, pathetic moment of a broken man. You win on both counts. I'm sure you've noticed these points about them are all very small but most moments speak for themself. And I'm tired. Shut up.

8. Oh Yeah Uncle Ben Forgot About Him

In all seriousness a lovely moment of acknowledgement that on some level good ole' Uncle Ben approves of the forthcoming Holy Matrimony. Touching and far FAR better than the small story that appears later in the issue dealing with him. Wait, is this an issue where Peter Parker doesn't grieve over Gwen or Ben? FUCKIN' HELL (though these have been less present come Brand New Day)!!

9. Johnny Storm Is Also A Dick

Just prior to setting his friend on fire Johnny Storm has plucked Spidey's date for Aunt May's wedding (we don't learn this till later). Sure the whole setting him on fire was to get some weird little octobots off of him but still WHAT A KNOB. That aside (why do I keep putting things aside?) this is funny and the full page stands out for the same reasons a flame-based page stood out in New Mutants #3: FIRE!

10. Mmmmmmmm Cheesecake

There's a great myth in comics; that for our fanservice we want a ridiculously plastic person, a la Megan Fox (ugh just the name makes me vomit blood Red Lantern style). This is REALLY FALSE. LIKE HELLA FALSE. What the general comic fan wants is someone who is very hot, yes, but in a way that's almost alternative. Not plastic, human. The sort of babe you wouldn't go "OOH CHECK OUT HER TITS! I'M MANLY 'CAUSE THIS IS WHAT I POINT OUT!" or some such thing about. The sort of smokin' hot and down to earth person that you'd want to be around them, live with them, have them forever.

And so we come to Michele Gonzales. DAYUM! I mean Slott REALLY understands what people want. The easiest way of proving this on a single page apparently is just to have the cheesecake wear nowt but a sports shirt. It's a classically attractive image without having to pander to some sorta skanky modern view on what's hot.... Oh yeah this is just a drawing, so don't get me wrong, this is more a representation of everything people want. Or should want I shouldn't vouch for everybody.

Oh and another reason she's awesome (aside from the bonus of being drawn by JRJR, which ups the awesomeness of anything by 90%) is she's the sort of witty straightforward person who could rock anyone's socks off. Proof:

Okay it's just a single line thrown in with impeccable timing but isn't that what you'd want from a ladyfriend?

... I'm gonna shut up now (for once).

OH SHIT THE REVIEW I FORGOT!

11. Touching Moments FTW? (shut up these titles are hard at 1am)

If I give Brand New Day anything other than a huge stiffy for Mr. Negative (oh wait that's me... awkward), it's that you get a lot more touching moments between Peter and his Aunt May. This is no exception, genuinely tugging at some sort of thing in my chest that may resemble a heart string. Unlike Mr. Negative it doesn't give me a stiffy that'd be weird... Wait isn't that weird too?

12. Dear Friends And Family...

I really should give more props to JRJR's art. It's truly one of the best examples of how comics should look in the business and this page is a perfect example of why. Sure he can do all that fighting and posing stuff, but when all you need is a solid moment of simplicity that has to look enchanting and beautiful he can pull that shit out of his hat with no difficulty. Helps that we get some basic humour from Dan Slott too.

13. The Amazing(ly Money-Grabbing) Spider-Man?!

So what do YOU do when your Step-Brother is Mayor? That's right, try and get money out of him. Sure Petey's just joking but it's so funny who cares! I wish he WAS serious! (also I know he's not ACTUALLY a Step-Brother, more a Step-Cousin but fuck it Pete considers May his Mother in a lot of ways)

14. Apparently this is a moment

Turn up at the last second to your ex's Aunt's wedding as a plus 1 to your Mother. Yeah, that's not being a bitch or anything. Oh and catching the Bouquet? A better character should have caught that (Michele obviously). Fuck you MJ, you're not Petey's wife anymore, I don't have to see your good side. Still it's a solid cliffhanger for people who DO care, so here it is as a flippin' moment.

Okay that's it, part 2 tomorrow.

...

What?

OH YEAH DOWNSIDES!

Um... I don't really know what counts as a downside in a Spidey comic. It has very few flaws in this, the first story in the comic. It justifies the $4.99 price tag and then some just with this. I mean it's obvious that this is a Flippin' BUY IT just on that merit. I suppose if you're expecting something different it'd be bad but outside of maybe ONE bad joke (something about strength and odour) this is great stuff on the parts of both Dan Slott and JRJR.

But then... Part 2 could change EVERYTHING!


Okay now I'm cutting it here. You'll notice this review is kinda scattershot and not that enthused. That's because I've been having a great time reviewing X-Comics lately for FTP text reviews and this change of pace astounds me. Also it's 60 FUCKING PAGES LONG. Another thing you'll notice is the addition of avatars to the top of the posts. This is so you can easily identify who does what without reading the teensy tiny text. Might do an end of month recap of everything that'll address things like that in more detail. Part 2 of this review and Quick-Fire tomorrow I THINK.

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